rustyschackelf Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 As the title states I think that my fiance is once again holding things that I did before she even met me against me. Specifically that years ago I went on a trip with an ex-gf, we have argued about her holding this against me before and I reminded her that it was years ago and that above all it happened before we even knew each other. The last time she said that she was over it and dropped it, but all of the sudden she is starting to get mad at me for it again. I just don't understand why she is making such a big deal about it, as again it happened before I knew her, and I don't even know how to respond to her when she inevitably will start in on me about it. Any suggestions would help. Link to comment
DrKitten Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 How is this even coming up in conversation? She is obviously threatened by your previous relationship. I suggest some counseling (individual for her, and maybe as a couple too) to truly get past this issue before you get married. Link to comment
vilos Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 Hold on... She holds a vacation against you? How is that possible? Link to comment
hexaemeron Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 Yet another broken person making her worst nightmare come true as fast as she can. Does she even admit to being ridiculous? Link to comment
rustyschackelf Posted March 11, 2011 Author Share Posted March 11, 2011 How is this even coming up in conversation? Its coming up because we are planning a trip which she will probably need to obtain a valid canadian passport for and she knows that my current canadian passport was used on the trip that I took years ago with my ex. Even though she hasn't come out directly and said exactly why she's upset I know that's the reason, she started acting this way as soon as we started discussing how to get her a passport. And yes I agree that its totally ridiculous that discussing a passport makes her go there. Link to comment
vilos Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 Does she get mad when you go to Subway because she suspects you once took the ex there? Does she get mad when you watch movies together that you've already seen with the ex? Does she get mad riding in your car because she's in the same seat your ex sat in? Link to comment
tinkerbellkj Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 Wow. You really might want to reevaluate getting married to her, you could be in for a very long life. That is possibly one of the more ridiculous things I have ever heard. I assume she has a past of some type as well? I can't speak for others but I can 100% honestly say that I am happy for each and every ex of my husbands because they helped shape the person that he is today and the person that I love. If more people started thinking like this, I think people would be a lot happier, just saying. Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 Hey, I admit that I *could* get upset over my guys past. Meaning, I don't really care to picture him taking trips, bringing flowers, making love, laughing with, etc. ANY other girl, even those in his past. I know it's totally irrational. I mean, jealous about his past? Ha! It's not really that. I just prefer to think EVERYTHING about us is new and fresh and special. Humor me. But, I have never melted down to a guy about his past and caused a fight. I'm not that insane. Close, but not totally there. So, what do I do? I ask NOTHING about his romantic history. Top of the trees only. "Oh, you dated a flight attendant for a year? Sounds fun. So,where did you want to go for pizza tonight?" Works. Like. A. Charm. As for your girl, she needs to learn this trick. Pronto. Link to comment
vilos Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 I couldn't live like that. I insist upon knowing everything about my serious partners, and I'd like to be free to tell them about anything from my past without fear of being judged or causing jealousy. Link to comment
redswim30 Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 I second the opinion that you may want to really think about if you should marry this person. You can't change your past. It is what it is. Either she can handle that or she can't. But IMHO, it's ridiculous to hold something against you that happened before you dated her. First ask her why this bothers her so much, and assure her that you are marrying her and not your ex. Even so, you two may want to consider pre-marital counseling. If that doesn't help, I'd really think long and hard about marrying her. Marriage is hard enough and forgiveness is key in maintaining a long term one. If she's this upset about something that isn't even relevent, I'd be worried about how she respond to something that is. Link to comment
jenny_mcs Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 As the title states I think that my fiance is once again holding things that I did before she even met me against me. Specifically that years ago I went on a trip with an ex-gf, we have argued about her holding this against me before and I reminded her that it was years ago and that above all it happened before we even knew each other. The last time she said that she was over it and dropped it, but all of the sudden she is starting to get mad at me for it again. I just don't understand why she is making such a big deal about it, as again it happened before I knew her, and I don't even know how to respond to her when she inevitably will start in on me about it. Any suggestions would help. Wow. Do you really want to live like this? I would tell her, straight up "I am not going to be made to feel bad or guilty for taking a vacation with the person I was dating with at the time. I won't be discussing it anymore." That's just crazy. Does she act like about other things? Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted March 12, 2011 Share Posted March 12, 2011 Any suggestions would help. My only suggestion is to re-think any wedding plans and put them on hold for a little while. If this is what she's like now, it won't change once you're married - in fact, it could get even worse and before you know it, you'll be heading to a court asking for a divorce. Take heed of the red flags. Link to comment
swordkata Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 Wow. You really might want to reevaluate getting married to her, you could be in for a very long life. That is possibly one of the more ridiculous things I have ever heard. I assume she has a past of some type as well? I can't speak for others but I can 100% honestly say that I am happy for each and every ex of my husbands because they helped shape the person that he is today and the person that I love. If more people started thinking like this, I think people would be a lot happier, just saying. You got lucky because your husband is not a resentful, torn up, insecure, paranoid man. You called "black # 30" and won the roulette wheel. Many, and I mean many people are not as lucky as you or husband. Link to comment
swordkata Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 As the title states I think that my fiance is once again holding things that I did before she even met me against me. Specifically that years ago I went on a trip with an ex-gf, we have argued about her holding this against me before and I reminded her that it was years ago and that above all it happened before we even knew each other. The last time she said that she was over it and dropped it, but all of the sudden she is starting to get mad at me for it again. I just don't understand why she is making such a big deal about it, as again it happened before I knew her, and I don't even know how to respond to her when she inevitably will start in on me about it. Any suggestions would help. Although I feel your frustration, I really do. But why do people give up so much info for the other person to use against them? Link to comment
Magpies Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 Although I feel your frustration, I really do. But why do people give up so much info for the other person to use against them? Yes but this information that he's 'given up' is completely innocuous... he went on this trip with his ex years before he met the current gf. So what? It's no big deal. Her reaction to this is utterly bizarre and out of proportion. He should be able to tell her these things without her getting freaked out by it. Very odd. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 I have a suggestion, tell her she is no longer welcome on this trip. I'm serious, if she wants to act like a child and pout because God help you, you actually had a life before she came into it, then she can sit it out at home and think about how completely ridiculous she is acting. Link to comment
superfox Posted March 13, 2011 Share Posted March 13, 2011 I have a suggestion, tell her she is no longer welcome on this trip. I'm serious, if she wants to act like a child and pout because God help you, you actually had a life before she came into it, then she can sit it out at home and think about how completely ridiculous she is acting. Exactly! It won't get better when you get married. Link to comment
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