He said he wanted to give us another chance, but I dont feel any better?

[Kjv1611ad]

He told me Saturday morning that he wanted to take things slow and give us another chance. Hes was wishy washy at the beginning of the conversation.

 

Now I feel it was forced. By me. I dont have any clear ideas as to what taking it slow means. We have told each other we love each other, etc.

 

We have plans tonight. Should I bring this up? I just want a clear idea of what he means by this, are we back together? Are we not? Are we seeing other people?

 

And how should I respond? I will not see him if he is dating other people, he has already told me he doesnt want to. I dont want to force too much too soon though, either.

 

Id he going to feel he can have his cake and eat it too? Not invite me to things with his friends? etc? not include me in his life? these are things I want the answers to.Is it too soon to ask?

[JerkBrokeMe]

How did the conversation go? How did he come to saying it? How long were you apart? I think all those things depend on whether or not he meant it or not. I don't know about your guy, buy my ex would not be able to be talked into it, so I'm guessing your's meant what he said.

[Kjv1611ad]

He wasn't sure at the beginning of the conversation. I told him I loved him, and that he knew we couldnt be friends, because I am too emotionally invested. He kept saying he didnt know. I said, "this sucks". He said, well, when you said you wanted to take it slow, what did you mean by that? I said we didnt have to spend every day together. He still didnt give me an answer. In the car I said it again. He didnt seem to want to give me an answer before but I think he knew I needed one. He said we could do that. And was uncomfortable when he got out of the car, I could tell.

 

I have initiated all contact since, asking him to do something tonight, thanking him for giving us another chance, etc. Over the top on my part. But he doesnt call me, doesnt initiate contact at all and this makes me second guess what is really going on. I dont feel like we are back together actually. But I am wondering if I should just back off a little? Or address it with him?

[Kjv1611ad]

Apart one month.

[JerkBrokeMe]

Its hard to tell. In my opinion, and trust me I have no idea what I'm doing, I would say take him at his word and just go slow. Don't contact all the time. Make sure you don't nag him about it and see where it leads you. Because you did get what most of us are hoping for, and you don't want to blow it by saying "your response just wasn't enthusiastic enough". But again, I don't know the guy. I don't know how far he'll go just to stop hurting your feelings in the moment. I don't think most would go through the pain of breaking up just to give in due to feeling guilty.

 

Like I said, take it slow and when you are with him just be the girl he fell in love with and try not to worry about the lables for awhile. Act as though you also want to take things slow and don't want to jump right back into something serious yet. Hopefully he'll begin to come around on his own. This may be bad advice, but the only thing I, personally, would ask is if we are exclusive while we are taking things slow. If anything for safety reasons but also for my own sanity.

[Kjv1611ad]

Thank you. That is what I was thinking myself. So I have been a little over the top the past few days since saturday, telling him how happy i was and that i couldnt wait to see him again. So i know I need to pull back quite a bit. I should probably make sure he isnt/cant see other people if we are doing this. And I will have that conversation with him tonight, although during our break we agreed we werent going to see other people anyway.

[doyathink]

Those are your insecurities playing with you. The push/pull stuff. You get insecure when you feel him backing off, so you start pushing. Man, girl...If it were me, and he said he wanted some space...I'd do a 180 and let him do the chasing. If someone wants space, Ill give them more space then they asked for.

[dramallama]

I have been in your position and judging by what you said I think the conversation WAS forced by you. When someone wants you back (the dumper only, because the dumpee should be miles away), THEY will be convincing YOU. Not the other way around. Sorry, but he should have been asking and basically begging you, but you had to talk him into being with you. Just tell him that it's not working out and that you feel he doesn't really want to be with you. Beat him to the punch because it IS coming. Then do a 180 of how you FEEL you should act and go complete NC.

[xiRoCb294]

When my ex and I were getting back together again after being on a break, we also agreed to take it slow. For us, it kind of meant that we would just take it down a notch... like instead of talking to each so often, we would just give each other some more space to miss each other. Make sure you don't nag him or anything, because that'll push him away.

[Kjv1611ad]

We went to dinner and a movie last night and had a great time. At dinner I said, well, you said you wanted to work it out,are we going to talk about what we need to do, or is this going to be like every other time, where we ignore it and this happens all over again? I don want to do it today, but Id like to. He said yes. I dropped it. I spent the night at his house, and said some things in bed, but didnt push the issue too much. Just told him I didnt want to feel this way, its been this way for so long. He held me and everthing and it was nice.

 

We are back together. So I dont know if I should say what you said, that this isnt working and let him chase me? Or just back off? I said I wanted to talk, and see if he ever takes initiative to do it?

 

Ive decided not to initiate contact with him until he does it first.

 

So confusing....

[Kjv1611ad]

And remember, drama, I WAS the dumper. But he forced me to it, with his actions. All I wanted from this was a willingness to work on things. He would never give that until me(verbally) since the break until now. He didnt give me any indication of anything for 6 to 8 weeks. He kept saying "you broke up with me", and I told im why. I wanted him to work this out or there was no point. And he could never agree to it. It crushed me. It took him this long to agree, and he we are again, I feel, pretending like nothing is wrong. In my opinion. He may disagree. I dont know.

[dramallama]

It sounds like he's not as into the relationship as you so he's not willing to put in the effort to communicate, or he's just naturally not that great at it. Either way, I see him as being passive aggressive in that he is hoping that you'll just get sick of him and dump him. A man that wants to keep you WILL put effort in, and one that wants you back WILL chase after you and do anything to make sure that you stay. It just doesn't sounds like he's all that into you.

[Kjv1611ad]

I know. It just sucks to hear. I talked with him last night and told him all these things. At first it didnt go so well but at the end he said that he will do his best to make me happy. So I am going to back off and see what he does. I honestly dont have the best expectations for this. I want to see if he is willing to do anything. BUT I cant nag him when hes not. I gotta give that a fair honest shot I suppose. I am mentally going to step back and watch him for the next two weeks. If he does nothing, I will say nothing. I cant get mad at him for not caring about me, he cant control that. I DONT want him to just be so passive aggressive that he just wants to be a * * * * so I will break up with him. Thats not going to happen again.