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phil1981UK

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  1. phil1981UK
    I know because he contacted her when shes with me at home and so she tells me the rest (i guess some of the rest)... after i ask her. I wouldnt mind at all if she had told him why she was in england, but she dosent, as far as he is concerned she is available cos she dosent tell him different...
  2. phil1981UK
    Hi guys, I am back again for some advice. So i live in England with my girlfriend (who is from Poland), and she of course has friends back in poland, but she only keeps in touch with a couple of them. Anyhow about 6 months ago, some guy she knew from Poland emailed her out of the blue asking how she is etc, they exchange a few emails and turns out he has split up with his girlfriend and so was trying to see if my girlfriend was available (he asked if she was married). Anyhow all she said was she was in England and was not married, she did not say she was with me, despite telling everyone else this, so i smelt a small rat that maybe they were more then just "friends" somehow in the past (she told me he was a friend), anyhow they swapped a few more emails and sms and that was it for a few months... until yesterday. He contacted her again yesterday, he tried to call her then sms'd her, again how are you stuff, she seemed pretty keen to reply and sent sms and email and called him!!! Then she lets slip that used to want to date this guy... so just a friend eh... well this explains why she didnt tell him her reason for being in england... he again is asking about her availability... is she keeping her options open? Also i am confused about whether i should even be bothered about this, i mean is it innapropriate that they send little sms, emails and phone calls considering she wanted to date him and now he wants to date her? If she was so happy to be with me she would have told him about me right? She is with me but is she thinking what if...? To me its inappropriate behaviour considering she lives with me... dont you think... Your advice greatly appreciated.
  3. phil1981UK
    Hi Guys, The girl i wanted so much for a year and a half finally moved in and has been with me for 3 months now. She is from a differnet country and for that year and half we only saw each other every 2 months or so. During all the time apart i was so anxious about what she was up to. I thought it would all stop if she moved in with me so she was close to me, seems i was wrong. Now she is here i am still anxious, maybe even more so, i really want these feelings to stop, im not joking when i say my hair is starting to fall out with the stress!!! I will give you a few examples of the basis of my anxieties... 1. If she comes home even 20 mins late from work i think she has being seeing someone, i know i know, 20 mins a day affair, i dont think so either, but my anxiety is massive and i feel sick and tense!!! 2. Today she called me at work and i asked what she was going to do this afternoon (she works part time), she says she is going down to the lake to lay in the sun in her swim suit... next anxiety kicks of thinking of her laying there and some guy coming over and god knows what would happen next. I make up all the worst possible scenarios in my head for what she is doing and i feel anxious all the time. She dosent know i feel like this, it would cause a problem if she knew as she would think i dont trust her. But she sometimes makes me think i cant trust her, if some good looking guy is around she eyes him up, and i dont mean a casual look i mean staring and smiling as if im not even there!!! And she is good looking and the guys always return her stares and smiles and its like im just getting in the way of something! This dosent help my trust of her. But i really dont think she would actually cheat on me, i just cant stop the constant axiety. Can anyone give me some advice to help me calm down and stop these feelings? I know for sure it is my low self esteem that is the root of the problem, what can i do about that...i have always had it... Help!!!
  4. phil1981UK
    Hey guys, Not a request for advice, just a positive update for you. My gf moved in last friday and everything is cool, it is so great to have her with me after 18 months of LDR, if your in an LDR have hope cos I am proof (at the moment that they can work out. I wake up with her, go home from work to her and its great, i know its the honeymoon period, but it feels good right now, ill worry about tomorrow... tomorrow... Thats all!!!! Have a great day (i will
  5. phil1981UK
    Hey, My girlfriend is moving from poland to england tomorrow to come and live with me, its all i have wanted and worked towards for the last 18 months. Now she is actually coming here im feeling scared as hell!!! I dont understand, i wanted her to come here for so long and now she is i am feeling strange about it!!! I guess im just anxious about it!!!! I know as soon as i see her ill be happy, but right now im just scared!!! Stupid feelings!!!
  6. phil1981UK
    hey buddy, good to hear you keep in shape Im pretty buffed to and i found keeping it hidden until you get physical really knocked em out, they dont really have any idea and then when you reveal the goods they are VERY happy I would say dont show it off and save it as a surprise for when you two get busy. As for the hair... get used to it... theres more to come so just let it be Good luck with ya woman.
  7. phil1981UK
    You were telling this guy you loved him and "all the good stuff" but all the time you have a boyfriend.... no wonder he dont want you... Not many people will be made a mug of like this, he finds out you have a boyfriend, you break up with boyfriend and expect this guy to be with you... heh... i cant blame him, you need to move on and find someone else i think and leave this guy alone.
  8. phil1981UK
    I have a question... my gut instinct is telling me my gf is upto something, i wont go into details, but i just have this feeling something is going on. Anyway i had this feeling once before and it turned out to be right... my question is in everyone elses experience has your gut instinct turned out to be right or wrong about your partners playing around?
  9. phil1981UK
    Man you gotta a bad attitude to people trying to help you, i'll be surprised if anyone else bothers... maybe ya attitude is why ya girl blew you off...
  10. phil1981UK
    AHAHAHA, i read your title and hehehehehe, sorry, just thought it was funny.... hehehe
  11. phil1981UK
    heh, dude i never been so scared as the first time i asked a girl out, so its dont worry about it, just ask her, if she likes you she'll proberbly say yes (mine did;-), but dont get heavy and dont go weird on her if she says no... but my guess is she say yes so go for it;-)
  12. phil1981UK
    I think this one is easy buddy, your just her safety net, she thinks (or knows) you will be there for her when she comes crying, for the sake of your own happiness you need to avoid her and not give in. Sadly i know this is easier said then done (i have been there myself) but it really is the best thing you can do, i promise you now, when she feels better in a few days or weeks she will hurt you again by blowing you off and seeing other guys again, dont let her work you, it will only be unhappiness for you. Its tough but you gotta be strong buddy, real strong.
  13. phil1981UK
    ehehehehe, man thats funny... i can speak from some experience... heh... i try to take dance lessons with my girl but there is a big problem... i cant dance... i mean i really cant dance... hehehe... so anyway, my girlfriend dances with other guys, and my girlfriend is HOT... hehe... and i see the other guys feeling good thinking they are getting somewhere with her because they can dance well with her... but the funny thing is... i take her home afterwards and she is in my bed... so i dont care about any other guys.... and i expect most other boyfriends think the same... if they had a problem with it they either would try and stop her doing it... or punch you on the nose... hehehehe So dont worry man, if you like it then carry on, but maybe you should get a girlfriend too.... real ones are much better;-)
  14. phil1981UK
    Yep, have to agree, your toast buddy. She is trying to let you down gently, she IS gonna break up with you, no doubt about it. My advice, blow her off first, dont make your own pain of waiting for her to break up with you last longer than it already has. Good luck.
  15. phil1981UK
    All your statements say is that anyone with low self esteem is not entitled to a relationship because they will never trust the person. Not everyone is like you with such high self esteem and these people have to get through their life and thier relationships the best way they can, if snooping is part of this to make them feel better then so be it, they are just as entitled to a relationship as anyone else. It is entierly possible that snooping will only increase the trust the person will have in there partner, if they snoop several times and find nothing, then there trust will be increased in the person. To make statements that people with low self esteem and an inability to trust there partners should not be with there partners is at best insulting to these people, maybe if you had ever been on thier side of the fence you would not make such idealistic statements. I like to think i live in the real world and see it for what it is and try to see everyones side of the story, maybe you could try to do the same. Sorry to get personal but you need a reality check!
  16. phil1981UK
    I think this last post proves the worth of snooping... now you know the truth... it may hurt... but at least your not a mug...
  17. phil1981UK
    Yes, I am saying snooping is OK. Its a sad fact that many relationships are not as open as obviously yours have been or are. Many people hide fears and insecurities from their loved ones, its a fact, we are not living in a romantic novel where everything is perfect. Its not a case of accusing your partner of "all kinds of stuff", its about when you have a genuine feeling (whether correct or not) that they may not be telling you the whole truth. Have a snoop, find out the facts, if you find you have nothing to worry about, no harm done. I dont how you could ever ask someone if they are up to something without sounding accusing... thats the nature of what you are asking. Think of the scenarios... you ask(accuse) your partner of something without the facts... if your right or wrong the relationship is damaged... if you have the facts you only confront them if there really is a problem... so if there isnt a problem, no harm done to the relationship. Maybe you have been one of the lucky people who has always had these totally open relationships, if so then i am envious, I wish mine were so perfect, but then nothing is really perfect, is it?
  18. phil1981UK
    hey, well for what its worth firstly i dont think you have anything to worry about from this text message, if he says he wants to go back to his own country then you need to worry Secondly, regarding the post about not snooping... well i'll proberbly get fried on this board for saying this but i think its ok to do, different situations can determine whether the need is greater or smaller but in general i believe for-warned is for-armed, in particular if you think something is going on that you dont know about then going into full detective mode and getting to the bottom of things yourself is a good idea. Often you can save damaging the relationship because instead of accusing (because you dont have the facts) you can may find out through your snooping nothing is going on, then you never accuse and the relationship is better for it. Just my opinion.
  19. phil1981UK
    In my experience its tough as hell, and it takes commitment and determination to make it work. I have been in mine for a year and half and the whole time has been tough (i met my gf in my country, we dated for a few months and then she had to return to her own country to complete her degree). I think firstly you need to get this weekend out of the way and see how you feel, you may meet up and it wont be what you hoped, so dont think about the ldr thing until you have met each other. Secondly if you do decide to go for it, get ready buddy.... cos it aint easy, you miss em, you want them with you and you cant do anything about it. If you make it through to end up being together you will have beaten the odds, no doubt about it, but if you need a success story to give you some hope... my gf is coming to live with me next month... so stick it out if you think its worth it and if you are lucky and love each other enough you might just make it. Good luck dude!!!
  20. phil1981UK
    I agree with not given anything to her... she has told she just wants to be friends... if you give her something she may think your being pushy and that will not work in your favour. I agree with the post about working her over time, but not to much time or youll miss the window and the next thing you will know she will be with some other guy. Play it cool, make her laugh, get flirty with her, play around, make her time with you fun... if theres any chance of being with her this is proberbly the way to go. Good luck what ever you decide.
  21. phil1981UK
    I just did that test and got 138... a genius... behave, i dont know how this is worked out but i aint that smart!!!
  22. phil1981UK
    Man thats great, its so good to read some great news in the forum, i know its here to help people with problems but its fantastic to read success stories!!! Good luck for the future buddy!!!
  23. phil1981UK
    Perhaps thats the problem, i never went to colledge or university... maybe i just cant understand what goes on there and my imagination fills in the blanks for me... i kinda gave up a lot of my life to be around her as much as possible... maybe now i see it all slipping away i am losing a lot... i dont know Im sure she loves me and your right i mustnt let any jealousy show... its a bad road...
  24. phil1981UK
    Oh, and she just called me back and said her phone was in her pocket but it never rang... yeah right... it always rings... she says she only saw i had called when she got back in her room... go figure...
  25. phil1981UK
    she is 23.... whats your point?
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