What is this guy doing?

[KeepMe]

Hey ENA,

 

Unfortunately I've become addicted to a game that most people know good and well, and I'm sure a few ENA members play too.

One day my friend introduced me to a guy from her group in the game who we will call "T". Immediately after we were introduced "T" and I had a ton of things in common. After weeks and months mine and "T's" friendship grew really strong. My friend messaged me while "T" and I was running with other members of our group and said "I can tell "T" is flirting with you, what's going on?" My friend is the type to over analyze things or take something and run with it so I just denied it and she said "No, I'm being seriously, I can really tell that he is flirting with you."

 

"T" is a tattoo artist so he showed me some pictures of his work, and him. Once I seen his picture my heart just melted, "T" is incredibly good looking!! After sharing our pictures our friendship was even stronger. "T" is a silly guy so he would have me rolling in my chair and I think every other line in our conversation was "LOL!" He would talk about where he would take me and what we would do on our dates if I were to visit him. And that if I lived closer he would invite me over to his shop to hang out with him. At this point I'm thinking he is really starting to like me, lord knows I like him!

 

"T" told me that he wanted to plan when each of us would be on next, so that we could be on together. When we couldn't be on together we would end up emailing each other and checking in when we would be on next and pretty much implying that we missed each other.

 

Now for the kicker!

 

My friend decides to tell me after all these months and weeks of talking and after I fall completely head over heels for this guy that he's married! I guess being an important person in the group I should have looked through the members and read their notes, sure enough a member in the group had ""T's" Wife" next to their name.

 

Seriously? I really thought this guy liked me, and now I'm starting to wonder if my infatuation has made "me" over analyze things and mistake friendly intentions for "friendly" intentions. I remember joking around with him and something was said and I put "

 

Things began to slow down with us (not even because of me) but once I found out (he doesn't have a clue that I know about his wife) he became less available. He told me that he was starting to get busy at work, and he wasn't getting internet at his house. He went from wanting to be on together to going a week to a week and a half without signing on, and when he would sign on he wouldn't be quick to send a hello like usual. Which is strange to me because nobody knew about us, or that we even talked, except my friend. My friend didn't even talk to "T" and she even quit playing herself for awhile.

 

"T" made a new character but made it female and had a funny name to it. I jokingly made fun of it and he went dead silent. I even asked him what it was in group chat and he wouldn't answer me. He answered other questions that came his way but each time passed over my question. I went in looked at some members and come to find out it's his Wife's name, but he wouldn't dare tell me. ??

 

I know my boundaries, I'm not going to tread on someone else property. I'm not a home wrecker, it's just unfortunate that I'm left with a crush while he's with his Wife. Should I mention it to him? Or just ditch him and not talk to him again? I've seen his Wife sign on before and she never talked to any of the group or said hello. I don't want to toot my own horn or sound conceded that really isn't me, but is it possible that he developed feelings for me and started to feel guilty for his wife so he gave me the brush? Last but not least he talked to me last night, he instantly said hello to me and struck up conversation, this is a first in about a couple weeks. I needed some help in the game so he rushed over to me to help, once it was done he had to work on a client, he said he would be right back but never came back.

 

Sorry for the length, all input is appreciated.

-Keep

[abitbroken]

He has made himself very clear by withdrawing from you. Several things could have happened.

1) He wasn't trying to be flirty, but your friend tried to cause trouble by telling you so. He found out, and because he thought you might be attracted, he withdrew so you don't get the wrong idea

2) he's a player or was having a fantasy.

3) It is your wishful thoughts interpreting things as flirty.

 

I would really just respect his boundaries, as he is making it clear that he is trying not to initiate contact with you as regularly.

 

I really would expand my horizons and not be so immersed in this computer group - go out and have a good time volunteering, going to talks at the museum, or going out for a hike and expanding your network so you don't fixate on one person

[Aether]

Let me guess...WoW? Don't worry I play too and have a long and painful history, I have since decided that..."That which Blizzard creates can also destroy" if you do play then you'll get where that comes from...means a lot to me. T for tank? Been there with my ex, he was MT and guild/raid leader. I was very very careful to find out if he was single before I let myself go and actually develop serious feelings for him. He is married and I personally think you should back off out of respect really, don't flirt with him anymore...I honestly think it's bad ground to cover, it could well be that you've over analysed, we're all guilty of it sometimes...I'd really just put the idea out of your head, that's really the best course of action...

[KeepMe]

Thanks guys for the response, unfortunately Aether caught on, lol! That is the game, and it's quite addicting, however I'm not consumed in it anymore. I don't play much anymore, only a couple hours a day. As I said, I definitely know my boundaries, I haven't flirted by any means with him or try and start a conversation with him. I always let him strike the first conversation, and even then I talk as I would a friend. It's just crazy to me that he wouldn't ever mention his wife to me. He would make flirtatious passes at me, and talk about dates that we would go on, and how he wished I lived closer, when he would speak to me he would call me his. I even noticed that he got a tad bit' jealous when I was talking to someone else in guild chat, he made this clear in a private message. When doing dungeon runs (this sounds so silly for those who don't play the game, lol) he would do emotes like "T" loves you, and "T" flirts, and smiles, at you.

I know it's completely possible but I sure the hell wouldn't make those passes at someone who I didn't want anything but friendly relations with. I know it was completely my fault for not checking and asking if he was single or not, looking back on it, it's a bit' of a huge and important question to ask, lol. The only reason I would ask if I should talk to him about is, is because of the fact that he indeed has never brought her up. Everyone knows our group has pretty much fallen apart, nothing gets updated anymore. So I wasn't sure if maybe he never told me about her because there is no longer a him and her? Maybe they are going through a divorce, and she doesn't happen to live with him anymore? Believe me I'm not making excuses, I really liked this guy but I can turn away and move on and not look back. Either way I consider him a dog for not bringing her up, and if they are in fact still together I really feel bad for her. =/

[lucasky]

Hi there,

 

I was a long-time WoW player and quit a couple years ago (I played from its release until March 2009 - So I played a bit of WOTLK). I even dated a guy I met on WoW for 3 years!!

 

Trust me, I saw this behavior a TON, and it is not your fault for having fallen for the guy. The thing about WoW is yes, romances do start up online, but for a lot of guys, its just that - online - it isn't real. Maybe some small feelings were there, but its like there's this online barrier that prevents him from taking it too seriously. Some men (and women) may completely fall for another they meet online, but it doesn't mean anything to them beyond it being online. Its just part of the game - like having a crush on a movie character.

 

Its also part of an ego stroke. Flirting is fun! Everyone likes a little attention now and then. Since its online and pretty anonymous at the end of the day, it allows for one to flirt away without feeling guilty.

 

It sucks though - because the other person may totally BE taking away a different meaning from all the interactions. They may feel it is something very real and important.

 

Maybe he realized that is what was happening to you.

[carrottop]

i know how you feel (read my thead 'grr so annoyed') that was worse as we were in actual contact. it sucks it really does

[Aether]

I know a few couples that met in WoW and went on to get together out of game too, myself included with the ex. Luca makes a lot of very good points though, I couldn't have said it better myself. I still play, but not raiding anymore..can't play my main, too many memories (she was his healer) it breaks my heart even more, that will sound silly to anyone else but I'm sure at least 2 people in this thread will understand lol

[Guest]

This is why you guys should play EVE. It's all business in that universe.

[WockaWocka]

Sounds like he was definitely having an emotional affair with you for a while, and I agree it's annoying that he conveniently left out the part about being married. I've had something similar happen before, and am very careful to screen out married men as much as possible.

 

I don't really see a need to confront him about it, clearly he's avoiding you. It's pretty crappy behavior to lead you on then drop you like a hot potato, but be thankful he's not doing the whole "we're just roommates and best friends, I want to get divorced soon" thing and continued to drag it out. At least your free, but I'm sure it still stings.

 

I think it's very possible his wife discovered his correspondence with you and is now monitoring him, maybe your "friend" even mentioned it to her? I highly doubt that anyone addicted to WoW wouldn't have internet at their house! He's trying his best to detach from you and I think you might as well let him. Sorry.

[Mandymay1977]

Sounds to me that he was enjoying the flirting and getting to know you but got caught by his wife before he could go any further with it. I don't know the game your talking about but I know alot of online games have a chat history, it's very common for partners to know the log in details of their partners...she's probably read the chat history and pulled him up for it, or threatened to leave him. That would certainly make him think if it was really worth it and explain his sudden behaviour changes. But regardless his married and off limits, leave it alone...the only explanation you need is 'His Married'. Sucks for you I know, but could have been worse. But at the end of the day, you only know the person he wants you to know and that is who you fell for not who he really is.

[KeepMe]

Thanks so much for your response! You put it very nicely, and quite clear ... I'm glad a few people here at least know what I am talking about. lol. I guess I'm a little more gullible since my ex of four years I met online from the same friend who introduced me to "T" lol! I don't think I need to let her fix me up anymore. No, she is a good friend and she thought that "T" and I were rather strange for even continuing to talk to each other.

 

Anyway, my ex of four years actually traveled back and fourth to stay with me, lived with me for about 3 or 4 months, and we were all seriousness with each other. However, I'll be completely honest I didn't expect anything to come of this, I wasn't expecting a relationship, and I wasn't expecting to ever meet him. It just bothered me that he didn't mention a wife, and that he would just quit talking to me out of nowhere when the flirting was fun! Just a minor let down for me, but my "head over heels" for him quickly started melting away. I'm not hurt by any of this, just a crush that will go away sooner than I know it.

Thanks again =)

[KeepMe]

I know a few couples that met in WoW and went on to get together out of game too, myself included with the ex. Luca makes a lot of very good points though, I couldn't have said it better myself. I still play, but not raiding anymore..can't play my main, too many memories (she was his healer) it breaks my heart even more, that will sound silly to anyone else but I'm sure at least 2 people in this thread will understand lol

 

Ouch, not being able to play your main? Rather others understand or not, that really DOES suck. lol. But it does help hearing from others who've had some experience (as unfortunate as that is, I wouldn't really wish this on anyone) it just helps me get over it that much faster. Thanks for replying =D

[savignon]

Even though the flirting was fun and you maybe didn't think you'd ever meet him, it was a destructive thing for both of you (little did you know). Just be thankful it's over and be more weary of guys online that want you to be "theirs" without knowing much about you and never having met you. Creepy!

[KeepMe]

@WockaWocka

 

Thank you so much for the response, I think you are probably right about his wife finding out. I know my friend didn't mention anything because she's been my "real" best friend from childhood, she also quit playing weeks before any of this stuff went down. She thinks it's odd I would even talk to him, I won't lie she's a bit' snooty and she found him rather "odd" they never ever talked. I haven't confronted him, and I won't confront him about it either. My feelings are done with him, I've left them at the door. It's strange because I have yet to remove him as a friend and he messaged me the other night like nothing was wrong. He started to flirt (I did not reciprocate) and he carried on a perfectly normal conversation. I don't know what his deal is.

[KeepMe]

Even though the flirting was fun and you maybe didn't think you'd ever meet him, it was a destructive thing for both of you (little did you know). Just be thankful it's over and be more weary of guys online that want you to be "theirs" without knowing much about you and never having met you. Creepy!

 

It does sound really creepy, lol! But I am thankful, and I can honestly say I've learned my lesson. =)