Problem Envy

[catfeeder]

Sometimes I need to really hold back and curb myself from being curt and dismissive with some of the problems I see posted to these boards. Nobody deserves that from me or anyone else. All problems are relative, and it's not fair of me to expect anybody to appreciate the bigger picture of their health and their youth that they can't see.

 

My impatience speaks of my own limitations, not anyone else's. I've been trying to push myself forward into health for so long, and sometimes it's a big deal and a good day when I can sit up long enough to type. Without meds. Without my hands spazzing out or my back cramping up. Joy and triumph for making it through another week--even putting in overtime and gym time and feeling stronger and better most of the time. Pride in another whole year without going over my time-off days. Doing everything right--good eating, good vitamins, good attitude.

 

When I crash and burn I'm flat on my back with my mind working diligently to identify where I went wrong. Huffing the laundry? Carrying the grocery bags? One bad movement in the gym?

 

Damn. Last weekend I broke a sweat in my kitchen chair and fought to stay conscious as I got to the wingback in the living room. When I came to the pain was gone, for the most part. My test for going into work Monday was how well I could stand up in the shower. So glad I did that--I passed and felt better throughout the day as I solved problems and met with bosses and nobody had any idea that I was a mess just a few hours before. I love it when that happens.

[catfeeder]

Well, I'm on a two day zen bender of sitting in chairs that harm me. Yesterday it was the blood bank, today the dentist. Now if tomorrow wasn't Sunday I could get with the GYN and hit a pain trifecta.

 

The blood bank bus people are covert operators of the HR hall monitors and their shifty insurance friends who don't know we know that they're screening for HIV and other assorted conditions. Look, if I don't come off enough like a paranoid recliner sitter in my regular messages, let me just clarify for you that It's All A Conspiracy--and anybody who doesn't get that is sTUpid. I don't wear foil on my head yet, but I've been known to wrap a credit card or two in the stuff--and after listening to enough we're-all-gonna-die radio, I do I try to remember to lock my car doors manually.

 

I don't know how to build bigger veins. When the lady at the sign up table in the cafeteria stuck her foot out to trip me and make me commit to an appointment with the alien space craft, I forgot to ask how much blood, exactly, they'd need from me--and wasn't I working hard enough? I also forgot to remember that I'm the reason this thing called 'the Butterfly' was invented--and how I can make the best phlebotomist at Saint Claire's cry and throw down her test tubes to go home.

 

So when the guy yelled "ICE" and the whole bus team erupted into slamming overheads and banging containers to pop insta-cools to revive the guy next to me who then required a red vat to puke out his guts pretty loudly, I was surprised to hear him beg for them not to stop the flow--because the last time he tried this the same thing happened and they kicked him the hell out. "I just have to get a bag in, I can do this…"

 

Problem is, he was accross the aisle from me and they were all scrambling around him and bumping into my skewered arm that I couldn't move because they put it exactly THERE because I wasn't bleeding well enough for them--and so I kept dropping the ball I had to squeeze 3 times every 5 seconds.

 

Maybe those people stressed me out, or maybe I was doing it wrong. They kept bending over my bag and saying creative words to replace '$h!t!"--and what I didn't know was that it was a race against time. They have to cut you off after 20 minutes, and if your bag doesn't weigh within a fraction of a unit, it's toast. I found this out AFTER they clamped my cord and said they had to mark mine to get weighed better at the lab. They showed it to me, it was missing a few molecules at the top. If I'd have known this, I would have passed them 50 bucks to keep me on for another minute while I squeezed the ball faster and clenched my bowel muscles--or something.

 

They tell you the rules while you sit for 10 minutes and eat junk food. No removing the bandage for 6 hours. No exercise for 26 hours. No smoking or drinking… for an hour. I said, "I'll tell my coworkers to keep that $h!t away from me…" So what I take from all of this is that exercise = bad, cigs and booze = fine if you can pace yourself after lunch break.

[catfeeder]

Look, I just want to see you get the job, so I'll help you out below. That's what I am--a helper.

 

"Do you feel like you're successful person?"

Depends on who I'm having lunch with. And why.

 

"Explain a time when you felt successful."

Last Sunday I hit a bonus spin on The Dragon and won back the 60 bucks I'd lost that morning, before the church crowd.

 

"Can you walk into a situation and determine what changes need to be made"?

No, but if I keep my mouth shut, everyone will tell me all the reasons why they can't do their jobs.

 

"Give me a time when you've done that."

Well, your receptionist already gave me a list we need to start on...

 

"If a friend has something you need, would you ask them for it"?

No. And when it goes missing I had nothing to do with it.

 

"If an employee has an alcohol problem outside of the workplace and it does not affect their job, what would you do"?

I charge extra for snitching. Does the stakeout you have in mind serve Grey Goose?

 

See, if they don't have a sense of humor, you don't want to work there…

[catfeeder]

What if my own inner critic decided to be kind?

[tiredofvampires]

I just wanted to say kudos to you for such bare and candid revelations. I relate a great deal to your OP.

 

I'm wondering how you can safely give blood when you have the health issues you've described....but I'm just wondering aloud, as I feel this to be a very "inward" place for you, so don't feel you have to respond to that.

[catfeeder]

I just wanted to say kudos to you for such bare and candid revelations. I relate a great deal to your OP.

 

I'm wondering how you can safely give blood when you have the health issues you've described....but I'm just wondering aloud, as I feel this to be a very "inward" place for you, so don't feel you have to respond to that.

 

Hello TOV, it's great to hear from you. I remember you fondly and hope you are well--I have some catching up to do around here. Wondering if your smoking neighbor issue ever worked out?

 

My blood was med-free for a few months when I mauled that first attempt. At least I learned the drill. I've since aced a donation, filling the bag within a few minutes. The trick was to load up on water all morning. I'd also lowered my cholesterol significantly, which likely made my blood less sticky.

 

I've been pain free for most of the last year, having embraced some mild yoga and pilates. I think the muscle toning and increased flexibility has made me less prone to reinjury. Neck and lower back are my problem points--I lose half sensation in one arm and sciatica if I harm the back.

 

When I do the wrong thing, either of these can put me in trouble for months, so I'm placing my faith in the right instruction and some heavy sweating a few times a week.

 

Thank you for your thoughtful message, TOV.

 

My best,

Cat

[tiredofvampires]

It's good to see you back here, Cat. I've missed seeing your insightful and inspiring posts around here!

 

And thank you for remembering/asking about my smoking neighbor issue. Actually, as a matter of fact, no -- it hasn't resolved, and has instead escalated into an epic battle. It's turned into a legislative drive on my end, and without going into the political details, it's turned me into a very vocal advocate, working with a few organizations and lawmakers to change the status quo for people who are suffering with imposed, involuntary secondhand smoke where they live. This has become a public health effort for me on a large scale, though it still is very much a fight for my own place to live and saving that, where the air isn't contaminated every day. The stakes couldn't possibly be higher. It's consumed my entire life for nearly 3 years, with enormous personal toll, not just on me but my family (who has provided me a temporary place to flee to so that my health doesn't completely deteriorate to the point I can't finish this struggle), and though some very positive momentum has been gained, the actual victory feels elusive right now, as it's hinging on a few crucial things falling into place. It's indescribably exhausting and spirit-breaking...so much so, that if I do eventually win this, I hope it won't feel like a pyrrhic victory.

 

I'm glad to hear you're feeling better, and that your pain is improved. I'm no stranger to neck and back problems, and sciatica. It's amazing how much pain can put the rest of life in perspective...but also how much, when it's relieved, you treasure the smallest, everyday lovely things. Movement is so important...and it sounds like you're doing all the right kinds. I hope some day to get into t'ai chi or chi kung...

 

Congratulations on your successful blood donation, too!

 

Take care.

[catfeeder]

Last week or so at 2 AM I felt eyes on me from my window.

 

That's pretty creepy, but I was sleepwalking to the window so I knew it was not creepy.

 

I lifted the blinds, and sure enough, a handsome white tabby with orange and gray spots stood up from his crouch and stretched on my sill. And yawned.

 

Without thinking, I opened the next pane over, and sure enough, Himself stepped right in, and jumped down onto my floor.

 

I woke up and swore at myself.

 

He proceeded to inspect the place, and I curbed myself from heading for food--he was in beautiful shape, and I knew he belonged to someone.

 

It was so windy I couldn't tell if it was raining, so I walked him through the apartment to the front door. He came with me through the common area, and when I stood outside to coax him out, he plopped down on the rug inside and gave me belly.

 

Fat chance he was leaving voluntarily.

 

I needed my bathroom, so I stalled the argument.

 

When I came back out, I pulled open the drapes to my front porch slider and saw a woman walking..slooowly..and looking.

 

I stepped outside and asked, "Did you lose a kitty?" and she started crying. I invited her in to call Himself, who was busy rubbing everything.

 

She is my next door neighbor, Annie, who I hadn't met yet. He got out, and she was looking for him all night, only napping before heading back out again.

 

Himself must have heard my TV and hunched there for comfort--he had never been outside before.

 

Moral of the story: when you're a Cat Person you can try to curb yourself from picking up strays, but it won't work. They know where you live. ; )