Jaydedgirl Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 I am sad, miserable and i feel completely alone and heartbroken... For a while i have been posting about this guy at gym who i have a huge crush on and although we never spoke he used to look at me alot,smile at me and wave goodbye when i leave. I thought he liked me and one day would come up to me and talk. But now i know thats never gonna happen.... Today while driving around with my mum, we stopped at the robots and then i spot his car and i saw him,he didnt see me...then i noticed a girl next to him Thats when my world fell apart... i knew straightaway that was his gf, shes attractive too and appeared to be telling him something and he looked at her and she was like sleepy... That should be....that girl should be me... my world is an empty place...i wanted to cry out loud but didnt want my mum to know.. I know this all sounds silly and crazy but i really felt we had something special going on between us..i could feel the chemistry when he looked at me..i could picture myself with him,smiling,laughing,holding hands but now that dream is crashed...i feel like the Titanic..im sinking and i cant be helped Im sitting here crying my heart out...i dont know how can i face him at gym..i dont know whether i should ignore him or keep smiling and looking at him when he does so. Why would he give me all these signs when he has someone? Why? I dont understand..for the first time i thought a guy actually notices me and ignores all the hot girls in gym but i was wrong.. I feel like dying,really theres no point in going on this life when im all alone...deeply alone. Nobody understands...my heart is shattered.. Link to comment
Shnoodle Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 You feel like dying because a crush is taken? No, not many people could understand that. I'd hate to see how you react if a real tragedy hits your life. Link to comment
Firiel Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 I know you are hurting, but think realistically... you hadn't even spoken with this guy. The only thing you have to go on are his looks. He could have been a jerk. He could have been a nice guy, but totally wrong for you. For all you know, she is his sister. Everything you know about him and this situation is supposition. You have created a fantasy around him, and it's that fantasy falling apart that is hurting you so much. Next time you are at the gym, go up to him and ask him to coffee or something. If he says he has a girlfriend, then you have your answer... one based on reality and not assumptions. And in the future, don't be afraid to approach a guy from the get-go, at least to chat so that this type of fantasy-building and destruction doesn't happen again. It's always better to know the facts and then to go from there. Link to comment
Jaydedgirl Posted March 5, 2011 Author Share Posted March 5, 2011 You feel like dying because a crush is taken? No, not many people could understand that. I'd hate to see how you react if a real tragedy hits your life. You dont understand..i liked this guy alot.. Link to comment
Shnoodle Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 No I don't understand. I've had intense, loving relationships collapse, and I put on my big girl panties and dealt with it. You've never even spoke to this man. Maybe I'd understand a tad more if I was 14, because that's about the age that hearing "No one understands me!" was a common cry of self-pity. Link to comment
Firiel Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 You dont understand..i liked this guy alot.. No you didn't. You didn't even know him. You liked his looks and the imaginary personality you constructed for him. To avoid this kind of experience in the future, talk to guys that you find attractive so you don't create this fantasy around them. Link to comment
TidalWave Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 You dont understand..i liked this guy alot.. So you fantasized about this guy and basically created a whole world with him in your fantazies, and then you found out he's got a girlfriend. Well, that, in a way, feels like real tragedy, I understand that. Next time, live with what is, not what could, should or would be if,... Link to comment
Jaydedgirl Posted March 5, 2011 Author Share Posted March 5, 2011 No I don't understand. I've had intense, loving relationships collapse, and I put on my big girl panties and dealt with it. You've never even spoke to this man. Maybe I'd understand a tad more if I was 14, because that's about the age that hearing "No one understands me!" was a common cry of self-pity. If youre just on here to bash me then please dont answer my questions..im hurting enough already. Everybody deals with things differently..if youre a tough girl then good for you. Im a more sensitive and emotional type of person. I know I never spoke to him but i felt the chemistry between us and now that i know hw has someone changes everything.. Link to comment
Jaydedgirl Posted March 5, 2011 Author Share Posted March 5, 2011 So you fantasized about this guy and basically created a whole world with him in your fantazies, and then you found out he's got a girlfriend. Well, that, in a way, feels like real tragedy, I understand that. Next time, live with what is, not what could, should or would be if,... I guess i did think that he would ask me out one day and I would have a smile on my face and say yeah id love to go out.. Maybe i should stop reading Nicholas Sparks novels... true love doesnt happen to me.. Link to comment
Shnoodle Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 I'm not here to just bash you. I'm just one of the few people here who will make no attempt to spare your feelings. Reality can be a brutal thing. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 Moderator Note: Please be respectful when posting. Link to comment
nikkinoodles Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 I think I understand what you feel. You saw a possible interest, let your imagination go a little bit thinking what it could be like, you enjoy the feeling these thoughts give you and then the fantasy goes deeper and you develope feelings for this guy and there is a mixed up confusion between reallife and fantasy. Although the guy is technicallly real, the guy you fell for is the fantasy guy in your head with the real life guys image. Am I close? Thats how I felt once. I does feel awful because in your head he was yours and then bam, he's suddenly not. You can get over this, just remind yourself that you dont really know him. It took me a while to get my head around how far my mind had let me go to be honest. It have taught me though, to not get carried away, and try to get to know people. The guy I liked this way, I now speak to and get on with, but I dont feel that way about him now. Link to comment
GetOverItPlz Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 Mod says please be respectful while posting, but in a lot of ways, I agree with Shnoodle (she may have been a bit harsh, however). The fantasy construct was all you had about this person. He smiled at you and waved- I smile at a lot of women at the gym too. You see a good looking girl that takes care of herself, of course you're gonna be attracted and maybe show that in a little way. The point is, you can't base your world on a smile and a wave. You definitely could have gone up to him and at least said "hi" to feel him out and to bring a little bit of reality back into this fantasy... I'm not gonna go so far as to say it's wrong how you're feeling- no one can say that. But a tad bit of emotional maturity appears to be lacking. I can understand feeling a little shattered by it, especially if you were very attracted to him physically- but to say your world is over because a man that never spoke a word to you has a girlfriend? That's a tad bit extreme. Whatever the case is, good luck and I hope you find someone that can smile and wave at you from a little bit closer distance... Link to comment
Shudder Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 i agree with the others and without being too harsh, you should find out more about someone before its too late. who cares about gender roles, you want something go for it Link to comment
bulletproof Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 Are you in any kind of therapy? I ask because I think your reaction is somewhat disproportionate to the situation. If you are truly thinking you want to die, that's pretty serious. I think perhaps it would be a good idea to talk to someone, or at the very least to start researching situations you can put yourself in that will allow you to build real relationships with men as opposed to fantasy ones. Link to comment
Philos Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 I understand. Theres good news, and unfortunately bad news too. The good news You'll get through this and move on, and next time you'll meet someone and date and have it happen and get through it and move on, then next time you'll meet someone and date and be in a relationship and have something happen and get through and move on.... and it keeps going. The more your experience, i.e. having a real relationship, the less things like this will affect you. The bad news going to have a really tough life. Back when I was younger (16-17) I used to feel the same way about crushes I had. I've gone along the same path I mentioned above. Losing a real relationship is going to be the toughest thing you'll ever do in your life and will take unspeakable emotional pain and time to get through. We're just naturally more gentle souls, and life is a real brutish and hard reality until you find your niche (and even then...). I'm sure eventually I'll be zenmaster and most things won't affect me too terribly, as you will be too, but it is not an easy place to reach. Link to comment
Coverage Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 I know some of these replies seem a bit harsh, but they are right. You have to realize that in reality you didn't know this guy. You knew he was physically attractive, that he had a nice smile , and that he paid attention to you from afar but the two of you had no real emotional connection. You really liked this guy, but what personality did he have? What was his favorite food? What was his home life like, or what movies did he like to watch? You can't answer any of these questions about him, yet your reacting almost as if you've caught the love of your life cheating on you. Its not worth torturing yourself over what didn't exist, and possibly would have never existed.. Sure, in your mind he really liked you, he was about to come up any day and ask you out and you two would have ended up as a happy couple, but that's not what the situation really is. At the end of the day he is still a complete stranger that looks at you sometimes from the other end of the gym. You either have to let it go, change gyms, or just walk up to him and see if anything can happen between the two of you. It's not an easy situation, and there are no easy solutions, but its just the way it is. Link to comment
browney2 Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 I agree that some of these posts are harsh. I'm not saying i disagree with the content but when you see someone on the edge of the cliff don't push them over. Obviously there is a bigger problem here because your reaction is extreme. This is NOT the worst day of your life. Link to comment
lila... Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 Wow...you sound a lot like me when I was younger (and even to some extent right now). I'm a very sensitive, romantic person too and would always build up these fantasy relationships with guys that I would crush on, and when something happened that would break that fantasy, my heart would shatter in a million pieces and I'd be feeling like it was the end of the world. But you will get over it, trust me. Like someone mentioned already, for all you know, the girl could've been his sister, or a friend, who knows? To put your mind at ease, please try to make an effort to approach him next time you see him. You've been sending signals back and forth for a while now, so going up to say "hi" to him is nothing. Casually ask him to coffee. You will get your real answer right away. But don't cry over something that isn't even real. You're assuming way too much. Talk to him. Link to comment
user1988 Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 The replies aren't that harsh, it's hard to understand because you've never really even spoken to this crush... there was nothing built to lose, the lost that you're feeling now is a mere figment of your imagination. Take a step back, breath and think... is it really THAT bad? Link to comment
-John- Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 This is a classic case of putting someone on a pedestal. And on top of that, you're assuming the girl he was talking to was his girlfriend. Were they kissing, or some other form of PDA that would show they are a couple? If not, then for all you know they're brother and sister; or just friends. If you're unsure, then I have a proposal: the next time you see him at the gym, for God's sake, finally introduce yourself to him; and once you've spoken for a couple of minutes, straight-up ask him: "Are you single?" If he says yes, then ask him out. I swear, if you do that, it will at the very least give me hope that women actually do that sort of thing, instead of always waiting around for us guys to do everything. Link to comment
JadeArdor Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 So talk to him next time. Relationships begin and end all the time, but in either case, you'll at least have the opportunity to find out what it is you're missing/not missing. A little secret: A lot of men find women with confidence in themselves (but not conceit) to be very attractive. So stop looking down on yourself and making excuses as to how you're doomed to be alone and unhappy, because that's far from the truth. You strike me as a very sensitive and heartfelt young woman, and any guy would count himself fortunate to know and meet someone with those qualities. But just as there's more to who you are, you must be willing to actually meet the world and find out what else it has to offer. There's a lot of things that make up a person beyond chemistry, and physical attractiveness- but you'll only find out what it is, if you take that first step. In addition to that, you've got to give people a chance to learn about who you are, and that's only gonna happen by (you guessed it) talking to them. Good luck, and cheer up. This is not the end of the world for you. You'll be ok. Link to comment
MakeItCount Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 Lol, just go talk to the guy already. You won't drop dead if he says no. I have to agree with all the other "harsh" replies to this thread. Link to comment
Jaydedgirl Posted March 6, 2011 Author Share Posted March 6, 2011 Lol, just go talk to the guy already. You won't drop dead if he says no. I have to agree with all the other "harsh" replies to this thread. Just going to ignore him, I realised how stupid I was to think that some guy would sweep me off my feet....I will not smile or look at him. Link to comment
bulletproof Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 Just going to ignore him, I realised how stupid I was to think that some guy would sweep me off my feet....I will not smile or look at him. Now it seems like you're sulking a little bit. Just continue to be friendly. What's wrong with that? Being nice to people shouldn't be contingent on whether they like you romantically. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. It also sounds like you have some self-esteem issues. Try not to call yourself stupid. Link to comment
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