24 and still a virgin - should I be ashamed of this?

[Cassie]

Hi guys,

 

I don't know if I have a psychological problem or a fear of intimacy, but I am 24 years old and still a virgin. I just haven't found the right guy for me yet, and I view sex as both a very intimate physical and emotional bond that I only want to share with that one special guy. My virginity is really not something I want to throw away just for the sake of trying sex.

 

Right now I've just stepped away from a very long term relationship - (he was a virgin as well and thereforeeee never pressured), and now I am preparing to dabble into the dating scene again. But I'm not sure how I should approach the issue of my virginity. All of my friends have been sexually active for years and years now, so I feel awkward trying to discuss the issue with them. Many of my girlfriends lost their virginity as young as 11 years old. I did talk with my older brother, and he was shocked to discover I was still a virgin. He said he would die to find a girl like me, lol. He is also always reminding me not to take myself so seriously, not about this, but on many other things.

 

I do feel as if I'm finally ready to be intimate with someone, but I also feel scared it has taken me so long. I feel years behind everyone else in that regard. I don't know, sometimes I feel so confused. Have I been taking myself too seriously in regards to sex, and do I perhaps have an intimacy issue?

[Gunther]

Well, first let me say that it is not something to be ashamed of. It is in some reguards respecable, but if you are ready then just make sure it is with the right person. Just be sure to use protection until you are ready to have children. And I would listen to your brother, from what you have said he sounds like he has a good head on his shourders. My advice is just make sure you find a good guy and that you are ready. I cant stress those two points enough. If either one of those is wrong, you probly wont enjoy yourself {P.S. loosing your virginity at 11 in NOTHING to be proud of {just so you know} Just make sure you are ready emotionaly and although on one hand sex is not to be taken to lightly, do not go to an exess of seriousness. Well, I hope this helps.

[seza15]

hey babes! don't need to worry! i personally feel the same way about sexual relationships too!

 

i waited till i was 21 cause i believe that sexual relationships are much more than a physical experience, it's emotional and you need to be ready emotionally before you do the full deed!

 

it's ok to want to wait (you should never do something cause your friends are doing it and you aren't, yet), it should be about when you personally is comfortable and ready with induging into a sexual relationship.

 

there is no age limit to when you "have to" have sex by! it's about feeling right for you and your partner.

[Miss Communicate]

I would say there is nothing wrong with wanting to wait for the right guy. Western society is far too permiscuous, in my opinion, not to mention societal pressures that expect young women to be "good girls" yet to look at themselves as if they are abnormal when they are of a certain age and still virgins.

 

I think both you and your future love will appreciate the fact you have waited.

 

As for how you should approach the topic of your virginity during dating...well I would say it's a non-issue until you get to know the guy. I think telling a guy up front will have undesirable results. (Just my opinion anyhow.)

 

Good luck finding your future mate!

[Mike_Wazowski]

There once was a time..not so long ago(maybe your parents or grandparents generation) when being a virgin until marriage was a good/normal thing.

 

I think it still is. However if you decide to give up your virginity, do it because you believe it is the right thing for you and do it with someone you love. Don't let friends or a boyfriend pressure you into doing something that you are unsure of! Good luck!

[twinkle]

it's definitely nothing to be ashamed of. I waited until I was 22 before I lost my virginity, because I wanted it to be with someone that I loved. I was the last of my friends, and the last of almost everyone i knew! And it did bother me, and I sometimes felt pressurised but I knew I#d regret it if i didn't wait until I was ready. Although, there does come a point where you just want to get it 'over and done with'!!!

 

But don't feel that you should just go out and do it for the sake of doing it. Wait until you're really ready and until you've found the right person. It shouldn't be an issue with any guys you start dating, if they're worth you knowing and being with, they'll understand and respect you for waiting.

 

good luck!

[phil1981UK]

I agree, its a non issue, if you find a guy you love and you want to go for it then just do it. My girlfriend is 22, and we had sex for the first time a few weeks ago after being together for a year, i could tell from the first few times we did it that she hadnt had much (if any) experience, turns out she didnt... she was a virgin, but it was never an issue so she never mentioned it before, she just felt the time was right and the guy was right (lucky me ;-). The only reason she told me was cos it was clear she had little experince and i think she wanted to make me understand the reasons why she ummm had trouble with some things

 

Anyhow if it feels right go for it, now were at it like rabbits and she is loving every minute of it... heh!

 

Good luck!

[d346]

don't sweat it.

 

Most quality guys won't be upset by it. They may be a little surprised, but will respect you for it. (honestly) I was 24 when I met my first boyfriend. (I dated here and there, and messed around, but I wanted sex to be with a serious boyfriend and someone I had a true connection with. Plus, because of my virginal status, I was hesitant to get too intimate with guys)

 

but then I met the right guy, and and he didn't rush me. It was up to me when I was ready, and he waited 3 months before I was ready. To this day, I think he has a huge respect for me, especially given some of the mistakes he's made in his day.

[Lily04]

It's nothing to be ashamed of at all - I actually think it's more respectable. My boyfriend was 23 & just recently lost his virginity and it was just because he never found the right person. I think that's the case for a lot of people actually. Sure you can go out, have a bit of fun meeting random people & get intimate (I know some ppl. who favor one-night stands) or just do it after a few days/weeks of knowing someone, but I personally would feel awkward about just doing that. You have to wait until you really like the person in my opinion, are comfortable with them (for some people unconditionally love them) and then have sex with them. It's difficult to meet that person when you're 16 or 18 at your high school prom, for ex.

 

Just don't compare yourself with anyone & do what feels right to you. I have some regrets because I rushed into things and in the future now know not to get so sexual so soon.

 

Take care, and keep your head on your shoulders! You seem like a sensible girl.

 

- sparrow

[Spirits Away]

Cassie, you're exactly the type of person who is constantly giving me hope. I don't plan to lose my virginity until I get married, and i expect my other half not to lose hers as well.

[Samantha]

I been looking through this forum and I couldn't help but reply to this topic!

 

No, I don't it's nothing to be ashame of. I respect it and I think it's great that you're waiting for the right guy. I mean, atleast when you have sex for the first time, atleast the guy don't have to worry about how many guys you slept with in the past, or do you have any kids, or any sexual disease. I'm 20 and I'm not planning on losing my virginity anytime soon, cause I'm still waiting for the right guy, and plus I want to get to know and feel comfortable around the guy before I do anything serious with him. Sometimes when I talk to a guy and he ask me am I a virgin, and when I tell him yes, he sometimes gives me this shocked, surpise look, like 'How can you be 20 and still be a virgin?', if ppl laugh and makes fun of you cause of that, then they just being immature, I mean, it's you're body, that's you're choice if you wanna have sex or if you wanna wait.

 

I'm so glad I'd read this topic, it makes me feel so much better that there's people out there in their 20s who're still virgins and feels the same way I do. ^_^

[Memj]

I was a virgin and so was my girlfriend, who is 20, till earlier this year. Finding the right person is important and it will make sex better. Whether or not you should wait is up to you. Sex adds a different dynamic to a realtionship, but the problem is most guys will not be willing to commit to you emotionally before they have sex. Hence why you may find it difficult to find someone who you would love enough to have sex with. As for saving yourself for marriage, again it is your choice and based on your upbringing may have a special appeal to you. My girlfriend and I ended up having sex after 3 months of going out with one another. We were active as far as other things, like oral. We felt we had reached a point in our relationship where we could trust one another enough to be with one another in that respect. It made things more complicated, but better. I love my girlfriend and there isn't anything that could happen to make that change.

 

I say decide what is right for you, but I would also say that if you have not at least done other things besides intercourse with anyone you have dated, you might have some sort of hang up about sex in general. Whether that is attributed to your upbringing or not, who knows.

[roba]

hey Cassie, meet some one who means a lot to u and take ur time dont rush it to it @ all. Nothing to be ashamed of at all. I think the right guy for you would respect that.