WhyAmIShy

It sounds to me like she really needed you as a friend... someone to listen to her and comfort her, but I wouldn't read into it too much. Even if she really likes you, it wouldn't be wise to try to get into a relationship with her right now as she just left this other guy. It would really suck to end up as a rebound with her since I think you really do care for her. If she is not over the other guy yet she won't be able to concentrate her feelings on you and it could ruin any potential for a future relationship. If it doesn't work out it could also ruin the friendship you two have now which I would say you both value seeing as you are the one she sat up talking to all night when she was drunk and down in the dumps. I say continue to be there for her, be a good friend, which you obviously know how to do already, but don't push her into anything she is not ready for. If things turn into more than just friends great, but I wouldn't put too much hope on that, at least not in the immediate future. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Working out is a great idea even if you can't get to a gym right now... As long as you can stay motivated to keep doing it for more than a month, you will be stronger and healthier in the long run. I've been going for almost 2 years now, started at about 170-175 lbs and have worked hard to take in lots of protein and go to the gym at least 3 times a week and now I weigh 199 lbs, which still isn't that much considering I am 6' 10". My chest and arms are bigger (my legs were decent to begin from bicycling mostly) and people are starting to notice. It is definitely a great feeling the first time someone notices your muscle. Just don't expect super fast results, you have to stick at it. Sometimes it's hard to workout when you know you could be doing something else, but I find that working out with a friend is a great help. We motivate each other. Good luck and I hope everything works out.

I work with this girl I like and she recently broke up with her boyfriend (almost a month I'd say). I believe that she is "done" with him but he is always calling her and harassing her about stupid hypocritical things. Anyway, on Saturday I wanted to surprise her so I left a rose on her car for her. She caught me before I got away, gave me a hug and thanked me, and we talked for a few minutes before she had to leave. Turns out that the ex had been in the store fighting with her most of the day in front of the customers so she was in need of cheering up, and I believe the rose was just the trick. This is the part that I can't stop thinking about... It may be just my imagination but I feel like ever since then she has been talking to me less, almost avoiding me... There are moments when it's like nothing happened and we're best friends, and moments when I fell like I don't exist... Sometimes someone we work with will comment "you need a man that understands you and appreciates who you are and gets along with your friends etc etc etc..." and I just want to yell "I'M RIGHT HERE!" She leaves song lyrics and sutff on her AIM away message/profile and sometimes it sounds like she is basically telling me to go for it with her, but it also kinda sounds like she could be talking to her ex in those messages. One that I remember from earlier is "grow into the man you desire to be and I want and I will do the same." I can interpret that as stop being shy or as talking to the ex to grow up and maybe the situation will change between them. I know I should be happy we are friends at all, but ever since I gave her that rose I have started doubting myself for what is probably no reason and I haven't been able to ask her out. I am just making myself feel worse when I should be the happiest I have been in a long time. I just want to give her time to deal with her psycho ex and let her know I care without her feeling that she is pressured to move on and get with me. I guess that's all for now. Sorry if it's long or out of order, I just kinda typed it as it went through my head (again)... Thanks in advance for your help.

Not quite sure if this is the correct place to post this but... My friend has been cheating on his girlfriend of 6 years for about a month now. From the first time he told me that he liked this girl, I made it very clear that I didn't approve of what he was considering thinking about doing. At first he claimed that nothing would happen, he just really liked being around her, talking to her, but before he knew it, it turned into kissing her just one time, and eventually going to her house... for hours at a time... doing bad things... And while I didn't approve, I didn't run to his girlfriend and tell her either, which wasn't the easiest thing to do, since I am friends with her also, only not nearly as close. My friends girlfriend had been suspicious of him for a couple of weeks and the other night she followed him around for a while. It didn't take long for her to catch them in together in his car. So she comes to my work crying her eyes out, asking me questions to which I knew all the answers and none of which she would want to hear. I try for a good 10 minutes to tell her that she needs to talk to her boyfriend about all of this, that I shouldn't be the one to tell her what she wants to know. Eventually I cave on one very important question, "did they have sex?"! I NEVER pretended that I would lie for my friend. I was brought up in a house where lying was a BAD thing, and so is cheating on the girl you've been with for 6 YEARS!!! I didn't even want to know about what he was doing, and now my morals may have ruined my friendship! The worst part is that she caught them in the car... and he STILL tried to lie about it until I told her the truth! At which point he admitted to having sex with her ONCE, which is far from the actual number. Now I haven't talked to him for a couple days, which I can sort of understand, but I talked to her last night (after which I drank a couple Smirnoff Ice's) only to hear from her that he said he is breaking it off with the girl he was cheating with, who he told me he thinks he LOVE's, so he can continue with he longterm girlfriend, who he barely gets along with! I don't believe this for a second, but at this point I don't even want to think about it anymore. I feel that he is going to continue to cheat on his girlfriend, with the same girl, because he stupidly thinks he can get away with it, even though he's already been caught! I don't want to see him continue to hurt his girlfriend this way, but it is his life, not mine. I'm just so confused, I don't know what to do anymore... Please help...

OK... first a little background to bring everyone up to speed... I have known my girlfriend for about 8 years now, and we have been dating for the last 2 1/2 months. Back in junior high, when we first met, she asked me out; I turned her down; we still remained friends all through high school and until now. Being friends, I was skeptical about dating her, as ex's have the tendency to become enemies upon breaking up. Oh yeah, she is my first girlfriend. So we come to the decision that we will begin dating, everything is going great. My first kiss; good for me, great for her. My first EVERYTHING, still going good. About a month into the relationship we go away together to Niagara Falls, Canada. A little soon? maybe, but we've known each other for years, and in Canada we are old enough to drink! In Canada, we had made a mutual decision not to "go too far" and no matter how much we wanted to, we held back (although we did just about everything else...). Everything progressing nicely up to our 2 month aniversary when we finally have sex. Even afterwards, no akwardness or anything. End of background... Start of trouble... But now, suddenly, a couple days ago, something changed. I'm not sure what even... She called me one afternoon and we talked for a few minutes, everything normal. She asked me if I wanted to hang out, I said yes. She asked me what I wanted to do, I told her I didn't know. For some reason she wanted to hear anything but that. She says fine, nevermind, I'll talk to you later, and hangs up!!! So the next day rolls on by with no phone call from her, and the next day we have a night class together, so I called her and asked if we were going to get dinner or anything before class. She is very distant, all answers are kept to a minimum. Mostly one word answers. Just yeah, sure, fine, OK, bye. Not knowing I've done anything wrong, we go to dinner, class, Borders, Friendly's, home. She is talking to me all night, but only like a friend, not holding my hand, no kisses, nothing!! When she drops me off at home, I ask about her plans for the next couple days, hoping to secure some time for the two of us. She is busy the next night, but maybe we can hang out the night after that (tonight). I didn't hear from her again yesterday, but didn't think anything of it because I worked until 11 and I knew she was busy anyway. I worked 'till 8 tonight and didn't hear from anyone until around 11 from a mutual friend. She tells me that if I don't start picking up the phone and calling my girlfriend, she will probably dump me. Now this is where it gets confusing (to me, anyway). She will dump me if I don't start calling her, yet she has stopped calling me. Crazy? Only a little... She knows I have a problem with phones. I have always hated them. I can't stand them. We almost didn't go to Canada because she said that I have to make the phone call for the reservations. I just don't like calling people. I never know what to say. I guess I just have trouble handling all the akward silences. Sorry, went off on a tangent... So if this phone issue is such a big deal, why doesn't she talk to me about it. At least tell me "If you don't start calling me, I gonna stop calling you." You don't just stop calling someone and expect them to understand what you're thinking. And she made it sound like we had lost contact for a lifetime, when in fact we had only not talked for 1 day!! It's not like that was the first day in 3 months that we haven't talked to each other. It bothers me that she gets so angry so easily. And she doesn't understand how hard it is for me, I work 36 hours a week + go to school full time + spend as much time as I can with her and get all my homework done. And now I'm almost afraid to call her. I know she's waiting for me to call, but she is just so passive aggressive that I know when I do she will be rude and spitefull towards me like the last time we talked. And she feels (or so I'm told) that this is all my fault and that I should apologize and get her flowers or something. This is at least half her fault for completely cutting off communication with me and not telling me. Is it crazy for me to feel that she doesn't deserve an apology? Does she really deserve flowers for her actions? I don't think I should be rewarding her for punishing me, or herself. Am I crazy? Oh, and I found out that tonight she was at a movie we had already seen together with her ex-boyfriend... I'm not supposed to know that... but that ain't right, am I right? OK, I'm done... not sure if I left anything usefull out... sorry if I put in too much info. that wasn't usefull. Please leave me your thoughts, questions, comments, and advice. And if you honestly think I'm the crazy one, don't hesitate to tell me. Oh, and if you really wanna know, there is more crazy stuff I could've put in, so if you wanna read more craziness, let me know... Thanks in advance, WhyAmIShy Also, sorry about the length...

There is this girl that I have had a crush on since the beginning of the fall semester (September 2003) and around Christmas she started working at a store where my brother is a manager. One night I went in there (still before Christmas) for some shopping ideas and later that night my brother told me that she thinks I'm adorable (not sure if those were her words or not). I am quite shy and also work practically full time while attending school full time. I also tend to procrastinate from time to time... So I have done everything up until now to avoid confrontation even though everyone tells me I should ask her out. Just working keeps me busy most of the time so on my day(s) off I would just assume sleep as go to the mall and humiliate myself. The last couple of days/weeks have been pretty good for me and my self-esteem and I have made some good friends where I work who want to set me up with another girl this weekend (I have never really dated or had much of any kind of relationship). While I feel that this set-up would be an excellent experience/opportunity for me I also think that I may be closing the door forever on my crush mentioned above. I have the next couple of days off from work and feel that if I am ever going to ask out this girl, now is the time. At least if she says no now, I have a backup plan (not sure if that's the best term...). But have I waited too long to ask her out? It has been about a month since she mentioned me to my brother and I have never said much more than "Hi" to her since the first time I met her. I am starting to have the same fears I had when I first met her of wondering if she has a boyfriend since I waited so long. With these days off I will also be able to have the support of some friends who want to help me overcome my shyness, but I'm still not sure. Do I take the brave road and go after what I have wanted for so long? or do I just take the practically sure thing and go on this date (which would be a double date with a guy I work with)? And if I take the brave road and she says "yes" what do I tell my friend from work... "Oh, sorry, I've been single my entire life but the idea of you and your girlfriend setting me up with a friend inspired me to ask out someone else!!" I mean, I know this girl my brother works with is absolutely beautiful, and she (at one point) liked me. I feel like I'm talking in circles, so I'll shut up and let someone else tell me what they think... Thanks in advance, Scared, Excited, and Confused

Thanks for all of your support. I got lucky and they never even came to me for "my side" of the story so I never had to make the choice. I would like to think that I would have been honest if they had come to me though. Haven't heard or seen him since he was officially fired, so I'm not really sure what's going to happen in terms of police involvement and stuff, but I am definitely glad I didn't get involved. Again, thanks for the support. You guys (and gals) are the best.

I started working in my current job about 5 months ago and have never had any problems with any of the people I work with. For the most part, I consider myself to be fairly good friends with most of them. There is one co-worker in particular who (as far as I can tell) has been stealing products from the company since the store opened about 2 years ago. Now comes to my dillema... The day after Thanksgiving he was finally caught stealing something and a decision is pending as to what will happen to him with regards to the company. He has concocted a fairly good story (he has managed to get out of quite a few situations in the past) which includes a cashier saying they sold him the item, a little story about how he forgot the item that day and was bringing it out the next day (when he was caught), and a witness or two (this is where I am concerned) who say that they were with him when he purchased the item. He also has a receipt (from where I have no idea) to backup his statements. The store has been trying to "catch" him doing anything wrong for quite some time now, but the conditions of our particular work environment make it easy to hide things while nobody can see. At one point they tried switching the department he worked in, but ended up bringing him back with an approximately $2/hr. raise!! At this point I think it is obvious that he will be fired whether he has been proven a thief or not. The only thing of concern is whether or not the police will get involved. So do I: a) say I was there when he purchased the item and potentially lose my job for lying. b) tell the truth and potentially send my friend to jail. c) tell my friend I'm staying out of it and potentially ruin a friendship and at the same time potentially send him away. d) Other (please suggest other options) While I do consider him a friend, I don't know that it's worth threatening my job over, especially if he will lose his job either way. But I do want to help a friend in need when I can. I also don't want to let him down by saying I won't help him. Sorry if this post was a little hard to follow, but my mind is just going in circles trying to figure this thing out.

You're worried at 14?!?! talk to me in 5 years... I'm 19 and haven't had a kiss yet... and I know I'm not the only one on the site who can say that.

I am just curious... is this the same girl from "New problem..."? Either way, congrats.... take a minute to ignore all the other factors, like how you may feel awkward, and look at the fact that you have wanted this girl for however long and you are finally taking her out (...and making out...)

Let me start off by just saying that no matter what happens, it's never worth killing yourself over, no matter how badly you feel. I would also like to say that while I haven't been in the exact situation, I do understand what you are going through, or I would like to think that I do anyway... As for the girl, letting her know how you feel could be the best thing in the long run. Why hurt yourself more by keeping these secrets. Even if she does have a boyfriend, odds are that she won't forever, and when that day comes she will look for the people who have been there for her all along. I know, being very shy, that this is easier said than done, but getting those feelings out there you will probably find that she cares for you a lot as well. As for your faith in God and in your need to live, I think you are looking at your life the wrong way. Don't ask God to make things go right for you, or to do things for you; that'll never happen. Instead, ask him to give you the strength and the courage to make things go right for yourself. He does care, but he works indirectly. He wants us to learn, but the hard way. It's not that he's helping everyone but you, not at all. I have had times when I was severely depressed, and concidered suicide, but you will get thru it. If you died tomorrow, I guarantee that people you don't even know would care. Don't hate God, and don't stop believing in him. Don't even WANT to stop believing, or you may begin to talk yourself into it, and that will just make things get worse. Whether God is real or not, we need to believe that he is, to help us thru the tough times, to believe that there is a reason for everything, that you got rejected for a reason, even if you can't see it now. I wish you luck with the coming days, weeks, months, years... I know they will be tough... but you must get through them one day at a time. DEATH IS NOT A SOLUTION! Stay well, and PLEASE post again... so we all know you are ok... we DO care.

As I'm sitting here, browsing the site and other peoples problems, I'm realising that I'm soo shy I'm having problems posting advice!! If there is one place where I don't have to worry about that, and people will understand and embrace my comments, it's here, but I just can't do it...

This is my problem in a nutshell... I am shy, hence being at this site. I tend to get less shy once I get a feel for the people around me. I had a job this summer where I basically didn't say a word for the first couple days but after that I was as "normal" and open and talkative with those people as anyone else. That situation happened to turn out better than most of them... In the department of girls... I've never had a girlfriend, never had a kiss, nothing!!! Never even asked anyone out. Oh yeah, I'm 19 and in my second year of college... so you can start to see a problem... I know that my biggest problem is that I am so scared to talk to a girl that I wait too long and end up hurting myself even more than getting rejected. I usually end up just sitting and observing my surroundings and thinking about what I should say... by the time I am ready to speak up the conversation has moved on... Now I'm starting to babble... and I think I'm talking my problem in circles... like it is in my head when I think about it... so I'll stop now... Anyway, let me know what you think, or at very least, let me know somebody is listening... Thanks a bunch, WhyAmIShy