Help me please - kinda long

[sirhcorg]

I have been together with my girlfriend for 3 and a half months. We have a great relationship. We agree on almost everything. We never disagree and always get along except for what I'm about to say.

 

She tells me she wants to do something and see me but sometimes she says that she can't do anything when it comes time to do something. When she tells me that she can't, it's always too late. It leaves me out to dry due to it being too late to make any plans with my friends without being up too late; I have to wake up for work at 5:30am. I don't fault her but I just can't help feeling sad when this happens. It bugs me a lot whenever she says she can't do anything or tells me that she'll call me but doesn't. Also, when I tell her I love her and she tells me that she loves me but I always have to be the first one to say it or else it is never said. She is the only thing that makes me happy in my life right now so when I feel sad from her, basically my whole life is sad; nothing makes me happy except talking to her when I feel sad.

 

Every time we make plans now, I always think they won't happen because it has happened in the past. She says she's sorry and I know she is but I can't help but feel mad/sad.

 

Last night, she wanted to see me and do something with me before she leaves for a week. She said she'll call me about it but when she called me, it was late. I knew it wasn't going to happen based on what time she called me since she usually has to be home early. She had to go to a friends house because her parents were leaving for a trip while she was going to camp. I know that it's not her fault but I felt bad. I felt pissed that she waited to call me and tell me later then I wanted her and that also she couldn't do anything. When she called me and said she couldn't do anything, I was pissed and didn't feel like talking to her so I kind of blew her off. She told me she wanted to call me the next night and that she wanted to call me during camp but I left a message after we talked telling her not to because I need time to think and needed to hang out with my friends since I have basically alienated them from my life since I started dating her. She tells me to hang out with my friends instead of seeing her but I would much rather see her.

 

I don't know how I can get over this feeling sad or whatnot every time she can't do anything or doesn't call. It makes me think that she doesn't care but I know she does. This is tearing me apart inside.

 

Please help me or at least give advice on how to make myself stop feeling bad whenever something like this happens or another alternative.

 

Thank you and sorry for being long.

[sirhcorg]

Also, this is her first serious relationship as well as mine but i've dated more then she had

[lonelyguy]

hey there sirhcorg,

hmm im not really sure what to say. have u tried talking to her about the constant last-minute cancelling and late planning? mayb shes not on task with things or mayb somethin has come up or mayb like you said since its her first real relationship mayb she doesn't really know how to deal with things. i think it would be best if you discuss it with her. discussing problems with your partner usually seems to help things out. hope this helps you.

[Beec]

When I call a woman, and she does not call me back, then she will wait for a while before I call again. When I have plans and she cancels, then she is going to have to try to make the next set of plans or at least call and express a desire to make plans. In other words, each time I don't get a response in kind to what I offer, then I withdraw. It keeps the balance of power. I may initiate the chase, but I won't keep chasing if she is running away.

[wikcrs]

When I call a woman, and she does not call me back, then she will wait for a while before I call again. When I have plans and she cancels, then she is going to have to try to make the next set of plans or at least call and express a desire to make plans. In other words, each time I don't get a response in kind to what I offer, then I withdraw. It keeps the balance of power. I may initiate the chase, but I won't keep chasing if she is running away.

 

For my own case, I hate those "games". It hurts to be the one to "allways" make the first move. And it would hurt more, for it to end like that, even though it would be inevitable...

[Beec]

 

For my own case, I hate those "games". It hurts to be the one to "allways" make the first move. And it would hurt more, for it to end like that, even though it would be inevitable...

 

I can understand that, but we are not like big friendly dogs. When one of my dogs wanted attention, it can over to me wagging its tail, acting happy to see me, and stuck its nose under my hand, and flat out asked for attention.

 

People are not that simple. So, you may not like the games, but sometimes you need to play them.

[ECD]

Ok. This is a tough one. How about you just forget about the girl for a while, and spend some time with your friends when they call you? Take care of your self. Forget about the girl: when she makes plans on a day you are busy, say you are busy and to hold it off for later. According to my book, she is disrespecting you. Sit down with her and talk about it. Ask her why she is not being able to keep her promises. See how she reacts. Also, if she is only happy to go out on days SHE feels comfortable and does not ask for your opinion, I would suggest breaking up and moving on.

 

As for your life being miserable: Do not rely on girls to make it better, because you will more then likely be very disappointed with the result. Tkae care of yourself. Do things to change.

 

Best of luck to you.