Orgasm - She Won't Let Me Get Her There

[Roffler]

So me and my girlfriend have been active, doing everything except for sexual intercourse. So I've tried many times to get her to orgasm, and she is fine when I start on her, she gets huffing and puffing, starts moaning, but when she gets close, she starts screaming at me to stop and pretty much turns into stone. I've asked her about it, and she says she doesn't know why, and this is an honest answer from her. She says she is not in pain, another honest answer I believe, but neither of us know the issue.

 

Thoughts?

[ComputerGuy]

Wow that is an unusual situation. Um maybe she's scared as she doesn't know what to expect. Has she ever orgasmed before through masturbation or whatever? Other than that I can't think of what could be causing this.

[JuJu]

Some girls don't want to get to the losing control feeling which you get during an orgasm because maybe they have lost control in a situation before (something much bigger) and they don't want to lose control again. Even though the other situation might have been much bigger, it's still losing control and they don't feel like they have any power.

[Day_Walker]

There could be a number of things that could be the problem, instead of speculating what they might be, its best to get the information from her. Now if she is unwilling to communicate with you about the sexual relationship you share with her then you should take note of that. This can potentially cause problems later down the line, if she is unwilling to communicate with you about sexual things then later on it will be other things. All you can do is ask her to communicate with you and if she doesnt respond to that then, you shouldnt worry about it because she is unwilling to remedy the problem.

[Roffler]

I'm positive she does not know why she does it either, as we've tried multiple times, and she has told me to hold her hands and prevent her from moving me. We've tried safety words just cause, and there is full trust. I think it may be something mental for her, as she doesn't seem to have a problem with it, but enjoys it until near climax. And her hymen has burst, I made note of that a while ago.

[ComputerGuy]

Hav you thought about light bondage? If she really wants to get there but keeps stopping you, maybe, if shes comfortable, she could be handcuffed to the beadhead or something. This way she won't be able to to stop you at all, you can still use the safety words, and it has the extra advantage of being exciting

[Roffler]

She's a bit too paranoid to try that. She is a virgin and has said that she wants to get there but can't bring herself to allow it to happen, as something inside of her stops her everytime. She has said in totally sane states, such as middle of the day after lunch or whatever, that she is ready and wants to, and we've talked at various other times, including before, during, and after.

 

Might there be something psychological behind it?

[JonnyG]

Perhaps she is a "squirter" and is embarrassed about it? Or doesnt understand it can happen to some girls and thinks that if u saw it, you would think it was disgusting and something was wrong with her?

 

Just another suggestion no 1 has brought up that might be the answer?

[lilsht05]

In my opinion she is afraid of embarrassing herself, people do some weird things when they get that far. She may feel like she is going to make a fool of herself and do something stupid. Tell her to relax and no matter what your feelings for her are not going to change! Try to make her feel a little more comfortable. See if that works!!!

[Mr. Good Man]

In my experience, when a women attempts to stop an orgasm is she fears losing control or the feeling is too overwhelming. There have been times when I've been told, "it's a weird feeling that seems to come over me and I can't control it so I want to stop."

 

What seem to work for me in this situation is to talk her through it. Take her to the point where she wants to stop. Then talk with her, have her explain to you what's happening at that moment.

 

Then start again and attempt to take it a little further each time. When she says stop, you stop. Talk about it again.

 

Another cause could be anxiety. You'll be amazed how it can prevent women from releasing.

 

Make her feel more comfortable and I promise in time (usually within a month or two) she will be able to reach her climax and you will be rewarded handsomely.

[malbolge]

I'm dealing with this exact thing with my girlfriend at the moment. She says she's never had an orgasm period. Alone or with a guy. She just doesn't let herself. She's been unable to communicate exactly why. She still enjoys sex but is stopping me before she climaxes every time. I personally have a problem reaching my peek know that she hasn't so its becoming an issue. We're talking about it but I don't know that I know either of us knows the answers. She's said that shes never had a guy really care about this so she thinks that she will get to the point when she can with me. We are 11 years apart age wise , i'm the younger one. While she says it has to do with trust she also says she trusts me implicitly. She limits the positions that we can have sex in because she feels she can't control not having an orgasm. I feeling unfullfilled by her unfullfillment. Some little things that have helped us make baby steps toward it is her knowing I'm spending the night and there is no time limit on anything, and she's into it when I'm into it so I just can't show frustration and keep going back for more after she's put a temporary stop on things, I've had to train my self (oK untrain myself) to try and cum first but them keep going right afterwards as soon as possible. Right now my plan is to just get her so close she loses control whether she wants to or not. And yes the "squirter" possibility has crossed my mind and I asked and it scared the crap out of her that that was possible since she has no idea so don't bring it up if she's said she's never had one

[Cydeways]

hold her down, havent u heard that saying?

[ComputerGuy]

This thread is nearly 12 months old

[elveden]

You have to talk to her.

 

No one ever finds anything out by guessing, and communication is vital between partners - let each other know what's on your mind - what you like and dislike..

 

I can't understand why she'd do that - and I spose the only person who really knows is her..

[Shadows Light]

OK... will someone please give me the definition of a SQUIRTER... this is the first time I've heard about it or read about it.... I'd like to know.

 

Ever consider buying her a vibrator and letting her learn to materbate to get there on her own.... when you arn't there.... or she can stop anytime she wants.....

 

OK.. so I can't imagine never having had the BIG "O"... because I learned young about taking things in hand.... I thought it was a natural thing... BUT... I think you guys might be onto something with the letting go and looking foolish bit...

 

It took me a long time... to really really let go. My big "O's" were controlled as much as I could control them... and I soooo tried not to shake rattle and roll... or gosh forbid scream my bloody head off. With confidence...and being comfortable with yourself and not afraid... a woman will let go....

 

Piece of advice to you guys out there... never ever ever ever... tease a woman about it afterward... lol... You'll make her self conscience about it... as if there's something wrong with the way she.........ya know.

 

I agree... communicate. And take it slow... I don't know about the light bondage thing on a virgin..and one who is afraid to let go... thats definitely NOT for her at this stage of the game. There are lots of books out there... go to AMAZON and see if you can't find her a book on self-pleasuring... or masterbation... or the pleasures of a womans body.. I'd look it up for you but eh... browse away... get her a good book that explains her body to her... and buy her a vibrator... something non threatening... don't go buying her an 8 inch BOB that looks life-like.... maybe one that has the long shape to it... or just a small palm vibrator to start with.. heck... don't even need to do that.. go to your local discount store and buy a back massager. They don't look like a PENIS... its non threatening looking...and it does the same thing.. just for clitoral stimulation... and let her do it herself. She needs to learn her own body first.

 

OK... off to browse the net and find out what a squirter is............ geezeee and I though I'd heard it all. Holy moley... what if I'm a squirter and I don't know it...

[Tigris]

STOP!

 

Before you go out and buy a vibrator I would talk to her. My first husband bought one for me years ago. Firstly, he wasn't doing his duties and then he buys me a vibrator. How do you think I felt? Secondly, a man thinks we need one like a penis. Wrong! That sometimes hurts like hell! What do you think it's going to do to a virgin! Us girls need something that stimulates our clitoris and just behind it, (don't know what that's called but it's ohhhhh so good!)

 

What are you doing with your other hand whilst you are doing this?

 

Have you tried oral? Licking is good but sucking is better!

 

DO NOT TIE HER TO THE BED OR HOLD HER DOWN! That will only make her problem worse!

 

The more information you give me the more I can help.

[Shadows Light]

I'd have to AGREE with TIGERIS... BUY A body massager that can be bought at any discount store...they don't look like "anything" specific. And they won't be as intimidating. And yes... talk about it. Sounds like you've already talked about it.... so.. it can be something you do together.

 

TIGERIS... You're hubby went and bought you one when he wasn't doing his job... hmmmm well then. I can see why you'd feel that way. Because its NOT the same. Me?? I had to go buy my own...

 

Here's one for you TIGERIS.... BOB... wasn't working. So I changed the batteries.. Still not working... double darn.. what now?? being the industrious person that I am. I figured out that a WIRE was loose and needed to be soldered... sooooo I get the ol solder gun out and have BOB prepped for surgery on the KITCHEN table.... BIG OVER HEAD light on so I can see what I am doing... reading glasses on... fixing my BOB. And hubby walks in. Whatcha doing??? Performing a vasectomy.. whats it look like I'm doing??? He never said a word. Never blushed or got angry. Never flinched. And here I am.... thinking... How sad am I... to be married and Lonely... performing surgery on BOB.

[Tigris]

Shadows Light I think your story is great! lol

 

For 4 years my second husband worked away as a holiday coach driver. He only came home once a week, overnight to change the contents of his suitcase. You can imagine what that was like! So I went out and bought 'a rabbit' and 'a tongue'. They're greattttt!

 

So as you can see it wasn't that I didn't like the idea of using toys, it was because my 1st husband wasn't doing his job and bought me one!

[Shadows Light]

Tigeris... lol. I agree, toys can be fun. In my situation... whats a woman to do. I think I'd be upset if hubby bought me a toy but wasn't doing his job. I'd tell him to bend over. If you get my drift.

 

Nothing wrong with spicing up the bedroom and playing. Thats what keeps it alive and fun. Gotta be able to laugh and enjoy yourselves and allow yourselves room to grow and learn together.

[PAdreamer]

Okay... I used to have problems with allowing myself to orgasm with the first guy I was with (I've only had two partners). I'm not POSITIVE as to why. It was definitely a combination of things. One would be that I was very nervous in bed for a lot of reasons: I was new to the whole sex thing; I was insecure about my body and my abilities; I wasn't really ready to start having sex when I did, and I knew it... Another reason was that, because I was new to any- and everything sexual, my body was not ready for the shock of something that intense. To be honest, part of me did not enjoy having an orgasm, probably out of pure shock. It turns out I'm a screamer, and I wasn't prepared for all of the reactions that my body would produce. And... I felt guilty. It's against my religion to have pre-marital sex, and we were doing it in his mother's home WHILE SHE WAS THERE which I'm sure made her uncomfortable, and I really did feel dirty every single time. I REALLY don't understand why, entirely.

 

It didn't help that my boyfriend seemed unresponsive. He was also a virgin, so he didn't really know what he was doing either. I think my orgasms were less pleasurable because there was no romance or foreplay. So really, there could be a million different things that contribute to her inability to allow herself to orgasm.

 

My fiance, however, enjoys making our time in bed fun and exciting. He builds up my confidence and lets me take control. I feel like we're on level playing ground, and that I can just relax and enjoy it. Relaxation is key. Any of the things that might be holding her back, she needs to be able to let them go and just enjoy the time. Maybe she's concentrating too hard. All I can say is that you should not push her, or make her feel bad about it. Just take it slow and let her work her way up to that place where she can allow herself to give into it completely.