Tryptophan Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 Were you accepting of the fact or were you in denial (tried everything out there to get them back)? I haven't ever been a dumpee so I don't know what I would be like or what my reaction would be. I'm leaning more towards thinking that I would be "accepting" that the person doesn't want to be with me anymore. I don't think I would ever beg or ask them to stay. No matter how much I suffer, I think begging would do absolutely nothing for my self-esteem. I guess I would go by that quote, "If you love them, let them go; if they don't come back, it was never meant to be". This is me trying to empathize with the dumpee. Link to comment
kuteknish Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 When the breakup was happening, I was mortified and cried and cried and begged (not proud of it, but its okay, my emotions were very involved). I didn't understand it. Then after a few days, weeks, even though it still hurt very much, I started to accept it. You can't force someone to feel differently, they have to feel it on their own. Now... I am grateful for the breakup. I wouldn't have changed or bettered myself, or made the friends I have if it wasn't for it. I'll thank him for that some day. Link to comment
gallop30 Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 Were you accepting of the fact or were you in denial (tried everything out there to get them back)? I haven't ever been a dumpee so I don't know what I would be like or what my reaction would be. I'm leaning more towards thinking that I would be "accepting" that the person doesn't want to be with me anymore. I don't think I would ever beg or ask them to stay. No matter how much I suffer, I think begging would do absolutely nothing for my self-esteem. I guess I would go by that quote, "If you love them, let them go; if they don't come back, it was never meant to be". This is me trying to empathize with the dumpee. are you preparing for something that you don't know? Link to comment
kuteknish Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 gallop! you're back! ... and if you remember what you wrote in one of my posts... hate to bust your bubble.. but you're still wrong. Link to comment
thewendy Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 I think that it's perfectly natural to cry and beg right after you're dumped. But if you've been crying and begging for weeks, then that's a different story. Link to comment
gallop30 Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 gallop! you're back! ... and if you remember what you wrote in one of my posts... hate to bust your bubble.. but you're still wrong. oh ,no no honey,i'm not wrong,just be patient. i told you ,it might take weeks or even months,but he'll want you back. you don't have to trust me,but honey i know better than all guys on ENA. Link to comment
kuteknish Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 I think that it's perfectly natural to cry and beg right after you're dumped. But if you've been crying and begging for weeks, then that's a different story. Nope! I am proud to say that it was that one night, and maybe one drunk phone call a few days later and then that's it. I learned from a young relationship 8 years ago that begging, pleading & embarrassing yourself does nothing but make you look a fool. Link to comment
kuteknish Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 oh ,no no honey,i'm not wrong,just be patient. i told you ,it might take weeks or even months,but he'll want you back. you don't have to trust me,but honey i know better than all guys on ENA. i don't know if i can trust someone with flames on their cowboy hat lol ... just kidding gallop!!! Link to comment
thewendy Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 Nope! I am proud to say that it was that one night, and maybe one drunk phone call a few days later and then that's it. I learned from a young relationship 8 years ago that begging, pleading & embarrassing yourself does nothing but make you look a fool. Yes I agree. Once the initial reaction of crying and begging wears off after a few days it's time to look closely at the relationship and see what went wrong. We know that no amount of begging or pleading will bring them back, or will right what went wrong. Link to comment
superfox Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 I went out with a guy last yer, he was incredibly stubborn and arrogant. I was due to spend a week at his new flat and the night before we had a minor disagreement by text (Hah!), upshot was he sulked then sent me a HUGE text saying it'd be best if I didn't come, blah, blah, blah. That night I ended up with a stomach bug and spent the week vomiting, too ill to text and beg anyway. That really annoyed him So it taught me that NC worked as by the time he sent the 'i Miss u' text I was all better and had moved on My bf now and I had a 24 hr split early on in our relationship, he was worried about being hurt (needlessly) and cut all ties. I ended up getting rip roaring drunk, emailing, texting, phoning, begging, making a right fool of myself basically! He refused to reply to any message or call and ditched me off fb. I went to bed cryng my eyes out (vodka doesn't help!). Sent one final text in the morning apologising and saying I accept and I won't contact him again, I don't 'do' that and have a nice life. He drove through the ice and fog that night to mine and it made us stronger. Link to comment
gallop30 Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 i don't know if i can trust someone with flames on their cowboy hat lol ... i just posted my worst pic and there you are making fun of it. i hate that hat myself,bought it in florida and wore it twice. fk that ugly hat. Link to comment
kuteknish Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 i just posted my worst pic and there you are making fun of it. i hate that hat myself,bought it in florida and wore it twice. fk that ugly hat. was only jokin around. early morning sarcasm. Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted March 24, 2011 Author Share Posted March 24, 2011 you're weird lol No, I'm not preparing for anything but I just want to know what the feelings are when you get dumped based on the reaction you have. Link to comment
heartbombed Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 I threw my guts up but that could partly been because I'm pregnant. Link to comment
resilient7 Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 humm,It's funny cause as soon as I got dumped I knew I shouldn't do all the begging and really wasn't gonna do it as I didn't feel like it but did it anyways almost because I THOUGHT that's what I had to do and of course due to other things going on in my life I went ahead and did it but we're talking here full throttle beggin,crying and pleading. Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 my original reaction was such shock that I responded to what I now refer to as his "speech" with one sentence responses, and then I got up and left. I went back 10 days later and asked if I could speak to him for 10 minutes, clarified a few things, and asked if his need to "take a break" was really wanting to end the relationship, and his response was "I just need some time". He had been through major stressors in the past year, and we had been together 1.5 yrs, and friends for 7 yrs before that---- I told him to take all the time he needed, and left. NC for 8 weeks, and ran into him 2 weeks ago. (BTW, we are both over 50) Link to comment
Alpha Ghaz Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 The break seemed like a month long process for me, which ended me finding out she had found another man when I had to move out of the apartment. It was a month of leading me around getting intimate filled with, "I love you" and I was just in denial and didn't see that she has grown so apart from me. I felt pretty used since I took her out and bought dinner for her that last month... Baffles me how some people can pull that crap. Link to comment
jonesyjakk Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 I pulled up after work, the light was on, i thought, the light is never on, i looked at my watch, it was 10.21 pm. I rubbed my face and thought something is not right I mean she's gotta bu up for work at 6.15am and is never up this late. I turned the engine off the car, took a deep breathe and walked up the drive. I knew we'd had some money problems and things had been tough. I text at about 7.30pm and she said everything was fine. I'd had such a laugh that night in work, been taking the mick out of one of the girls just having banter. Ironically probably one of the best nights I'd had in work. Little did I know what was about to happen. I walked in and she was sat on the sofa, her face said a million stories, she had that look, I knew that look meant bad news. I said are you ok, she said we need to talk. I said oh god what have i done this time? she said go and get changed. i said no its ok, tell me whats wrong. she said im not happy and i wanna finish. I stood there just looking at her.........i couldn't really speak....i ran upstairs and got changed.....i came back down and sat on the other sofa....we didn't say much, just that she had grown apart from me, didn't understand the things i was into anymore, she just wasn't happy. i sat in a daze, couldn't really speak...she said ive moved all my stuff into the spare room. My heart sank, I knew this was bad, but i couldn't speak....she said i gotta get up early and dont really have much else to say.....i was choking....she cried and went upstairs. I sat on the sofa for about an hour stunned.......i was shocked.....i wasn't anything else other than stunned!!!!! I went up to bed and sat down, I wrote her a note that said i dind't want this, i loved her, please don't do this....my son slept priecfully next door not knowing that she had made a decision that would now impact the rest of our lives.......i placed the note by her door and went to bed. The next morning she got up at 6. I heard her moving around and waited until she left the house before I got up. I dont think I slept all night, I just laid there in a daze, 8 n half years, a child, a house, so many memories....could this really be it? I opened my bedroom door, a note for me....it said that we had grown apart, and that she loved me, but was not in love with me anymore, this is something she has to do...this is the best thing for her....... I scrumpled up the paper slung it aginst the bedroom wall and broke down on my bed in tears........I spent the day pacing round my house, i never left the front door all day, i paced and wondered and thought, i just dont know what to do.....she came home from work, we talked, we hugged, said it was for the best....she said I am going to my parents house for a bit...she left....i broke down again in tears....and that was the point i phoned my mum and I knew my family was no more. Jonesy Link to comment
cdalton17 Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 That was sad to read. I dont have a child with this one. But It does hurt. I am going on 6 weeks Not sure if I really stopped begging though. I cried today, Had to go to church and see my Father there, I am still a wreck. 8 years. the previous week she said we were soul mates. I do not know how someone can be like that with emotions. But I am starting to look at it like I cant change them, They have there own feelings and emotions that drive them and nothing we can do about it. But I was bad and still am bad. I have issues though, I have a obsession problem with anything I do. I am obsessed with this break-up. But I realize now it was not healthy and it was for the best that we get better and healed. We definitly had love, But just leaving a 3 line note after 8 years while at work sucks.. We talked it out afterwards. But That was a friday the 11 in Febuary, We had a date night that night as well. But I cried all night all weekend and all the following week. Didnt eat didnt sleep and texted her like 40-50 times a day for like a week, No you did not read that wrong. plus emailing her, going up to her fathers were she is at for 4-5 days in a row. just sitting in my car. I went crazy.. Never been dumped before, never been alone before, Never loved so much before. I felt like I jumped off of a cliff that friday and that I am still falling. I am getting used to somethings now. I stopped calling her (unless I have a missed call), I stopped emailing so much and I stopped texting so much. I guess you can say I am slowly weaning myself off of my addiction, which was her. She knew I would take this hard. Just still a little lost. So I am over the initial shock, I accept what my reality is and that she is not here. I get bad with the crying like today, because I focus to much on us and the future and what i am missing not being with her. It is tough no doubt about it. I am still in the stage of why cant we still be together, But I did let go, because I accept it. Dont beg her back. I still have faith for us though. Because i know what went wrong and I am correcting my problems, and I know she is focusing on her, But she is getting distant, Wish she wouldnt get so distant from us, But I think she has to just to heal properly. Just wish I can be that strong, But I think if you are the dumper you have imediate strenght in it, either you prepared for it 1-2 weeks before or a month prior, and you know you have the upper hand in it, That it is really not lost for you..YET, Thanks Guys... Link to comment
jonesyjakk Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 Hey cdalton, we to were just over 8 years......it is very hard my friend.....i remember the morning, we both got up for work, we got our boy ready, she was taking him to her mothers....that was the last time we slept in the same bed, the last time we kissed, and i said i love you bye, and she said the same.......!!!!!!!! 16 hours later we were broken up! you will be fine, and im not just saying that, you will be, because I know, I stood before the gates of hell over the last four months.....I have been at my lowest....she has another guy....and i am enjoying my single life, focusing on me....its getting easier yet it is still hard and very painful! it hurts....but i turn my pain into motivation now....i remember the look on her face as she got off the sofa and went to bed.....that drives me to better myself and say.....LOOK AT WHAT YOU THREW AWAY!!!!! Jonesy Link to comment
LilMiss Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 this just happened a few hours ago... i asked if he really wanted to do this...he said yes...i asked a couple of more times and he just doesn't want to disappoint me and hurt me more down the line cuz he sees the red flags...*his drinking issues here*...he's really sad inside and I need to let him be to take the time to kinda find himself and face who he really is and what he wants out of life... I asked him to call me when he has found a bit of peace inside himself...i want to see him happy...and so....I send all the love and light I can muster...send it up to him..and let it go... what can i do but understand...i love him...I miss him...but that's okay he's a good person. Link to comment
little_buttercup Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 My ex dumped me towards the end of our last vacation. Usually we had a blast on these trips but this time was different. He was distant, like he was holding back a lot, and we didn't talk or laugh like we normally did. My intuition indicated that something was off, but I couldn't figure out why. So I tried to ignore it. On the day before we were scheduled to go home, we watched a movie and he broke up with me afterwards. He cited irreconcilable differences. (Same as the movie.) I was shocked because he gave no indication beforehand that he wanted to end it. He talked, I cried a lot and tried to compose myself, and then cried again. He tried consoling me and it didn't work. I just couldn't believe what was happening. At one point he tried kissing my forehead, but I made him stop. He gave me tissues when I needed them and assured me that I'd be okay and we could be friends later. We went to a restaurant for dinner an I only ate 3 bites of my meal. He looked concerned, but didn't comment. When we returned to the hotel he decided to take me home early. So he did. When I got to my room, I broke down in tears. My chest hurt really badly, too. I got an unexpected call from a friend, who was empathetic. I couldn't sleep and I kept crying. To top it all off, my best girl frienc ditched me 2 days later and that hurt too. It took a long time for me to maintain a normal weight and to sleep properly. It's been 11 months since then and while I still do cry over him, it's not as much as I used to. Link to comment
iwannarun Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 I cried a lot. But I didn't beg him to stay with me...I let it happen cuz I knew there was no changing his mind. The ex before that though, I did beg the first time unfortunately. Then when he wanted me back...he begged. Fortunately I did not take him back. Link to comment
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