Very Hopeful!!!!

[cosmokohn55]

Hello everyone... I have been dumped..

My wonderful bf of a year and a half broke up with me about 3 weeks ago. I am a mess. He said that he needs space and no responsibilities right now. btw we lived together for a year of that relationship. We never got into any real big fights. Just normal .. let me have the clicker fights. Which always end within an hour. I called him last week , and we talked for an hour. He told me that if he were to marry anyone it would be me. He justs needs to figure out his life right now. His family is really nice, and great support system , they told me that he loves me and just needs time. I can seem to get him off my mind, I want to be back together ... and be us again.

Advice....

[Sunshine7]

I would say limited contact for this one not no contact. Reason being is he needs time so make sure you don't invade that - maybe drop him a text every couple of weeks, not talking about the relationship or what he wants, just light hearted stuff and no questions just statements because then he wont feel pressured to answer, you wont expect an answer, but he will still know you care

[Ivory_Tower]

"He said that he needs space and no responsibilities right now."

 

I'm not sure how old you are, but I translate that to "I'm young and while I like you I'm just not ready to settle down or deal with the responsibilites of having a permanent girlfriend." Either way he's making excuses. He either likes you or he doesn't.

 

He told me that if he were to marry anyone it would be me.

 

This statement is meant to give you false hopes and lure you in. Sure, he sees you as someone he could marry; however, that's not happening anytime soon so you guys had to break up or it would have caused problems down the road when he wasn't ready to settle and you were. He's also keeping the line of communication open so that you can attempt to get him back and contact him, and he has the option of hanging with you or not. But you still don't get to be his 'girlfriend.'

 

His family seems to like you, but I'm afraid he has the final say with dates anyways.

[MakeItCount]

I would say limited contact for this one not no contact. Reason being is he needs time so make sure you don't invade that - maybe drop him a text every couple of weeks, not talking about the relationship or what he wants, just light hearted stuff and no questions just statements because then he wont feel pressured to answer, you wont expect an answer, but he will still know you care

 

No, this is exactly where you need no contact. If he wants to talk, he can initiate. He asked for space. Give him all the space in the world, and then some.

[cosmokohn55]

We are both in our twenties.. He said he needed space , because he wanted to get his life in order. I am almost done with college and he doesn't know what he wants to do yet in life.Which isn't a problem with me, because I love him enough

[cosmokohn55]

His said that he could see himself with me again after he his done with this space phase and no responsibility phase ...

[MakeItCount]

His said that he could see himself with me again after he his done with this space phase and no responsibility phase ...

 

I think you should have a little more self-respect than to sit there anticipating him coming back to you. He's just playing games. Do your best to move on, if he comes back he comes back. If not, you are in a better place. How would you feel if he did everything he wanted to, then decided to date someone else while you were sitting there patiently waiting for him?

[Ivory_Tower]

I promise you he is making excuses. I'm probably the same age as you, which is why I suspect this is the case. I've had more than one break up, which I've talked to my guy friends about. I can offer you some more advice if you think it would be helpful.

[Ivory_Tower]

I think you should have a little more self-respect than to sit there anticipating him coming back to you. He's just playing games. Do your best to move on, if he comes back he comes back. If not, you are in a better place. How would you feel if he did everything he wanted to, then decided to date someone else while you were sitting there patiently waiting for him?

 

I totally agree. This is a strong possibility.

[cosmokohn55]

I really think that he just needs to figure himself out right now. With all the love we had, I can't see it going away. I never loved like I love him .So despite your advice I hope to think that he will want me back. Why wouldn't he after all we 've been through and I have done for him. I love him . I was there for so much and stood my him. His family says that he dances around the subject of our relationship. He doesn't say anything bad about me ,only what good our relationship was.

I don't want to let him go.. it was to good. But how could he do this to me? How could he leave me. I know in his heart he loves and cares for me , he told me last time we talked ( a week ago) that he didn't fall out of love, and he is hurting too.

[cosmokohn55]

So this leads me to believe that he does want me ... maybe ????

[Ivory_Tower]

You are only going to hurt yourself more by waiting around for him to want you back. Please don't do that to yourself. You deserve to be happy.

[Ivory_Tower]

So this leads me to believe that he does want me ... maybe ????

 

If you don't believe me, then google guys break up lines or men advice and see what they really mean.

[MakeItCount]

This is a classic example of why you should ignore anything they say and only look at their actions. He broke up with you. If he was in love with you, he wouldn't have. That's the bottom line, and you need to start accepting it. Reality sucks, but holding onto false hope sucks more.

[greywolf]

Thread closed.