He doesn't orgasm during sex

[twinkle]

My boyfriend and I have a very very active sex life, but right at the start of our relationship, before we had sex the first time, he warned me that he doesn't climax through just sex. he just never does, and never has in his life with any partner. he says that he thinks it's maybe because he can't just 'let go', which I thought might have been fear of getting me pregnant, but he does climax in me.

 

We have long passionate sex sessions, where we both enjoy ourselves, but he has to masturbate himself until he's almost ready to come, and then finishes in me.

 

has anyone any idea why this might be?

[Katheelynn]

Has he ever disclosed this to his doctor?.....I know that would really be difficult for a man to admit, but it will be worth both your wiles to have him do so....or if he does really think its a co ntrol issue, how you considered having alittle wine before sex?....That may relax him to the point that he just enjoys the moment and things take their course.

[bleeder]

I think it is more of a psychological problem rather than a physical one. Try to get him to relax more before sex and maybe to talk to him about it [not during sex of course ].

 

Perhaps he is also trying too hard to reach an orgasm instead of enjoying sex itself. Increase the lengths of your foreplay and see if it helps.

 

All the best!

[JT]

Ummm

 

I'm 27 and have the same problem. I have never climaxed from just sex alone.. I have to do it "manuall" and then u know inside her.

 

Its weird.. I think its partly mental, and part physical. The physical aspect is I masturbate a lot so it will desensitize you after awhile. I can go forever and I lift weights and am very active so my hydraulics stay pretty firm.

 

As for the mental part.. usually when were doing it she tells me she wants it inside her.. so Im like trying to concentrate on the feeling so I can get off, but the more shes' looking at me waiting for me to do it, the more I kinda get stressed that its not happening fast enough... So its like a mind game really.

 

All of the women I've been with have understood my situation.. albeit some do get upset that they cannot "get me off"... but I tell them that the sex is great, which it is .. and there's a lot more to it than just me climaxing.

 

Does your SO masturbate a lot? Watch a lot of porn?

[WishMistress]

Umm I might have to agree with some of the other posts, it might be the fact that he got used to climaxing through masturbation and he feels no pressure and no need to perform when he is with just himself.

[lunatic]

I sometimes have that problem and that is when I ask my partner to take top. I have never had any problems finishing *clears throat* in that postion. So start on top then when she wants you to finish up ask her to take control. Give it a try next time and see if that helps.

 

Have fun and relax sex is susposed to be fun not stressful.

 

 

Hubman 8)

[EatZ]

I think it's merely a psychological thing for your boyfriend.

 

Like a previous poster mentioned, it's likely to be the pressure he feels to climax inside you more than his inability to. He knows you want it, he wants to do it for you, but the harder he tries (or thinks about it) the more difficult it becomes.

 

I myself had the same problem for the first few times I had sex. For me it was a combination of nervousness and not knowing what to do, but after a while it became easier. MUCH easier. So easy in fact that I can now make myself climax too quickly if I don't pay attention!

 

It became a matter of knowing what to do and when to do it. Sometimes it requires me to be more relaxed, others times it requires me to be a little rougher (i.e. harder/faster), and other times it just won't happen no matter what I do, for whatever reason (tired, sick, etc...).

 

Unlike the previous poster, I find it hardest in the girl-on-top position since I'm totally out of control of depth and speed. Missionary is the easiest for me, but it all comes down to preference.

[anotherperson]

Myself and my gf have been sexually active for a few months now. She means the world to me, and I appear to be doing a good job in the bedroom (or so she tells me). Both of us are very easily turned on during foreplay, and enjoy it very much so. Personally I am very satisfied with our sex life, however I also cannot climax from intercourse (only oral sex). Only a couple of times I have actually achieved orgasm while inside her. This does not bother me in the slightest as my gf is very good at oral sex, and can make me cum in about 10 - 15 mins using her hand and going down on me. Though she doesn't have a problem with oral sex, and complements me on my own oral techniques regularly, she still prefers missionary as her position of choice.

 

While in missionary I can make her come quite quickly, but because I can't feel an awful lot myself I tend to lose my errection after a few mins. This frustrates her as you can imagine, and does nothing for my self esteem. Now before my current partner I hadn't been sexually active in a long time, and masturbated quite a bit. Having read elsewhere this could be the problem, how long (if I abstain from masturbation), should it take before I start to feel something from sex. Or could there be something else that I'm not aware of. I don't feel like I'm under pressure or anything while having sex, it's just that I don't feel anything. Oh I should also point out that I have never cum inside anyone only my current partner a hand full of times. I've only had one previous sexaul partner, and I never climaxed inside her either, but it didn't seem to bother her as much.

 

My girlfriend informs me that I'm quite big, and says that I can sometimes hurt her when she's on top, as it gets quite deep inside her. The only time I have cum from sex was while she was on top, because the head of my penis was hitting against a wall inside.

 

So if you haven't already guessed it, is there anything I can do to perhaps help me feel something while inside her. This way I will be able to climax, won't lose my errection, because otherwise I'm able to go for ages without any problems whatsoever.

 

Thanks in Advance for your help

[EatZ]

Because you say you don't "feel" anything during sex, and the only time you've come inside her was because your penis was hitting against one of the walls of her vagina, it seems to me like there's not enough friction or gripping going on to keep you erect (or stimulated).

 

If your girlfriend is interested in trying it out, you might like to get her to do some kegel exercises to strengthen her vaginal muscles. As a result, she should be able to grip your penis whilst you're inside her by contracting her muscles around you. Not only will it be more pleasurable for you, but it'll be EXTREMELY pleasurable for her.

 

You might also want to try getting her to arch her back while in missionary. It could help with making it "grip" your penis more.

[ForAnother]

Yeah, well actually my first partner I couldn't come. There was something about her that I was uncomfortable with. But my current partner, I can come without masturbation. The reason is because half cuz I am comfortable with her, and half because I know the feeling of sex. I now know HOW to think during sex. Its really strange. Sometimes its hard for me to imagine that I am having sex. It took many times (prolly 20 times) before I really began to be comfortable with it and able to do ENJOY sex to the fullest.

 

It also depends on how raunchy the girl is. If she just spreads her legs and says "jump in" and just lays there.... then I can't get off. She has to touch me, talk to me, feel me, enjoy me... I mean I need all the things that a girl sometimes needs to orgasm. I want her to want to try positions. I love it when she wants to dance in front of me, it just makes me comfortable knowing that SHE wants me, and that she enjoys it herself. If she is confident, then I am confident.

 

Sometimes I need to look at her before sex to get horny enough. I simple need to see what she looks like "down there." Sometimes I have to go down on her so I can feel more in the mood.

 

A guys mind is typically dirty. Don't be apprehensive, you gotta be like jumping on him and say "F* ME!!!" and get him going.

 

One tip to girls... never say "COME!" a guy just simply won't after that is said.

 

ForAnother