I am so much pain right now !!!

[cosmokohn55]

I have been reading many of books of making up. I have read so many online forums and advice columns. I know this space is good. If we are to get back together , this space will be beneficial. I wrote him a letter and sent it to him , saying that I respect his space and that I always love him and I am very proud of him.

 

He told a friend of ours , that he loves me. Also that the distance is what did us .He also knows that I have always supported him and loved him. I moved 4 months ago , and thats when our relationship became this .....

 

I am moving back to where he his ,and he doesn't even know. He sent me a text saying we need to talk and to call him. I am in his heart and was his best girlfriend.I came in town to look at a school to transfer to , and get my job back and I called and left a message saying that he wanted to met up give a call or text . he never answered. That's when my therapist suggested I send him a letter explaining I think the space is good for us. It allows us to grow. Also that I didn't come in to pressure him , but I came in because I am moving back.

 

I love him so much .I can't stop the pain. I want to stop hurting. I want him to call , and say babylove I want you back . I need you . I love you . But ,I know this is going to be a very long process and going to require so patience. I have been strong, No calling or texting, unless he initiated them .

 

But, I just wish ...I would see his name come up on my phone. I want him back.

I wonder if he thinks of me..he has our gerbil ( that died , And I asked him to keep say goodbye for me ) in his freezer. The gerbil has been there for a month .

Also he has a pack of cigarettes on a bench that were the ones he was smoking when he broke up with me.

 

Also , I had a miscarriage that made me go kinda emotional before we broke up. I told him about it after we broke up in a previous letter. I think that this scared him .

 

I need him, I am so lost. I miss him so much . I have no desire to go on without him.. If I can't have him whats the point ????

 

Whats the point of living when your in constant turmoil . Everything remains me of him , and our love. I can't do this .. I can't be without him . I am praying to God that he can help me through this pain and help us reconcile our relationship . I love this man more than anything .

[chitown9]

Sweetie, you sound young to say that you cannot go on without him. If you need to go on without him then you will go on without him. You have your whole life ahead of you. Don't even think about throwing it away! Please seek help from a professional who will help you work through this difficult time in your life. I care....please stay on the site and let us know how you are doing. Peg

[cosmokohn55]

I am not young. I am 22. I have no desire anymore. How could he do this to me ?? ? How could he leave to cry everynight ..

[bri427]

strength will come...trust me, it will! right now the world fell to pieces in ure perspective but remember each day u gotta wake up and just "live". its gonna go on with or without you, might as well do something rather than nothing. in time u will find the answers to ure questions. right now, as hard as it may be...just focus on you. thats all u can really do at this point. u dont wanna beg, plead, become obssessive or belittle ureself. easier said than done, i know. but over time u will find ureself okay again. hang in there and make each day worht something.