I feel so alone...

[Jaydedgirl]

I dont think anybody understands...really how I feel. I have never had true friendd my entire life,in school i used to hand out with 2 girls that lied to me and stole from me,i could never make friends with anyone else coz they already had their own group and i didnt want to feel like an outsider. Also i was shy and i was forced to hang out with these girls on my lunchbreak or else id look like a total loser standing by myself. Anyways im now 24 and still dont have friends. When i go to the mall,im alone shopping or eating by myself. Sometimes people look but thats ll they ever do. It saddens me at times coz I dont have that close friend who i can confide in and tell my deepest fears or secrets. I dont think ill ever find that friend coz most people already grew up together and are best friends with each other. I feel like a lonely soul. Yes i do have friends on fb,but thats all theyll ever be is friends on the computer,even when one of them says lets go for lunch,ill be like yeah lets and when do u wanns go? But they either dont respond or they make excuses. Its not like im a lesbian for wanting to have a "girl" as a friend. At home i speak but nobody listens,my mum mostly talks to my sister all the time,they talk about anything and soon as i speak my sister butts in and then they have their own conversation. I even told my mum once that whenever i speak she doesnt listen and i have nobody to talk to except for my dog.

 

I want to move away.move out of my familys home and live a life on my own..at least that way Ill be alone just like I have always been but this time it would appear more clear to me how alone i really am. I guess nobody seems to like me for some reason. The only people who speak to me are guys at the gym and they are friendly and I am friendly towards them. Even once a girl i spoke to at gym,i thought she would be my friend that i can hang out with and go shopping with but she didnt even invite me on fb and when i asked her why she says she forgot my name and even when i told her again,she never invited me..so i just left it.

 

Sometimes i feel i try to hard to make a friend and im not a loud,party type of girl...im more of a reserved ,loves reading and long walks kind of person. I just needed to let that out.

[newbeginning1]

Hey. I was similar to you when I was growing up and when I was at school I never really had any true friends. I hung around with a couple of guys but they treated me like C**p just like your friends did to you. I used to feel so alone and that loneliness has never really gone away even though I now have a good circle of friends and been in several long term relationships. It just takes time to get used to the times when youre on your own.

 

Do you not get on with anyone at work that you could spend time with socially? I met most of my friends through the places that I used to work. Have you thought about joining some groups, Im sure theres a book club or reading club near to you that you could research and go to. Walking clubs are a good option too.

 

You wont always be lonely you know, things change and theres only you that can make that change. As for your family, Id stick around them for now as they still hold a bit of stability for you, even though they may not appreciate the wonderful person that you are.

 

When you feel alone come on here and talk about it. It'll help you to get through this.

[TidalWave]

People find friends that are in one way or another same as themselves. The trouble with your personality is that people in similar category doesn't really find each other, because they tend to be alone and stay alone. You can either wait for someone to approach you and become your friend, or you can approach other yourself. Yes, you said you tried and failed, or met with disappointment. But the point is, if you want something, you go after it and you don't stop until you get it. Before your wish can come true, you will meet with a lot of failure. The persistence is the key.

 

Maybe start focusing on yourself first, what do you want in life? Define that which you desire so you have clear idea of what it is! And then go for it. You must submit to your goal. You cannot say, I want all eyes on me (attention), but I refuse to change my shy personality. You must do whatever it takes to get whatever it is you want. So first off, start with a clear definition of what you desire.

[mgirl]

Aww honey, that just breaks my heart I hope things get better for you, i really do. Do you think all those 'cool' people are really as cool as they appear and do you think all those so-called friends are actually really friends? You've got to wonder sometimes...

[sjjohnson89]

I understand how you feel, a week or two ago i set up a thread 'anyone else feel detached from society' i think on the emotions and feelings catagory, some of the replies made me feel better as it seems as though im not the only one. I recently found out about personality types, it seems as though im a INFP type, only 2% of the population make up this types so it explains why i feel different and detached from almost everybody i meet. You might want to look up these personality types as finding yours will likely make you feel better just knowing that you are not alone, it certainly made me feel better.

[Jaydedgirl]

Aww honey, that just breaks my heart I hope things get better for you, i really do. Do you think all those 'cool' people are really as cool as they appear and do you think all those so-called friends are actually really friends? You've got to wonder sometimes...

 

I know some people think theyre cool when in fact theyre not,but they all have friends to hang out with and go to when they have a problem..but not me,ill be a loner doing everything alone..

[Jaydedgirl]

I understand how you feel, a week or two ago i set up a thread 'anyone else feel detached from society' i think on the emotions and feelings catagory, some of the replies made me feel better as it seems as though im not the only one. I recently found out about personality types, it seems as though im a INFP type, only 2% of the population make up this types so it explains why i feel different and detached from almost everybody i meet. You might want to look up these personality types as finding yours will likely make you feel better just knowing that you are not alone, it certainly made me feel better.

 

I know there are different personality types but we all need love and someone who will be there for us. Especially since im 24 and at this age i should have tons of friends but i dont. I dont know what it is with people,they seem to judge before they can even get to know you.

[Jaydedgirl]

Yes im shy even Michael Jackson was shy but yet he had people who reached out to him. Whereas living a normal life and finding friends are hard,i do try hard to make friends and i think people see that and ignore me. I feel deeply sad and alone,even the most poorest person needs a friend. I feel like only my dog understands coz he looks at me and i can see he is thinking and knows how i feel,thats why he always follows me around the house.

[Jaydedgirl]

The people i work with already have their own set of friends and i do talk to them but only at work. Theres no book club where i stay unfortunately and its hard to make a good friend here...

[mistawolf]

I know there are different personality types but we all need love and someone who will be there for us. Especially since im 24 and at this age i should have tons of friends but i dont. I dont know what it is with people,they seem to judge before they can even get to know you.

spend less time thinking about it more time working on keeping your spirits up. this may include school (college), finding a better job, or getting a new car, what ever it might be to keep your mind off this subject, the more you want something the less it comes.

 

most of my so called "friends" only come to eat with me or other things when they dont have to pay the bill, so i move to a relationship with this girl at work. she wasnt everything but shes something to cure my lonely nights.

if there is a guy you been watching at work, spend more time around him. maybe its time to quit looking for a friend, and start looking for a relationship? you are 24

[savignon]

Just because people already have friends, doesn't mean there's no room for you. Everyone we meet already has friends but we still make friendships as we get older and meet new people. I only have a few friends myself that I can really call on if I need them.

I was flipping through the channels the other day and landed on "Housewives of something-or-another" for a minute and these women have these HUGE parties with 100 people and all they do is talk about each other, who's fake, who's more fake, show each other their clothes and who bought who what.....those aren't friends. In real life, you might have one or two friends that you can really count on and who really know you. There's no rule that says you have to grow up with them or meet them by the time your x-years old. I've met some of my closest friends in my 30s.

Keep putting yourself out there by inviting a couple of people at a time to do something (like a group outing...drinks after work, a movie....or bring some snacks to work you can all share while you chat on your break). Just like a good boyfriend, good girl friends are hard to find. And some of them come and go.

I agree to focus on keeping your spirits up. If you look sad and down (which maybe you don't), people won't really gravitate towards you. Do things that make YOU happy even if it's a good workout and then grabbing some take out, watching a good movie, having a nice glass of wine. Keep yourself in a good mood so that when you're out and about, people see your positive, up-beat side.

[sjjohnson89]

I know there are different personality types but we all need love and someone who will be there for us. Especially since im 24 and at this age i should have tons of friends but i dont. I dont know what it is with people,they seem to judge before they can even get to know you.

 

I know, the thing i want the most in life is connection with a girl i can spend my life with. My point was nobody i meet understands me, not even those closest to me. This makes me feel alone like you. Im 22, ive moved around my country a fair bit and ive lost friends because of it, at this point i only have one true friend and hes on the other side of the country. At the moment i tend to just have contacts that i can laugh with etc while doing a hobby or something, i dont see these people really outside of theses hobbies and events etc. I think some of us are just going to have to accept that we are different and might not be able to socialize as easliy as others, i accept this and i live my life my way. Theres no use getting depressed and bringing your life down because of it, concentrate on what you have control over and hopefully in time you will meet others like you, thats what i hope for.

[mgirl]

Yes im shy even Michael Jackson was shy but yet he had people who reached out to him. Whereas living a normal life and finding friends are hard,i do try hard to make friends and i think people see that and ignore me. I feel deeply sad and alone,even the most poorest person needs a friend. I feel like only my dog understands coz he looks at me and i can see he is thinking and knows how i feel,thats why he always follows me around the house.

 

Jaydedgirl, it's nice that your dog follows you around I can see your point, but it might be a good time to get out and put yourself forward. I think you just want somebody to understand and i am sure there are many who would. I can only hope and pray that you find a friend, or two, or three (aim high!!) to hang out with. Just try to connect with your family more, go to more family outings, and as Savignon said, you can never have enough friends. Just start making friends with people with no expectations, connect with your work people. Begin by asking somebody to come with you to 'get a coffee' during your lunch break or whatever, then you can strike up a conversation, then just try to joke around a little. Everybody likes a funny person!

 

Why don't you start a group on link removed You could start a bookclub, or an ideas club. Seriously, give it a go. In my area, there's a shy person's group. I think you could do well, you obviously have a head on your shoulders, it just looks like you need people to bring you out of your shell

[InvisibleWound]

Jaydedgirl, I understand how you feel. During my high school days I spent the last 4 years of high school alone, the only friend I had was the libarien and that probably was because I helped her.

 

So I was I guess a loser standing/sitting by myself. I use to hide in the bathroom or libary away from it all, other days I had to sit in the hall alone. And I even skipped classes to go to the beach or home to get away from it. I was depressed often growing up. So I turned to video games, I still am a gamer today but its not an addiction or anything...

 

I also am shy so I know how hard it is to try and find friends and make new friends...

 

As for the people that look don't think about it if you can. People stare at me all the time when I am alone, but I ignore it...

 

There is nothing wrong with not being loud or into to partying, I am not. You just gotta find people you share interest with and go from there.

 

I made friends after high school at my old call centre job, I only keep in touch with a few though and every other job I made friends, but we don't acctually hang out so to speak...

 

I don't mind being alone but I have spurts where I crave company, I got a cat, my family and boyfriend... And a couple outside friends, though I rarely see them.

 

I am not sure what else to say other than its a good idea to approach people or let them approach you. it can be bad to wait around tot hough because some people never come around and speak either...

[mgirl]

Jayded and Invisible,

 

First of all, i'd like to say that you're not 'losers' because you are different or choose to be different. I'd personally hang around with both of you cos you sound interesting

 

What i was thinking Jayded, was that you have to put yourself out there in a way, like a game of dominos. Play your cards, relationships are a numbers game to a certain extent. Cast your line wide and see who bites. So, in other words, try to connect with as many people as possible, even if it's for something as menial as having a cup of coffee or a cold drink with you on your break. Don't have any expectations, but leave yourself open to anything. Perhaps try being a bit more "approachable"??! That would entail not putting any expectations on to people. Your thoughts? You know you've always got us as friends until you find some others?!

[Jaydedgirl]

spend less time thinking about it more time working on keeping your spirits up. this may include school (college), finding a better job, or getting a new car, what ever it might be to keep your mind off this subject, the more you want something the less it comes.

 

most of my so called "friends" only come to eat with me or other things when they dont have to pay the bill, so i move to a relationship with this girl at work. she wasnt everything but shes something to cure my lonely nights.

if there is a guy you been watching at work, spend more time around him. maybe its time to quit looking for a friend, and start looking for a relationship? you are 24

 

I have tried to but theres just one guy i see at gym that actually notices me but he has not made any effort to come up to me. I used to spend my time thinking of him and daydreaming about him but that just wastes time especially since he is also doing nothing about it...

[Jaydedgirl]

Thank you,i guess its true there are some of us who are different and there are some people who practically get along with everyone and make strong friendships.

[Jaydedgirl]

Hey thanks for the feedback,i appreciate it YOu see i also have had a head injury when i was about 17,it kinda changed my life,i became more withdrawn and alone. I felt like i was drowning in a tunnel with nobody to save me,the feelings i went through were numb and sad. Now that im 24 i wish i had good people to rely on like just for advice or to hang out. I will go to the site u recommended and see how it goes. I live in south africa and there arent many support groups or friendship clubs here,in fact i dont know of any. So i rely on the internet for now.

[Jaydedgirl]

Hey mgirl,thanks I do try to make myself seem approachable,i smile back at people and people see that but something makes them not approach me or want to hang out with me. I dont know what it is..