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About monkeynuts

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  1. Lambert. I couldn’t agree more. I guess like others - people us use these threads in the hope someone has gone through similar or gain a wider perspective. It’s clear the difference of opinions and also the ‘jackassE$’ on here. We met up last night. We spoke a lot. We’re going to continue to talk and communicate going forward. Theres No expectations. No pressure. we both want to move forward And have things we both need to work through - and it seems we both want to work through. By no means is this an easy road but it never is. Hell sometimes life can throw up unexpected problems b
  2. As it was mentioned yesterday wouldn’t of been a good day to meet due to being exhausted....how right you were. By 21:30 last night I was shattered so in many ways I’m relieved she postponed meeting. It seems to be a point about whether I was right to ask who the guy was, and whether I had a right. This comes down to dynamics of a relationship. Just because it doesn’t seem just to some of you doesn’t mean in anyway I’m wrong for asking. They always say don’t ask questions you don’t want to know the answers. My question is a very simple non-invasive question back then...asking who a guy is
  3. not forced - she told me they had history after a few days had passed. So my issue again is why lie? Whats the need to lie. Its the very basic that ok situations can seem daunting, fear of a reaction can play a part - but ultimately being honest shows what type of character a person is and whether they can be trusted. In the beginning before we even started a relationship - the stage when people talk about their 'boundaries' I said I look for honesty and integrity. That My feelings are exs are just that. Its not my expectation but quite frankly I find once you had crossed that boundary w
  4. Well she cancelled on tonight due to not feeling very well. she suggested we meet tomorrow or friday.... a little disappointed but it is what it is. Gives me a little longer to gather my thoughts I understand what people have mentioned about boundaries. I guess I haven't looked at it from this perspective before. I do remember in the early stages we spoke about what makes a good relationship i.e. good open communication and honesty. I also stressed about honesty to her as once trust is gone is so difficult to build it back. anyhow a little off subject there. I can't really add much as
  5. I think reflecting since this happened IÂ’ve taken a hard look at myself. IÂ’ve sat with my feelings and instead of ignoring them IÂ’ve tried to understand why things happened and what part I played. Ok in this short time I have realised my short comings. IÂ’m human. I make mistakes. I want to learn from them. To grow. No one is perfect. Not me. Nor her. Being able to sit back away from the current situation IÂ’ve realised our communication broke down a while ago. And if itÂ’s a matter of just opening up with one another. Actually listening and responding. Then if thatÂ’s what it takes t
  6. Not always no. And it’s one of the issues I’m going to address once I’ve been referred to a councillor. I’m not the best at talking about my feelings when things become difficult. Though I realise this and want to make an effort in changing this. No it might not be ideal that I’m feeling tired though I’ve been wanting to speak to her since this all happened. I’m not going into this to argue. Just listen. Communicate. All the things we have failed over the last month
  7. No to some extent a type of anxiety has appeared which is throwing me off. It’s the uncertainty I’m not dealing well with. The air hasn’t been cleared so to speak. Leaving things on a sour note is not great. What is a calm state of mind though? Emotions will be high. I’m feeling like most do in this situation like my boat has capsized. When I talk about confusion just in regards to what’s going on in her head ( which only she knows ) I appreciate your words. Exhausted state yes. Sadly I’m one of the ones who still need to work currently and times are manic.
  8. Wow feeling the hate here. Again you assume so much rubbish. Probing? What the fact up to that point we were comfortable sat next to eachother openly using our phones? At times she would be cuddling up next to me whilst I would message friends. And it’s asked more in ‘ ah whose that your talking to ‘ Clearly all you’re hung up on is hating on me as I’ve explained a situation that’s made me question trust. I’ve stated nothing to do with talking to an ex. It’s about being lied to. Lies are lies my friend. Regardless of what they are. Fact of this whole post was for some advice as
  9. Perhaps I explained it wrong. It wasn’t the fact she ‘spoke’ to someone with who she had history with. It was the fact of lying to me about who they actually were. When infront of my eyes I see messages from a guy of course I’m going to ask who is it. To be told a story which turns out to be untrue surely will cause anyone to doubt things. I couldn’t care less if she was honest about it. All I ever asked was to tell me the truth about things. It goes further with me that lying. I knew from the beginning she was talking to an old ex who was a friend - so on this she was honest from the begi
  10. Well we have been together for just over a year ( me male 33 ) ( ex she is 30 ) Met through our CrossFit class. Feel for eachother. Started dating. Got on amazingly well. Things were going really well until I found out she lied about being in contact with an ex. WasnÂ’t so much the fact she was talking to this ex as she had already told me from the beginning she would talk and work for a different long term ex. My issue was being lied too. Anyhow cut a long story short. IÂ’ve struggled with trust ever since. When it happened she said it was a mistake etc and to try again. Fast forward
  11. Right it’s clear you’ve had an issue with me from a post a while ago. I don’t find your post helpful in the slightest. I wouldn’t be posting on here if I didn’t care about her. And who wouldn’t want to fix it? When they see someone they love go through an emotional state. Like people have said people with anxiety do not just ‘get better’ They need to seek help. Clearly you have an issue with me. So I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t respond any more to my post. Like you said people have been helpful and given advice. You have not. Maybe get out your bubble and realise I may not
  12. She I wonder if I explained it right, When I say she blames me. Like the situation I described. We had plans. For some reason she starts to worry/panic as she is scared of things going ‘bad’ again ( basically the part of our relationship over a year ago we didn’t get on ) We have met a few times since then and got on fine. No issues. Both had fun. She started opening up. Telling me things partners do. Then she got weird on Saturday. Perhaps I reacted with frustration as I didn’t understand why she was worried. I was confused being told she misses me. Wants to see me. Still deeply in l
  13. So how best do you support them? I’m not here looking for lectures I just wondered how people who suffers from anxiety and panic attacks calm down? What can others do to help? Back off? Reassurance doesn’t seem to work. I know I can’t help her if she doesn’t want to get help. And it’s something she needs to realise on her own. But I do care about her and want to support her. I don’t want to add fuel to the fire so to speak.
  14. No I haven’t reconciled with my ex. We just met up a few times and started talking. Sadly she isn’t doing anything to seek help. She says that it’s me or how I react that brings on her anxiety. For instance. We had plans to meet. Last minute she says she can’t. She is nervous and scared. I try to talk to her to understand what has happened or gone on. Just seems to make it worse. Hell I should just back off. Not care. But it’s hard. I’m human. When we have been communicating and getting on. Talking about what went wrong in our relationship and why. What was lacking etc then feelings
  15. How on earth do you deal with it? Rational thinking goes out the window. You try to understand but let’s face it you can’t. I get blamed for stuff. Made out to be the bad guy. It’s all my fault. Have tried to understand. Support. Say I will be there and we can get through this. But fault is always found.
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