Made a decision that hurt a friendship

[WhyAmIShy]

Not quite sure if this is the correct place to post this but...

 

My friend has been cheating on his girlfriend of 6 years for about a month now. From the first time he told me that he liked this girl, I made it very clear that I didn't approve of what he was considering thinking about doing. At first he claimed that nothing would happen, he just really liked being around her, talking to her, but before he knew it, it turned into kissing her just one time, and eventually going to her house... for hours at a time... doing bad things... And while I didn't approve, I didn't run to his girlfriend and tell her either, which wasn't the easiest thing to do, since I am friends with her also, only not nearly as close.

 

My friends girlfriend had been suspicious of him for a couple of weeks and the other night she followed him around for a while. It didn't take long for her to catch them in together in his car. So she comes to my work crying her eyes out, asking me questions to which I knew all the answers and none of which she would want to hear. I try for a good 10 minutes to tell her that she needs to talk to her boyfriend about all of this, that I shouldn't be the one to tell her what she wants to know. Eventually I cave on one very important question, "did they have sex?"!

 

I NEVER pretended that I would lie for my friend. I was brought up in a house where lying was a BAD thing, and so is cheating on the girl you've been with for 6 YEARS!!! I didn't even want to know about what he was doing, and now my morals may have ruined my friendship!

 

The worst part is that she caught them in the car... and he STILL tried to lie about it until I told her the truth! At which point he admitted to having sex with her ONCE, which is far from the actual number. Now I haven't talked to him for a couple days, which I can sort of understand, but I talked to her last night (after which I drank a couple Smirnoff Ice's) only to hear from her that he said he is breaking it off with the girl he was cheating with, who he told me he thinks he LOVE's, so he can continue with he longterm girlfriend, who he barely gets along with! I don't believe this for a second, but at this point I don't even want to think about it anymore.

 

I feel that he is going to continue to cheat on his girlfriend, with the same girl, because he stupidly thinks he can get away with it, even though he's already been caught! I don't want to see him continue to hurt his girlfriend this way, but it is his life, not mine.

 

I'm just so confused, I don't know what to do anymore... Please help...

[looking_for_love]

Wow! It's amazing that no one can be loyal anymore. I have been in this situation many times,and you did the right thing, especially considering that she caught them! I have also been brought up in a house where lying is horrible, and if your friend's girlfriend is your friend, then you did the right thing by telling her. No one deserves to be put in that sort of pain. I have seen many people hurt that way. SO you should talk to the both of them separately of course, but your guy friend needs to understand that what he did is WRONG and that he should definitely be trying to fix a six-year relationship, and if he doesn't listen, then it's best to leave it alone and advise the girl to move on. It isn't your life, but it is great to hear that friends are still concerned about their friends. That doesn't happen very often anymore. Hopefully I helped some, and I'm always here!

[kate111]

How can you be friends with someone like that!?

 

I would tell your friend that you know what he is up to and that it sickens you to the point that you are reconsidering whether you want to be friends with him.

 

That way he knows that what he is doing is NOT ok.

 

As for the girlfriend, if she asks you for advice I would advise telling her "once a cheater always a cheater".

[Hannibal]

First off let me say this. Do not give either of the advice concerning their relationship, it will only put you in a worse position. Unless you're telling them to work on things (but only if you honestly feel like they should otherwise don't say anything.)

 

Having said that, I would give this guy friend of yours a good tongue lashing for what he did and let him know that you aren't to happy with him. Also just try to be there for the girl if she needs to talk, but like i said before do not give her advice on what to do in the relationship (for example if she asks something along the lines of "do you think i should leave him?" just tell her that you can't help her make that choice, it has to be up to her.)

 

Only they can work it out.