Still an issue, even after all these years!

[lvrnftr11]

I will try to keep this as simple as possible. My question will follow after some back ground. After being married for 16 years my now ex decided to cut her hair very short, actually so short there wasn't much she could do with it for styling. She did not say a word to me ahead of time, or even hint to me that she was considering it.

Was I wrong in being upset? She had beautiful red hair. I complimented her often. I never disliked what she did to change her look over the years. Two things that were at the top of the list of things I adored my wife for were, she was the most caring compassionate person I had ever known. I think that this was one of the signs early on, that things were changing. It was never a huge fight, but I did not compliment her on her hair after that. For the remainder of our marriage (11 yrs.) she never grew it back out. And no, it did not start to thin out at all! She still at 51 has thick hair. I am trying to change my attitude if it needs to be changed. Saying that! I still feel that she had the right to change her hair style. I just feel that she owed me at least the courtesy to say something before she did it. Obviously this is just a small thing to most. It was only part of issues that we had in our marriage. It's been 5 1/2 years since marriage ended. This is the only issue that still irritates me even today. I would share how we were both controlling in our own ways, but it would take to much time.

Please share your thoughts!

[thejigsup]

It was her hair, you have NO say in it! I cut my hair all the time (and my bf and other people always tell me that I have beautiful hair) and have never asked my bf what he thinks about it. It's not his hair, it's mine. He doesn't care, either. He's a great guy.

[hexaemeron]

Why on earth would she need to run it by you that she was going to cut her hair? That's the most ridiculous and insulting thing I've heard in awhile. She was your wife. You didn't own her. She's not a possession. She could buzz it off, or throw it into a pink mohawk and that's her choice.

 

I really want to understand why you feel slightly because she didn't report to you beforehand.

[lvrnftr11]

hexaemeron I think the Chris McCandless quote is good! BUT it does not take into consideration people who are married and then have children. It's a great quote for a single male. When you have children everything changes! Your life is not just your own any more. I believe our marriage should have ended after about 16 years looking back now. I would enjoy hearing your thoughts!

[Mrs Popsicle]

hexaemeron I think the Chris McCandless quote is good! BUT it does not take into consideration people who are married and then have children. It's a great quote for a single male. When you have children everything changes! Your life is not just your own any more. I believe our marriage should have ended after about 16 years looking back now. I would enjoy hearing your thoughts!

 

I agree with you here, in fact I would say that for a child, security is a must, no matter what the marital situation (though I do think that when you are coming from a secure foundation, adventure is always possible!)

 

Mrs Popsicle