Is there hope after seeming to come off desperate?

[ny guy]

Ok, so I met this girl somewhat recently....here's original thread...

 

 

 

 

I've been trying to plan a date with her, and we've both got very busy schedules at the moment.

 

I don't know why, but I've turned into such an insecure b!t$# lately. I feel like I really like this girl, and I just can't help but be unsure as to how she feels. We haven't even had a first date, mind you. That's a big piece of info.

 

 

So, if you breezed through the first post of the other thread, this girl is a nice girl. On top of that, I knew one of her siblings, and when he found out I wanted to date her, she told me he had nothing but good things to say about me.

 

 

Trying to plan a date around our schedules is pretty tough. We were contemplating going out tonight, but I gave her the out, considering she has to work all day into mid evening. I would understand not really wanting to hang out after working at a restaurant, so I gave her the out two days ago and she took it. No biggie.

 

But, today, we texted briefly, and for some reason in one response, I said something like...ok have a good day at work.....so when are we getting together?? lol

 

 

I can't help but feel like I'm coming off as insecure and desperate, since I'm doing all of the chasing/calling. She does text me every so often, and she told me that she wants to get together a few days ago. I guess I'm just being impatient. Maybe I'm desperate, lol who knows. All I know is that she is a really really nice girl and I've always been able to keep my cool and be chill. I just can't help it with this girl. And what gets me is that she seems so chill and cool about things.

 

 

 

So, to the root of my question. I have a feeling that in our convos via text and phone, I probably (maybe not?) gave off the desperation vibe. I can't help but feel that if I think I came off desperate....I most likely did. lol

 

 

If so....how could one recover from this, with this girl? Is it possible?

[Starberry3]

From a girl's point of view:

 

Yes, it is. First off, girls love when you text us first, just don't use all the periods, it makes us feel like something's wrong.

 

You don't sound very desperate, but maybe you should let her plan the first date, or at least ask her when and where she'd what to go, and tell her you'll make the arrangements.

 

Did that help or do you have more questions?

[ny guy]

Don't use all the periods? What does that mean?

 

Telling me that it is possible to recover definitely helped haha

 

I mean, I"m not desperate for a relationship I guess, it's just that I'm not used to waiting so long for a first date. It hasn't been that long really, I met her a month ago. But it does seem like an eternity.

[Starberry3]

Like when we see a guy type "School was great.......are you doing anything tonight.....?" It makes us feel like you're upset about something.

 

Haha I know how it feels.

 

-Starry

[ny guy]

Ahhh i gotcha.....

 

haha actually that's just how I text sometimes, can't help it. I'll just wait for her to get back to me after my seemingly desperate text. I know when she's working at her catering hall, it can get really busy for clips at a time.

 

I don't know why I think like this. She told me on several occasions that she is really looking forward to seeing me and that we will definitely get together and that she likes talking on the phone with me and getting my texts.

 

What's wrong with me? haha

[Starberry3]

Nothing's wrong with you. Actually, here's tip girl's like, when you're texting take about 5 to 7 minutes to reply, we'll think your busy and then we'll start chasing you!

 

I know, me too. It's really hard to stop.

 

-Starry

[ny guy]

she just responded, "when we are both finally not working! lol"

 

I definitely need to man up lol

[Starberry3]

Haha do y'all work full weeks or do you have weekends off?

 

Don't think like that, everyone has habits that are hard to break. It ain't just you.

[ny guy]

well i been working 70 hour weeks....saturdays and sundays lately....she's got school and then works Fri Sat and sometimes Sunday.....schedules are pretty tough

[Starberry3]

Hmm would your boss(s)/supervisor(s) allow time off?

[ny guy]

Hmm would your boss(s)/supervisor(s) allow time off?

 

it's part of my profession.....and sometimes it's not as busy... come spring/summer time, it lightens up

[Starberry3]

Maybe you should decide a time in the spring to have a nice picnik in the park or something. Definatly ask if you both could take time off.

[ny guy]

Ok, so I'm not sure how keen or interested this girl is.

 

She said she'd let me know her schedule after her work this Thursday (yesterday), but I haven't heard anything about that from her yet. Texted briefly last night, then she fell asleep. She said that in a text this morning. Seems to happen to her a lot.

 

 

So, she texted me this morning, and she said sorry that she fell asleep. I've been kind of short in my texts back to her. I would expect that she would know her weekend schedule, and if she was serious about going on a date, she'd want to let me know either way. She just asked me about work, blah blah.

 

I'm not going to say anything about this weekend, or call her. She knows I like her, want to see her. I'm already resigned to the belief that she's either 1) ehhh about dating, but likes to talk, or 2) there's another guy in the picture, and I'm the 'backup' interaction.

 

 

So, I'm not going to say anything like i'd normally say...which would be ...."Hey, just let me know if you'd like to hang out sometime"...

 

I'll just let this be...if she wants to do something, she can text or call.

 

Yay.