f1r3f1y3 Posted January 29, 2011 Share Posted January 29, 2011 WHY is it hurting me so much that she is seeing someone else. She cheated on me, we've been separated 6 months, we're getting divorced on good terms. We agree on childcare, our son is happy. I've realised that myself and my wife are just not compatible at all. I didn't take the end of our relationship with any massive difficulty. Sure I was hurt about the cheating and the lies, but the actual breakdown of our marriage was slow and came gradually. Finding out about the cheating was just the last nail in the coffin. It was more relief when we actually separated. She takes our son on the weekends, but she had asked for today and tonight off to go out. Fine by me, she needs to start a life too. I know she has a boyfriend that hasn't seemed to lift her spirits much. She dropped our son off about an hour ago and she was already dressed up. It's great that she is moving on as this has been a very difficult time for her, and if she can be happy, it helps me too as there is less conflict, which in turns helps with our son. So why am I struggling with the fact she has a boyfriend and is going out? I feel like I want to keep texting her today. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted January 29, 2011 Share Posted January 29, 2011 I know she has a boyfriend that hasn't seemed to lift her spirits much. Depressed, unhappy people remain that way even when they have a partner. I know people who are so unhappy with life despite having no shortage of people banging down their door to be their partner. She cheated on you, she has a new boyfriend a mere six months after separation..but she still isn't a happy person. It is hard to see the ex find someone new when you haven't...but you need to put this into perspective...she is trying to run away from herself by latching on to new men...but in the end she still can't escape her inner demons. Link to comment
thispoorguy Posted January 29, 2011 Share Posted January 29, 2011 I agree with Crazyaboutdogs. She needs time to herself to find out what she wants in life. Maybe she can do this herself or maybe some professional help to reveal what she wants in life. I think that people create an fairy tale of how their life will turn out and when it does not turn out that way.. they freakout and do foolish things. Maybe that's why professional help is useful because we are afraid to tell people what we really want in life. Paying someone to listen to you and tell you that what you feel is normal or unreasonable is invaluable.. That's why I think that good forums with kind people does wonders for souls who want to tell the world what they want in life without being directly judged! Link to comment
f1r3f1y3 Posted January 29, 2011 Author Share Posted January 29, 2011 I should mention that I did meet someone I get on, we're dating (v slowly). I can't shake the thoughts of her with someone else. Strange as I've already had to come to terms with her have an affair for a year, which now doesn't bother me much Link to comment
engraved2008 Posted January 29, 2011 Share Posted January 29, 2011 I should mention that I did meet someone I get on, we're dating (v slowly). I can't shake the thoughts of her with someone else. Strange as I've already had to come to terms with her have an affair for a year, which now doesn't bother me much I feel you man...i know ,its so terrible.It really stings when u face they have someone in their lives.Well i do too,but it still bothers me....i d say try to do something cheerful,a movie or together with freinds to get them nid of. Link to comment
anthony4 Posted January 29, 2011 Share Posted January 29, 2011 of course it hurts to think of her with someone else. she was the cause of the problem with cheating on you, and has a companion. go slowly in this new relationship, wouldn't be fair to her if you haven't healed enough. it took me two divorces to realize i'm a rebound kinda guy, and it's just not a good practice. just remember you're the same guy your cheating ex fell for. don't change you. peace Link to comment
Love1336 Posted January 29, 2011 Share Posted January 29, 2011 You are hurting because you love her still. SOMETIMES BUT NOT ALL THE TIME lol, Human have unconditional love. A term that means to love someone regardless of the loved one's qualities or actions. You married her for a reason, you wanted to spend your whole life with her right? Onless for other reasons, but regardless marriage is FOREVER. You say you are happy to see her move on which is true, but she was YOURS, and that has to pinch your heart just alittle bit. Love can't die over night. You'll get used to the fact she's dating. Time heals all wounds. D: Link to comment
f1r3f1y3 Posted February 1, 2011 Author Share Posted February 1, 2011 Maybe I do love my wife and I never dealt with it. I have never even cried once about the whole thing. I am extremely sexually attracted to her. I really don't mean to sound like a pig, but I am attracted to her to the point it's driving me crazy. Is this normal?? I do have a little bit of a sex life elsewhere, I don't feel hard up in general. She just drives me crazy which is probably why I married her. I could never trust her again though. We're not even that compatible clearly as our marriage broke down spectacularly. It is very frustrating as I have spent the last 5-6 months realtively happy and believing I was doing well and making sensible choices. I don't know what to do about this girl I am dating. I thought I was doing fine with that a few weeks back and now I feel I'll have to end it as things are not as rosy as I thought they were. On paper she is the absolute perfect match for me. I think I'll regret ending it in a few years when I look back at this, but it's unfair to continue with her right? She lives a fair way from me so we've not become extremely close yet but feel that is only a matter of time if we continue as we are. eugh Link to comment
dolorosa Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 I do have a little bit of a sex life elsewhere and that would have been me Link to comment
dolorosa Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 She lives a fair way from me so we've not become extremely close yet but feel that is only a matter of time if we continue as we are. Seriously, we just came back from one week in tenerife, and had the trip to Amsterdam planned.... this was 4.5 months into our relationship. How can you be so low? having a little bit of sex elsewhere? is tht what I was? How can a person be so capable of lying? Link to comment
dolorosa Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 I am so angry at this, need to keep reading to remind myself what a horrible person you are, a little bit of a sex life somewhere else, what an awful thing to say, starting to hate youand that would have been me Link to comment
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