Not handling this well :'( Please help me!

[Valthudnir]

few weeks ago I randomly met a girl online. Her and I hit it off so quickly it was amazing. I realize now we rushed things way too fast but, what's done is done and it's too late now. Within a few hours of talking online she wanted to come see me and I had spoken to her mom for a bit as well who said "ok you seem like a good guy, my daughter will come see you now" She is very close to her family and lives with her 3 kids all same father, and her parents. She comes over and I open the door and something I can't explain I was just so happy to see her even though previously I had been meeting a lot of girls but it always ended up just being about sex and I'd never see them again. I am on disability and I'm always judged for it. Her and I ended up having sex within a few hours after talking after which she asked me if she could keep me. I was so excited and it felt right and I said yes. I went back to her place to meet her parents and later her kids when they'd come home. for 7 days or so it's like I had moved in. She wanted me to stay with her, which I loved. We shopped together, dropped the kids off at school, showered together, cuddled every night in bed together. Then one day she got her period which was just like 3 days ago now and she said "I've been thinking and it's hit me hard and you and I have rushed into this whole thing way too fast" I agreed but started getting nervous as she was now less affectionate with me a bit and we were no longer having sex. She said that she needed some alone time because since we met we were together 24/7 like a married couple type thing. So she wanted to take me home and I have to admit it hurt me and I was sad. I felt rejected and like I did something wrong. She said to me I am a bit needy which I know I can be sometimes, I'm not perfect. She drops me off at home and tells me "Phil, hunny...don't worry you're so amazing with my kids, parents, brothers and myself. I need a night alone, it's nothing against you. Go to bed I'll pick you up tomorrow" I have never felt so close to someone in my entire life. This is not normal for me. I've been in 1 year 2 year relationships and I don't remember ever being so lost without someone. I went in my place and laid in bed in tears. I was starting to miss her a great deal. Being with her was so amazing it was beyond what words in a dictionary can describe. But a few hours later someone buzzes me, I go to the intercom and it's her!! I run downstairs and she's at the door all smiling. I open the door she's in tears and jumps me and tells me "I missed you too much I need to be with you and my mom also said don't leave him alone he's a good man and he needs you" I felt like on top of the world. She had come back for me and showed me someone can appreciate me. Later that night she wanted to take me back again after I thought she wanted me to spend the night. Once again I put up a bit of a fuss, I'll admit, nothing crazy though just like a "aww but hunny I was hoping I could hold you in my arms again tonight when we sleep" She said "Phil, darling...you're being a bit needy again and it's cute but you need to be strong. We just met last week and as I told you already we need to slow down." I said I was sorry and she brought me home. This time I went upstairs to the computer, she came on facebook as well and she typed to me "Don't panic but I changed my relationship status with you to single. You and I are not bf/gf anymore, we are "seeing" eachother." My heart sank and I said "is there someone else?" she said "no silly, I told you we need to slow down" I said "ok I understand". She picked me up the next day and things were good, I was being a lil less needy and not holding her hand or hugging her every few minutes even though she use to do the same the first week we were together till her period came. She said "Phil you're doing good and you're not being too clingy, it's making me want to jump you and hug you and kiss you now" So I had slowed down and relaxed from being a bit clingy and we went to watch a movie on the couch with her mom. A half hour into the movie I tell her I need to take a nap or go to sleep as I'm on disability for a sleeping disorder and I can get tired pretty early. She said "no problem go up and i'll come up after." By this point we had not really cuddled much in a few days so when she came upstairs I put my arm around her and kissed her. She said "Phil I'm tired I wanna sleep." I was like "But I thought you said you wanted to talk to me once we were alone since your kids are gone to their other grandmothers for a few days and that you wanted to cuddle? it's what you said you wanted to do."

She said "Look when I have my period, my hormones/feelings go a bit out of wack and I don't like being touched much, or anything at all, I was hoping you'd just put your arm around me and go to bed, not being like this again. Now I think I should take you home again so we can have some space." I was like "you always seem to change your mind about me staying over" as we go downstairs her mom was sleeping on the couch and she asked her to come along for the drive as she wasn't sure if she was awake enough to drive, I kinda panic and said "Tasha? you know I have anxiety about being in cars as a passenger since my accident and now you're not sure if you're awake enough to drive me? I know you're irritated with me, maybe I'll just walk home screw it." I said it with a bit of an upset tone but nothing crazy. I walked out towards the bus at 2am and realized I have no money and the buses aren't running. I walked back to her house knocked on the door, she opens it and looks at me and says "Phil, you just stormed out...let me take you home ok?" I said "fine, whatever" We all get in the car along with her mother...I know she's always around she's a great woman and she's very sick and my now ex gf would always cry because she's sick and was so worried if her mom ever died that she'd wanna kill herself, she's got depression and she's bulimic as well. We get to my place for what would be the last time I'd see her, but I didn't know this at the time :sad: she kissed me smiling and said "Look you need to relax and go to bed, call me at 10am baby and I'll come get you, you have no reason to worry now as I've dropped you off and been back even sooner then I said I'd be, so you know you mean the world to me" I said "ok, I'll miss you like crazy" I go to bed, wake up at 10am and I call her from my computer as I have no phone and she can't call me. No answer...no big deal. I tried once more an hour later at 11am still nothing. She comes on facebook at noon and says she had slept in. I told her "no problem hunny I figured you were really tired, I am happy you're here now and I'm excited to see you again" She says to me "Phil...do you realize how upset I am with you? Do you have any clue how angry you were last night after you agreeing with me at first we need a break, then you went red in the face and stormed out. When I woke my mom up from the couch and you were all like you'll go on your own, you upset me SO much!!!! you have no clue!!!!" I typed back and said "sorry I didn't mean to upset you so much, it's not like I yelled or did anything wrong, I just walked out a few minutes and came back" she replies "my brother came over this morning, you know the one you met who is like a father to me as well for when I was younger and my step dad was abusing me sexually and was there for me when my ex was gone and my kids were hurt" I said "yes I remember him." she said "well he doesn't want me to continue dating you, nor does he want you around my kids....we can still talk though." I was in panic and started crying and I typed back "Please don't let it end like this, I was so good to your kids and I never mistreated you once, I never yelled at you, I never hit you, nothing." she said "you didn't have to do anything like that, actions speak louder then words when your face went beat red and you walked out, my brother thinks you're emotionally unstable" I asked her "please tell me you still feel the same about me?" she avoided my question and said "I have to go" I sat there in total shock, my whole world came down on me and an unbelievable amount of sadness came upon me. All over a girl I was with barely 10 days. In my whole life I am tell you this, I have never once felt so close to someone. We had the most amazing times together, her kids loved me and the day prior to her walking out of my life her 6 year old boy hugged me and said "Phil, I like you, you make my mommy so happy and you're a good friend" it was really touching. I had asked her a last thing "So I guess you're not coming to get me after all huh? since you said last night you wanted to see me today. If you were so angry why were you smiling and kissing me telling me to call you and that you'd come if you were so mad you already knew you'd never see me again?" she said "You were making a fuss about me taking you home, God knows how much more you would of had I told you last night I never wanted to see you again" I said again "please tell me you feel the same about me still" she avoided it again and said "I have to go, we'll talk later" I said nothing. it was 2pm by this time roughly. I sat in my chair, alone and scared and cried like I never have in so long. I did not call, nor message her all day. 10pm or so came along, by this point I had cried myself out and was exhausted, some mild suicidal thoughts came to me. I called a suicide hotline then I went to bed. I woke up in panic after having a bad dream that I went to her facebook page and that her status was back in a relationship with another guy. I woke up in a cold sweat and ran to the computer only to get my next shocker...she had deleted me from facebook. It was 2am so sometime after I went to bed around 10pm she decided that although I had not pestered her or called or nothing that I guess she did not want to still talk to me after all. My heart sank even more and I started freaking out inside. Today is day 2 since I've had that last chat with her on facebook. I am so torn, I can't stop crying. She told me no matter what would happen to us, she'd never abandon me and she'd always be here for me as a friend since I have none. She went from telling me she was falling in love with me and wanted to be with me forever to tossing me in the trash at the blink of an eye. Do I message her one last time and say "I'm sorry...I never meant to hurt you / upset you that night when I walked out" or do I keep my cool and keep ignoring her forever? if I never message her again she might think I don't care and move on with her life. Yet if I message her she might get angry and block me from facebook which she has not done yet, she only deleted me. Some say she might come around that she just needs time but her brother would also have to change his mind, he is set to think I'm not stable emotionally as I didn't get to tell him my side of the story. I think I'm doomed. Please, what do I do? or say to her if anything :sad:

[shuttlefish]

Walk away from this and move on. This girl is trouble and she's someone else's problem now.

Don't contact her, just let it go. When you look back on this in the future you will know two things

1.) You learned a lesson

2.) You dodged a bullet

 

You need to work on your insecurities some.

[superfox]

Jeez, all this in little over a week? Thought mine was a whirlwind

Meeting her kids, 'love', basically moving in and having FB relationship changes - waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too quick.

Drop her, block her on FB. Be strong. Don't ever rush in like that again, even if the girl is doing the same.

[Valthudnir]

I have learned a lot from this. I am just as confused as you guys as to how I got so attached and felt so close so quickly to her. I had met girls just a few weeks before her and was casually dating for about a week and yet after it was done it didn't phase me, this one hit me hard like never before. Forgetting her forever is going to be so hard

[superfox]

I have learned a lot from this. I am just as confused as you guys as to how I got so attached and felt so close so quickly to her. I had met girls just a few weeks before her and was casually dating for about a week and yet after it was done it didn't phase me, this one hit me hard like never before. Forgetting her forever is going to be so hard

 

It's not. Promise you. I went out with a guy like that 100mph full on, we went out for about 6 weeks, had a stupid argument over nothing and he cut me off totally

Literally the only time we weren't in phone/text/email or face to face contact was when we were sleeping, madness looking back. I was devastated but honestly, I got over him VERY quickly! To the point I can look at his FB and think, * * * was I thinking!!!?! It hurts like craxy now but it won't forever.

[SapphireNoir10]

You will be ok. It sounds like your better off out of this one in the long run.

[Valthudnir]

I got over him VERY quickly!

That's what I was hoping she won't do. I know I sound like I'm crazy but I am not normally like this with any girl. I don't want her to forget about me and get over me, she's got a lot of issues and I just dunno how to handle this. Not having friends / family or her to talk too to help me cope is making it hard

[FrenchFries]

Most definitely do not message her. If you are ever to speak again, let her make contact with you...but don't count on it happening. She sounds a little strange. I do hope you're feeling better soon.

[Valthudnir]

Most definitely do not message her. If you are ever to speak again, let her make contact with you...but don't count on it happening. She sounds a little strange. I do hope you're feeling better soon.

 

I wasn't perfect either, I'm being honest with you guys that yes I was clingy and needy. it's only because I was so excited to be with her everything i did I wanted her to be there by my side and she felt the same originally. At the end of it all I realize I screwed up and the damage I caused is likely irreversable

[MissSMcc]

so she went from falling in love and wanting to spend her life with you to not wanting to see you again, all because of one small argument? and since when does a grown woman let her brother dictate her social life? i know he has been there for her but if she truly loved you she would stay with you no matter what her brother says, and do you really see a stable loving future with someone so fickle? you're well out of this one pal.

[Valthudnir]

so she went from falling in love and wanting to spend her life with you to not wanting to see you again, all because of one small argument? and since when does a grown woman let her brother dictate her social life? i know he has been there for her but if she truly loved you she would stay with you no matter what her brother says, and do you really see a stable loving future with someone so fickle? you're well out of this one pal.

 

I know, I just wish I didn't care and that this didn't affect me the way it is. I don't understand it either.

[Tanzi]

I'm sorry to have to say this but she sounds like she is a few sandwiches short of a picnic, a real fruitloop if I'm to be honest! She asked to keep you?!? Who does that?

 

This relationship was all on her terms, you do see that don't you? She picked you up when she felt like it and then took you back home when she was done with you or just because she felt like it! When she was in the right mood she was as cuddly and affectionate as you were yet when she wasn't in the mood she told you that you were being too needy! She took you home once saying that you were moving way too fast only to turn up on your doorstep sometime later saying she was missing you and took you back to hers again!!

 

Very, very odd behaviour indeed. She is the unstable one here, not you. She is blowing hot and cold to the extreme. And all this in a week. Wow, its hard to take it all in.

 

I agree with shuttlefish .... you have dodged a real prize bullet here!.. I know hearing that doesn't help how you are feeling right not but hopefully in time you will realise this.

[Valthudnir]

Thanks, it's making me think a lot with what you said. Maybe I'm blind but I'd like to think she has a good heart and that she meant well. Not to get too religious here on anyone who hates God / Jesus talk but. I am a believer and I don't understand why he'd allow me to get so close to someone if it was just gonna end up being nothing. I know I'm looking into this too much, it's killing me because I want to call/msg her on facebook but I haven't so far. I've refrained from doing so. I am giving her space she wanted. I just hope she never forgets how much I truly cared about her and how much I am sorry for being clingy/needy and that I never meant to make her so upset and scare her with when my face went red and I walked out for a few minutes.

[superfox]

I'm not a believer but if you want to go down that route maybe it happened for you to learn from it.

[MissSMcc]

I know, I just wish I didn't care and that this didn't affect me the way it is. I don't understand it either.

 

well, you fell for her very fast so maybe the healing process will be quick? that sounds logical but it may not be true.

maybe understanding why you got so swept away will help. you said a lot of women have been put off by your disability, yet she was very accepting, and she was very loving. you don't have many people to talk to. could it be that you weren't in love with her as such, but more in love with the dream situation you found yourself in? i don't believe you can truly love someone that fast. you may feel an immense bond, and a strong infatuation, but only true love stands the test of time. this relationship clearly did not. you can't even really know someone in that amount of time, you can know what they say, but not what they do. how they handle themselves in stressful situations, how they work towards their goals, how they function in different circumstances. so this girl may have given you a taste of what you want, a loving affectionate woman with an accepting family, but she was not right.

[Valthudnir]

this girl may have given you a taste of what you want, a loving affectionate woman with an accepting family, but she was not right.

That may of been it. I have been in a few relationships though that lasted 1 , 2 years. My last relationship aside from this one ended last summer after 1 year. She was accepting of me and not being able to work. When she left me, I was sad yes, but not nearly as much as this most recent one.

[Valthudnir]

I'm not a believer but if you want to go down that route maybe it happened for you to learn from it.

 

I sure have, I paid a big price for it as well.

[superfox]

I sure have, I paid a big price for it as well.

 

Everything is a learning experience, pain in the @rse but we all have to do it and we've all been there. Every member here has felt exactly the way you do right now - if not, then they will one day sadly.

[Tanzi]

Thanks, it's making me think a lot with what you said. Maybe I'm blind but I'd like to think she has a good heart and that she meant well. Not to get too religious here on anyone who hates God / Jesus talk but. I am a believer and I don't understand why he'd allow me to get so close to someone if it was just gonna end up being nothing.

 

To be honest I think that was just an excuse. After all if she knew you suffered from anxiety after a car accident her comment wasn't exactly very thoughtful was it and to be honest why shouldn't you be annoyed when dragged of bed to be taken home! Her actions just don't seem to make any sense to me and I doubt she will change. This is her. This is how it will always be.

 

I know I'm looking into this too much, it's killing me because I want to call/msg her on facebook but I haven't so far. I've refrained from doing so. I am giving her space she wanted. I just hope she never forgets how much I truly cared about her and how much I am sorry for being clingy/needy and that I never meant to make her so upset and scare her with when my face went red and I walked out for a few minutes.

 

I don't think you are the only one to think like this. I am not a religious person but I would often wonder what I had done so wrong that I had to be put through the pain of my ex-husband walking out on me. Now I have the most amazing boyfriend ever and I often wonder what I have done so right that I am allowed to be this happy. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the only way to learn is through our own personal experiences. All that we go through in life shapes the person we are later to become.

[Valthudnir]

Everything is a learning experience, pain in the @rse but we all have to do it and we've all been there. Every member here has felt exactly the way you do right now - if not, then they will one day sadly.

 

that is the part I was curious about as well, does everyone seriously go through something similar to what i been through right now? falling hard for someone only to be heartbroken and left for the dump

[Tanzi]

that is the part I was curious about as well, does everyone seriously go through something similar to what i been through right now? falling hard for someone only to be heartbroken and left for the dump

 

You are by no means the only one, I can assure you of that!

[superfox]

that is the part I was curious about as well, does everyone seriously go through something similar to what i been through right now? falling hard for someone only to be heartbroken and left for the dump

Totally! And then after healing you realise they weren't all that to begin with

[Valthudnir]

Totally! And then after healing you realise they weren't all that to begin with

and if later down the road I don't get over her then I guess I have some serious mental issues.

[superfox]

and if later down the road I don't get over her then I guess I have some serious mental issues.

 

You will though. Love Story is a movie, soap operas aren't real. You will get stronger and get over her. She's not the only girl out there, she was the only one last week.

[engraved2008]

I ask God the same thing.Why he makes us get close to people we cannot have.I m sure we will have an answer for it.