My "Straight" College Roommate? :(

[hellodoe]

Some background for the story:

I am a freshman and college & a lesbian.

My first day here I came out to my roommates (I have three in one room - long story).

Anyway, they were all cool with it - none were homophobic.

I had a long distance girlfriend for the first 6 months of college and we just broke it off three weeks or so ago.

 

Anyway, all of my roommates are straight, but my roommate we'll call her R is the one i'm talking about. So, R is quickly became my best friend, I adored her, told her she was beautiful all the time, bought her things when she ever mentioned something she liked, took her out to dinner, etc.

I did all these things for her because I love her so much, not because I want anything out of her, it just made me happy to do anything for her and in all honesty I had become incredibly attracted to her the more i knew her..

 

So, after 6 or so months, my girlfriend and I had a really messy break up and split..

 

R is with me through everything and we're just as close as ever.

 

Fast forward three weeks, R and I are leaving a party and she tries to kiss me in an ally way downtown, I said not here because I was SO nervous and it was too dirty and gross for our first kiss.

 

Eventually we're back in our room and she leans in to kiss me.. I kissed her back and we moved to my bed. We stayed there kissing/makingout/exploring each others bodies for around 4-5 hours.

 

After this.. We didn't kiss for about three days before we started kissing all the time. We sleep together almost every night, kiss all the time and makeout all the time but as soon as we get with our friends, we're completely normal. sometimes we'll make little hints at the hooking up that only the two of us would understand and laugh about it.. but other than that - we act like just friends and do everything together.

 

i asked her about her sexuality because we started to get more intimate and less experimental and she seems to get nervous when i bring it up and than just insists she's completely straight.

 

Should I stop doing this before I fall for her and completely ruin the friendship? Or should I do what feels right and see where it goes?

[FathomFear]

Should I stop doing this before I fall for her and completely ruin the friendship? Or should I do what feels right and see where it goes?

 

That would be my recommendation. This scenario usually doesn't end very well. If she's straight but just experimenting, it will likely end with heartbreak as she ultimately won't be able to be with you long term. If she's actually closeted and really bi/lesbian, then you're going to have to walk on eggshells and hide any kind of relationship--which usually causes lots of drama over time. The best bet is to sit back and be her friend until she figures things out.

[hellodoe]

Just reading this now..

Since i've posted this we've been getting more and more intimate.

 

I'll just give more details:

-Since the first time she's become so much more affectionate with me, it used to be only at night she would "come alive" so to speak haha, but now she treats me with loving mannerisms all the time.

-She's becoming much more lividly sexual, she's been with a couple guys intimately before but she didn't go as far with them as she has with me. When we hook up it is completely charged with passion or lust.

-One of our good friends found out who has been openly chasing me for months and is completely heart broken.

-I don't want to date her, I don't even know what I'm doing - I just like having a someone sometimes and I'm insanely attracted to her.

 

 

I don't know how to just be her friend anymore We're both too far into it.. It's even harder because we live together - this situation just got way messier than it was supposed to.

She already confessed to me she would be jealous if I was with another woman, but I know it's inevitable I would be with another woman because of course I want to be with a lesbian.. She also said her biggest fear is that when she is involved with a man intimately like she is with me that he won't say the things I say or do the things I do and that ultimately - she will feel as though something is "missing".

I really don't know what to think about that?

I know I would be jealous if she was with a guy instead of me - but I also realize that's inevitable because she is straight.

 

I'm not sure what to do now - I don't like talking to her about it too deeply because she loves that I don't ask her to explain her feelings, I just embrace them.

 

Any advice

[JazzTheme]

It will take a long time for her to come to terms with her desires. It would probably be tough on you waiting it out.

[Ariel85]

All my gay friends tell me they run from people who: 1) aren't publicly "out" and, 2) label themselves as "straight".

[chocolatemilk]

Stop buying her things for one, unless it's a special occasion or you actually start seriously dating, so pretty much only on her birthday and Christmas and nothing expensive. You are setting yourself up to be exploited if you do things like this for girls you like (and hardly know). I know that you think you can trust her and I'm sure she's not a bad person, but you need to look out for yourself more and that means being careful with who you trust and how you treat others, as a general rule.

 

You need to learn to be kind/express your affection without busting out your wallet or showering a person with compliments 24/7 okay?

 

At the very least you do not want to create such an uneven relationship between you.

[Lucy__lou]

Oh dear

What a predicament.

1. hooking up with a room mate (!!!)

2. getting involved in a same sex relationship with a girl who says she's straight but whose behaviour contradicts that.

 

Either of the above would be trouble enough on their own.

 

If I were in your shoes, I'd be exploring my options for moving out, unless of course, you're able to get past your feelings for her and go back to being just room mates.

 

If she's straight, then you're setting yourself for heartbreak (from someone you have to see each day - bad)

If she's a closet case, then you're letting yourself get dragged into someone else's mess. Personally, I make a point of not fraternizing with closeted people, because a person can never tell just one lie, and if they're living in fear, they're bound to make choices which are harmful to others around them. That's just how secrets and fear works.