Does this relationship makes sense?

[HeartBrokn]

Hello,

 

I will try to sum up the facts and then I will ask my question without going into a long email (I hope)

 

Me: 31

 

Divorced for past 1.5 years

 

Wasn't looking but fell in love, and now in relationship (long distance)

 

I am deployed for another 3 weeks, and then I am visiting her for 4 days

 

I have a few lady friends that I have been involved with sexually that I still talk to

 

I am a flirt by nature at the same time I love her and I have announced to the world that I am involved with her

 

Extroverted

 

Her: 22

 

Graduating college

 

Has many guy friends, a few who are aggressively pursuing her

 

Still lives a crazy life, goes out to clubs, concerts etc.

 

Believes in monogamy, but says that she would be hurt if I had an emotional relationship with another girl ratherthan a physical one.

 

She respects that I give her space

 

She changed her status on FB from Single to Not Single but did not specify me

 

Extroverted

 

So these are few facts about us. We told each other that we loved one another two weeks ago. There were a few vaguethings that were never discussed, thing like are we in a relationship and arewe monogamous until I brought it up last night. I understand that two people especially with the age gap that we have can have different ideas on what theexpectations can be. Younger people tend to be more open minded about that sort of thing but I wanted to know where that line was. I told her that I expect amonogamous relationship and that we should disclose anything that falls outside of that and she agreed. She also said that she considers cheating to be worse when there is an emotional relationship with someone else rather than a makeout session with some random guy on the dance floor. (Makes me wonder if that is a standard thing she does haha)

 

So anyways, since being in a relationship was not on my mind, I did not give it much thought. I did notthink about what I need from a relationship and all I am dealing with right now is bunch of feelings of insecurity and jealousy. I guess it's much easier for girls to be in these situations where they end up in random kissing fests on the dance floor. Guys pursue mostly and a girl doesn't have to do much at a club to get many guys trying to kiss all over her and more. In contrast, I have to lay the game down at a club in order to be making out with anyone So I almost feel like she kind of left the window open for things to happen on her end?

 

I guess what prompted me to have insecure feelings is that she did something out of the routine and then the tone in her voice was also different. I've been accused in the past for reading into something more than I should but I tend to trust my instincts and they don't fail me much, however my instincts do not provide me with the best way to confront a situation and that’s why I am coming here.

 

We talk on Skype twice per day once in the morning and once in the evening. Our conversations are usually up beat and we have a lot to say. She has been very busy with school and work so I can understand that she might be exhausted to carry on an upbeat conversation but I can tell the tone in her voice changes when we talk about certain things.Anyways the other day she was not on Skype and although she said she was working on a paper and didn't want to be distracted I had a feeling it might be something else. She disclosed that there are two guys (friends) that she has had longer conversations with and they are both trying to pursue her. She has told one that she is involved with me and the other she started ignoring.

 

My questions

 

Should I be in a relationship? (I know it's very vague but shoot whatever comes to your mind)

 

How do I give her enough space so she can do her wild crazy stuff without basically giving her a blank check todo whatever she wants ?(have her cake and eat it too) and also not give her impression that I am starting to not care or lose feelings for her?

 

What is a reasonable expectation to have in monogamy? Close friendships with other people? etc

 

How do you know you are ready to be in a healthy relationship?

 

Additionally, I am a party person. I got married young (20) so I missed out on a lot of fun crazy stuff younger people do. So this past year and a half I did my share of going wild. I told myself that I would not get involved in anything serious for at least 3 years but she came along and I just could not help it. We are a great fit but I am confused right now. I would appreciate your advice!

 

Thanks

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I think she has already told you how she would choose to behave. Relationship or not, she will choose to grind with a guy on the dance floor and make out with him. In other words, she doesn't see that is cheating (even though most people would). If you want a party girl for a girlfriend who sees nothing wrong with cheating on the dance floor...then expect that when she comes home to you and kisses you after a night of partying, she may very well have had her tongue down another guy's throat just a few hours before. Honestly, I don't think she is a very classy woman and certainly not relationship material.

[NANsense]

I have to agree with crazyaboutdogs....she has told you in so many words what she feels is acceptable--ergo you can expect that behavior from her!

It's no wonder they were chasing her when she conducts herself that way in public!...

 

On the other hand--you mentioned that you are still involved with other women....so it seems you are both offering up the same dish of "what he doesn't know won't hurt him".....

 

What confuses me is you're jealous....this would indicate you want her all to yourself--if so, then you need to have a discussion with her & tell her you have been seeing other women & that you will give them up if she really wants to be monogamous with you--but that also includes not making out with guys in bars--or anywhere else.

 

You have a right to add your two cents to the definition of monogamy and then the two of you can agree on boundaries that the both of you can live with.

 

Good luck

[HeartBrokn]

CAD, long time no see, anyways yeah I don't know if she said that because she plans to be kissing guys at the clubs or if that is something that just might happen on a occasion and she doesn't want to basically end a relationship on one incident. She does drink and when people drink they tend to have less inhibitions and other things slip. I am not sure if her logic is based on her being young and not necesseraly wanting to be in a very serious relationship or she doesn't know any better.

 

I have a feeling her age might be the biggest problem. She is at a part in her life where she is still partying and I am basically acting like an anchor by bringing up rules in our relationship. I really don't have a good handle on how healthy this thing is. I really felt close to her couple weeks ago but in the last few days not so much.

 

By the way NANsense neither one of us is seeing other people. I told all girls I was involved that I am seeing her and announced it on Facebook. She claims she did the same.

 

Thanks for responces!