InaDaze87 Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 Ok..long story short I still love the girl with everything in me and I honestly believe she will always have my heart. That being said even though i hate to admit it i know this break-up is for the best. We have been split for 6 months with hot and cold periods on NC and then back to trying to be friends then back to NC again. The last fight we had we both said hurtful things and were really angry with each other. I haven't spoken to her since which was just over a month ago. Anyways I was out at a local bar drinking and ended up texting her "HEY"....in which I received no reply. Which is probably a good thing but now i just kind of feel a little hurt because she didnt and I showed a hint of weakness again. In that month and over the course of this break up I have tried almost everything to get her out of my mind and nothing seems to work. Exercise, sex, focusing more on school, hanging out with friends and family, going to bars, reading, video games, talking about it to friends, alcohol, even got rid of my facebook account....but she still comes back stronger than before, almost haunting me in both good and bad ways. What else can I do other than just give in and accept that I cant deny what is in my heart? Any Advice?? ANYONE?? Link to comment
dramallama Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 Those feelings WILL go away. And it will take longer than a month. It doesn't sound like she has any interest in being with you, so what other choice to you have other than moving on? Link to comment
InaDaze87 Posted March 28, 2011 Author Share Posted March 28, 2011 It doesn't sound like she has any interest in being with you, so what other choice to you have other than moving on? dramallama..That's the part im stuck on! She said she wants to be with me but just not right now. She claims she doesnt want to be with anyone right now in a relationship. What the hell does that mean anyway????? How can you say you love and want to be with someone but just not right now....and then have the nerve to discuss the possibility of engagement in our last year of professional school???!! Then 2 weeks later tell me that you have grown past me after asking me to come visit you the weekend of valentine's cause you wouldnt want to spend it with anyone but me?????!!!! And to sweeten the deal you are "dating" another guy(s)...... Link to comment
dramallama Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 When people say "I just don't want to be in a relationship right now" what they really mean is "I don't want to be in a relationship with YOU - EVER AGAIN." You can love someone, but not want to be with them. Stop analysing what she said and look at where you are now. If she REALLY wanted to be with you again she would have made moves to initiate reconciliation. But in all that time since you've been broken up, she hasn't. So THAT is what you need focus on, not what she said before, because words are cheap unless they are backed up by action. And the minute someone breaks up with you, you must always take what they say with a pinch of salt. In fact, don't have any dialogue with them at all, because it just adds fuel to the fire in your mind and gives you endless information to analyse. And she's dating another guy? That just supports my knowledge that she didn't want a relationship with YOU - it's not that she didn't want a relationship at all... just not with you. You really need to let her go in your mind and choose to move on. Stop ALL contact. Delete her from facebook if you haven't already (then change your profile settings to super private). Put all of her stuff away. Don't spy on her online (use leech block). Ask mutual friends not to talk about her to you. Ignore any of HER contact. etc etc. Change your environment and behaviour so that you can heal quicker. Link to comment
InaDaze87 Posted March 28, 2011 Author Share Posted March 28, 2011 dramallama..That's the part im stuck on! She said she wants to be with me but just not right now. She claims she doesnt want to be with anyone right now in a relationship. What the hell does that mean anyway????? How can you say you love and want to be with someone but just not right now....and then have the nerve to discuss the possibility of engagement in our last year of professional school???!! Then 2 weeks later tell me that you have grown past me after asking me to come visit you the weekend of valentine's cause you wouldnt want to spend it with anyone but me?????!!!! And to sweeten the deal you are "dating" another guy(s)...... Then after I say I cant deal with this anymore and need to take time to get over you (since you say you have grown past me) and that we shouldnt talk for a while..you get all upset and try to explain that you never planned on losing me completely and say how much I mean to you.....Does this make sense to anyone out there?? Please help me understand... Link to comment
TidalWave Posted March 28, 2011 Share Posted March 28, 2011 It's not in your heart, it's in your head. You just like to abuse yourself subconsciously with the idea of you two being together. Maybe because if you let it go your life would feel empty. Does this make sense to anyone out there?? In a way it does make sense. Though it's not an identical case, the effects of it are similar. I knew a girl and she said she wants to enchant my heart so that I never forget her and she wants to be with me, but not right now, then she strings me along for a long time, while banging other guys, and I let her do that to me, because I had no self-respect. See, I tried everything you did too. Friends, alcohol, sex, working out, parties, road trips, the list goes on... Nothing could help me at the time, because I didn't have enough self-respect. I just wasn't in love with myself at all. As rough as it sounds, I was a pitiful existence that kissed the ground. And I thought that I have to prove to her how much I love her, because it's the only way to show I care. Pathetic as it was, I couldn't wish for a better start. Life has a funny ways of turning things around though, and it was how pathetic I was that has got me started on trying to improve myself, and I worked, learned and grew and at some point I realized all the mistakes I made, till I outgrown my own vision of what I wanted to be. Now I make my own rules as I go and honestly despise that sl*t. Link to comment
Robin2904 Posted March 30, 2011 Share Posted March 30, 2011 I hate to hijack this thread, but THIS.... When people say "I just don't want to be in a relationship right now" what they really mean is "I don't want to be in a relationship with YOU - EVER AGAIN." You can love someone, but not want to be with them. Stop analysing what she said and look at where you are now. If she REALLY wanted to be with you again she would have made moves to initiate reconciliation. But in all that time since you've been broken up, she hasn't. So THAT is what you need focus on, not what she said before, because words are cheap unless they are backed up by action. This just really hit me hard. My ex said that to me after we split up, after I wanted to reconcile- that he just didn't want to be in a relationship right now. That he wanted his freedom and didn't want to be 'tied down' as he put it. I tried NOT to think that it was that he just didn't want to be with me, but after reading this now I know that's what it meant. It's a hard realization to make, and it hurts a lot....but I know its true. Link to comment
MissLizzie Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 Is the same theory applied to being told by your ex that they can't be with you right now? That they love you and maybe in the future you can be together but right now they can't? It's all head games! Link to comment
dramallama Posted March 31, 2011 Share Posted March 31, 2011 MissLizzie - yes, that's just another way of saying, "I'm not that into you, and I know you're probably not The One." Link to comment
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