Think I found my way to get over the pain of being rejected and replaced....

[Destiny2112]

What is helping me lately to move on and let go of the pain of being dumped and replaced by someone else is, that I pretend my ex doesn't exist anymore, I just try to forget about his existence...

 

Due to NC and the fact that he lives thousands of kilometers away from me, this is actually not that hard anymore, since he truly isn't part of my life anymore in any form (apart from the memories of our past - but I try hard to immediately think of something else, when I start thinking of him again... I just want to forget him for now... and it finally starts to work, at least most of the times and this just feels so good;-)

 

It kind of feels like rejecting the rejector and it somehow feels like I'm given back a bit of "power" again, in a situation, where I felt absolutely helpless as the dumpee, since I was given no choice at all, when my ex's decided to walk out the door....

 

The first months, all I wanted was for him to come back to me, but now I finally start to see that I wouldn't even want him back anymore (and he won't return anyways, so it's just a hypothetical question)...

 

No matter how good the relationship was in my eyes, he ended it and especially the way he ended things is not excusable, since it was very cruel and selfish, how he acted... and I'm kind of starting to lose respect for him, for a person, who showed absolutely no respect towards me, when he broke up...

 

 

What are your experiences, opinions on this??

[TidalWave]

I'm glad to hear you're doing better and working on improving your situation towards better tomorrows

 

My experience is: Self-centrism is a bliss.

[monkeynuts]

after reading your post I was like yeah.

 

gone through a very messy break up over the last few weeks and finally im going to stick to NC. how you say you have lost respect for the way you were treated has banged the nail on the head for how Im starting to feel.

 

at the end of the day being the dumpee, yeah we have no control and it sucks and I too want my ex to come back to me. yet how you feel about not actually wanting him if he did is something Im working towards.

my ex treated me like crap...and I dont think I can ever forgive her for doing it.

 

and when you say he showed no respect for you, its mirror image wiht my ex gf. and at the end of the day we can walk away with our heads held high as we werent nasty, we didnt just turn our backs. we have done nothing wrong yet we blaime ourselves.

its not easy and I still have feelings for her, though reading your post has given me hope that one day I will think the same.... its their loss and to not look back.

 

nice to read that your moving on.

[Destiny2112]

You will get there, too, monkeynuts, trust me!! Your break up is very very fresh, so just be patient with yourself and give yourself some time!!!

 

The first 3 months, I was feeling soooo miserable, I wanted him back desperately and I was like, if he came back to me, I would forgive him, would forgive everything he had done, I love him soooo much, all I want is having him back, no matter what... but I finally changed my mind about wanting him back, I mean, would a person who loves me, treat me like that? Don't I deserve MUCH better??... I mean, my ex was the person I loved with all my heart, we were together for 3,5 years and he didn't even have the decency to break up with me from face to face?!... he literally just disappeared, giving me no real explanation, nothing... he didn't even want to tell me that he left me for someone else, until I "pushed" the truth out of him... when I sent him an email 2 months after the break up, asking him for some answers to my questions (since I blamed myself so much, I thought, I must have done something wrong and I just wanted to know what it was), he didn't really answer any of my questions, instead he just told me, how happy he was with his new gf and that she has a problem with him being nice to me...( I wonder what she foudn so "nice" about the way he treated me???) he wished me good luck for my exams (this year November) and wished me all the best for the future... That was it, the end of a 3,5 years relationship!! I couldn't believe it!! I felt like a bag of garbage, tossed away when he found someone "better" than me...ah and not to forget, only 1 week after the break up, he uploaded pics on facebook of him and his new girlfriend having fun on the beach, in a club...

 

I feel, I finally have gained back my self- respect and no one, especially someone you once loved, deserves to be treated like this... but, well, what shall I expect, it was the easiest way out for him, plain selfish and cowardly!!

 

It is our ex's loss! And I hope, one day they will realize, they made a mistake by treating another person, a person who was once important to them, like that!!

 

And you are absolutely right, there is no need to blame ourselves ( although we do, I have been there, too), we didn't do anything wrong, we weren't nasty or anything our only fault was loving them and trusting them... at least there is one "good" thing about being the dumpee, we never have to second guess our decision, since we had no choice, we never ever have to wonder, if we made the right choice by leaving...

 

Stay strong! You will get there, too! It actually took me 6 months to get to the point where I am now...

 

All the best for you!!