sfindependent Posted April 6, 2011 Author Share Posted April 6, 2011 haha nice. im thinking of having a glass or two of whiskey when i get home. hehee have fun bro. Link to comment
sfindependent Posted April 6, 2011 Author Share Posted April 6, 2011 ha. walking through the sf panhandle. its gorgeous. Link to comment
ClarenceRutherford Posted April 6, 2011 Share Posted April 6, 2011 Hell no, tacky would be to brag, other than here. This is the happy tree, the safe place. And the irony is just making me burst! Total, simplistic, irony. I wondered about how/when the new gal was gonna come around. She had said things about our first date - "amazing conversation, the kiss was delightful, and how i was charming." So last night i called her on it. I asked her when she wanted more amazing, delightful, and charming? She asked when i was available. So we get together this weekend. That's great news, Tony! Yeah, never good to brag or try to "rub it in" to your EX. You're clearly the better one here. My relationship is going better as well. It's not total bliss, but 2 out of the last 3 visits, me and my wife ML.... We still live in separate states though. I recall you posted in my thread. Thanks for stepping in between some of those other posters that took me to cleaners for my view that spouses shouldn't selfishly withhold.... Link to comment
sfindependent Posted April 6, 2011 Author Share Posted April 6, 2011 That's great news, Tony! Yeah, never good to brag or try to "rub it in" to your EX. You're clearly the better one here. My relationship is going better as well. It's not total bliss, but 2 out of the last 3 visits, me and my wife ML.... We still live in separate states though. I recall you posted in my thread. Thanks for stepping in between some of those other posters that took me to cleaners for my view that spouses shouldn't selfishly withhold.... gotta love man love. glad to hear about you FL and how life's been well. sf Link to comment
sfindependent Posted April 7, 2011 Author Share Posted April 7, 2011 didn't end up drinking last night. GG (a fellow ENA member) and i will be having a few drinks tonight instead. Anyone from the SF/bay area should come out sometime and have a drink with us in the mission. I was thinking about my ex (as usual) today and i sort of don't know what to think of her right now, especially this latest turn of events (texting me then not responding, super rude and inconsiderate). I mean, given the bad fall out we had, i realize i don't know exactly what i want from her after that. Sure, i miss her, miss the love that we shared, miss the bond we had, miss everything except for the bad stuff about her. But given things have changed, colors are revealed and new people are involved (people whom we've been seeing, new friends new life choices and happenings), i am not sure if i want to be involved in that, nor do i want to know about what she's doing after all this. I don't want to know how well or how bad she's doing with her life and if we ever got back together, as friends or as lovers, i'm not sure how i would take these changes that have occurred with her. I'm not bitter, i'm just afraid of getting hurt again. I'm also thinking to myself, i have so much to work on with my life, i'm not sure if she'd even be a fit if she decides to give it another go while i was too busy trying to achieve my goals. I gave her two and some years of sweet memories, love and commitment. But she didn't want to return it. I can't blame her if she feels that way, but i know somewhere there she committed to me. She moved her stuff from FL to CA just to be with me. And she up and just dumps me after that. I'm sure she thinks about me a lot. I'm sure she's angry at me for leaving, but what did she expect me to do, after she dumps me and starts talking to a new man while i was still living at home with her? ugh. kinda disgusted about how everything is right now. I'm not sure if i even want to be friends with her, but clearly nothing would get better if she doesn't put her tish together and be clean and clear with me and jsut be cool. jkgfakldfjghkldfjgjklsdfg Link to comment
MakeItCount Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 Unfortunately you can't pick and choose qualities in people. It seems like you just weren't match man. Keep going, you'll see that to it's fullest soon enough. Link to comment
sfindependent Posted April 7, 2011 Author Share Posted April 7, 2011 yeah, ive been seeing the vast differences in our lives and the way we live it. from religion to political beliefs, to the way we communicate. Is it because of where we are at in our lives? i don't know. I do know i'm trying my best to improve myself. I may have slacked off with some of it, but overall, i'm trying to have a completely different perspective in life. Love isn't enough, love is just the beginning. Love is what is needed to cultivate everything else that is needed to be with someone. I wonder if things will ever get better between the two of us? God, I wish it did. Sometimes, I find myslf praying that things would just be ok. But i don't think it will, not for the time being. I know there's only a few things i can do in the mean time. keep improving myself. Keep living life, keep being a better person. most of all learn to Love the right way. I don't think i can do anything else for us anymore than just keep my mouth shut. The ball has been in her court the whole time especially when i made it clear for her to contact me when she's not as peeved or is comfortable enough to have a talk with me. Her response when i said "maybe we do need to talk" was "there's nothing to talk about" (just this saturday). I was to the point of wanting to just talk and be like "dude, listen. talk to me without getting too emotional about it". From that context alone i'm being led to think she sounds more like i hurt her rather than her hurt me from this BU. that's sort of selfish in it by itself when she's the one who broke up with me. It doesn't matter now. I just wish she'd come to her senses soon and just us be cool. I'm trying to be too busy to think about her and so far it's working. i've a heavy heart still, but not as heavy as I did before. I even went back on Instagram already (she follows my photos there, but I don't hers) and uploaded some really good pics i've taken and edited. Ugh. one day, sf. One day. OAN: hung out with GoldenGuy here last night. pretty sick. hopefully he'll get through his own tish too. nice to actually have someone listen to you (and you listen too, of course) about exes and their craziness. Link to comment
jonesyjakk Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 hows things sf???? sounds like you still got a lot of tish going on there dude! jonesy Link to comment
sfindependent Posted April 7, 2011 Author Share Posted April 7, 2011 hows things sf???? sounds like you still got a lot of tish going on there dude! jonesy things are going well as they can be. Finances are still tish. but i'll be ok. i've done it before and i'll do it again. as far as the ex is concerned, i miss her but i'm more on the side of wt hell happened? i know i can't and probably would never find out and it's something i've got to come to terms with. things change, feelings change. it's a case of coulda woulda shoulda and a hopeful maybe we can meet somewhere down the line and finally be ok. But i doubt it. not in anytime soon. this is all her now. i'm not there and she doesn't want me to be so either. jonesy, be careful out there man. If there's one thing i've learned through my BU's is that you will learn to be hard hearted. It doesn't mean that you can't love again, but you will. next time you'll be more careful with it and ultimately will realize the value of the difference between real love, and what you just have been wishing for you had with your ex right now. i'm seeing that, i'm feeling that, but i just have to quit resisting the idea that things will never get better. Link to comment
jonesyjakk Posted April 7, 2011 Share Posted April 7, 2011 nah man, when the right woman comes along im gonna love her just as much as i loved my ex, but she will be the right woman...im gonna take my time to find her...and i hope you do the same, i love women too much to be hard hearted, i got a damn big heart and it would be a waste to keep this to myself! you'll be ok sf, i have no doubt in time, this is a chapter someday you will be happy you got through and be glad it finished! keep positive stay focused on your goals! jonesy Link to comment
sfindependent Posted April 8, 2011 Author Share Posted April 8, 2011 good thinking, thanks for the positive vibes man. I'll throw some your way too. you're not just a man now, you're a father. even more reason to man up. it's ok to be afraid to love, it's even ok to love again. Just be wary; we are good people and we do not want to be taken advantage of, especially when we're blindsided by the emotions of love. Link to comment
sfindependent Posted April 8, 2011 Author Share Posted April 8, 2011 i'm surprised. Of all the things i feel, definitely surprised. this is another rant so please forgive me. I'd rather put it here than talk to my friends about it and burn them out. I was hanging out last night with my buddy. Went to an "after dark" function at the Sf exploratorium. Their main exhibit was "skateboard science". in the museum, they had a small halfpipe and a few other obstacles that were laid out in the middle of the floor. Skateboarders were actually the "exhibit". They were also serving drinks so having cocktails while walking around playing with exhibits were kinda cool. My buddy has a year pass so we get to go there for free. Fun fun fun. anyway, we move to a different place to chat in a quiter place. my buddy and i started talking about our opinions about our exes and compared the craziness we experienced with our BU's. He knew my ex well and his opinion of mine were that she might not be happy with life, probably misses me, thinks about me. Neither of us has made a move to "reconcile" or at least start talking. He says it speaks volumes about how she probably feels about me with the negativity that she shows me. she probably hates my guts but i've not done anything to make her feel that way. Again, i didn't cheat, treated her nicely. might have been selfish at times, but in general was a good bf. i wish we understood each other a little bit more but what's done is done between us. i'm moving on and learning from this experience. Next woman i will be with will definitely benefit from a more attentive, considerate man. Out of nowhere an old buddy of mine whom me and the ex met before calls me that same minute we were talking about our exes. He was checking in on me to report that he saw my ex with a guy and it was just the two of them. he said "yeah, i sat accross the bar from them and she didn't even acknowledge me. She just looked at me, then ignored me. I noticed she was with a guy. typical white abercrombie and Fitch kinda guy. skinny and tall. it didn't look TOO much like a date tho" something like that. "they had a couple of drinks then left." He didn't know we were already broken up so it wasn't his fault. My friends have been supportive and don't tell me anything even if they hear something from my ex. I'm surprised i'm not as affected by the whole thing. I am affected but well let me define it. i'm not surprised nor hurt she was with this guy. i won't be surprised if it was the same guy who she met the first few weeks we were broken up. his description of him sounds about right. I mean, i've gone on dates, slept with some women already and meet new women on almost a weekly basis. i don't blame her for hanging out with this guy.if i had someone to constantly go out on dates and stuff, i probably will do that too. i'm realistic like that. But i'm more upset about thinking about us and what had happened while we were together. like, "what happened to US?" "what happened to us being together, loving, sweet and caring and co habitating together and all that jazz?" I mean, I know part of things is that i wish we had better communication with each other when we were together and that things weren't like this between us right now. I know it sucks, but i'm pulled back at that "self blame" phase where i'm thinking to myself if only i wasn't "like this and like that". But i feel i did 75% well with her. 25% needed improvement as a bf i believe. I feel i'm subconsciously comparing the new guy to myself. SUBCONSCIOUSLY. i'm not intentionally wallowing over it or anything, but the thought keeps popping up in my head. Do they have better communication? Do they work better together, better than us? I know that even if they were perfect for each other, it doesn't mean anything against me or my person... I know that. I know all these things. it's the emotions that are rolling and i can't stop it. I'm not walking around with a cloud above my head anymore. i'm functioning like i was back to my normal self. I know one day i'll find that one person who'll blow any ex out of the water. But today, i'm just, Blah. I wish i can do something, anything. But in reality. Nothing. Just keep doing what i'm doing and move on. Jesus it hurts though. I know i can't do anything about HER. i shouldn't, anyway. There's nothing i can do. it's been almost 3 months now (january 16 BU i think, feb 1st move out, recent contact due to $$), shouldnt i be over this by now and not even WANT anything from her? What's wrong with me? why can't i get over the fact that she is BAD and i need to just look out for myself and be done with this? Why can't i just see that and let go of the ideology that things can get better between us? There's NO US. it's only ME. There's a million women out there, and I have some share of women who are into me so that's not the problem. Why am i stuck on her? why am i still thinking it can get better? why can't i just realize there's nothing, absolutely nothing i can do to change her feelings towards me? ugh. if i can, i'd beat myself and thoughts of her out with a stick. ok. rant over. gotta keep thinking positive thoughts. it'll get better, sf. just work on yourself. Link to comment
sfindependent Posted April 9, 2011 Author Share Posted April 9, 2011 argh. so the stupidity continues, this time, it came from me. A friend of ours texted me a video of me and the ex's dog. I replied with "super cute! just like me lol!" and "Feel bad for the guy for being neutered but after that, no more couch eating!". Unfortunately i didn't realize that it was a group text. That it was for both of us and when i replied, she got one too. so I got a reply from my ex saying "i'm pretty sure this wasn't for me" and then, "damnit i'm not D (our mutual friend)". i should have left it like that. but i'm just sick of her attitude so i texted back "Oh, sorry. I didn't realize it was group. Tish. Don't get your panties in a bunch". didn't get anything back. didn't give anything else. I seriously, seriously didn't realize i texted her until she replied back. (it went to my friend and her) I'm seriously tired of feeling like crap. I spent a good two hours writing here on ENA a letter to her (which i wasn't going to send anyway) asking about why she's still mad at me and what was up her pooper. But i realized it was stupid. It was pointless and again, why do i want to be with someone so much, when all she does is hate on me? So i deleted it. Not going to bother with asking myself stupid questions like that. she's obviously angry at me... she seems to be fine with being by herself. she's going on dates and is moving on. I need to, too. Whats the point right? She's bad news, she's bad blood against me and i can definitely find someone worth more time to me than me spending it trying to appease someone who dumped me in the first place for things that could have been easily improved if she made the effort to do so. She's not worth it. I'm going for bigger, better things. I may feel bad today, and slightly obssessive about why she's mad at me, who she was with and all that jazz and my unintentional mistake... but i'll get over it. I'm better than this. SF Link to comment
anthony4 Posted April 9, 2011 Share Posted April 9, 2011 A simple mistake really, don't beat yourself up in any way mon. Link to comment
twitchyfingers Posted April 9, 2011 Share Posted April 9, 2011 sf, no harm, no foul on the accidental text. I can see how it would make you feel a little off, though. Any reason to not block the ex on your phone at this point? I know you two had some practical stuff (bills, etc.) you had to sort out recently. Link to comment
MakeItCount Posted April 9, 2011 Share Posted April 9, 2011 Dude, stop giving her a reaction!!!! Link to comment
sfindependent Posted April 9, 2011 Author Share Posted April 9, 2011 Dude, stop giving her a reaction!!!! Couldn't help on that one. oh well. sf, no harm, no foul on the accidental text. I can see how it would make you feel a little off, though. Any reason to not block the ex on your phone at this point? I know you two had some practical stuff (bills, etc.) you had to sort out recently. i still have my car there, gutted with no tranny. I've yet to get the parts coz i'm broke. lol A simple mistake really, don't beat yourself up in any way mon. thanks. it really was. How was i supposed to know that it would send back to ALL the recipients? oh well. Whatever. I got another one TODAY. It was a pic of a package that was sent by my former work place. Don't know what it was or what it contained but either A) the post office sent it by mistake because I changed my address a month ago and the forwarding mail is being sent to my new address now or B) it must have been there a while already because of that same reason and she just never gave it to me for whatever reason. texted her "u can just send it back to sender or i can p/u sometime. thank you". no response. really? Has it come down to Non-verbal/readable communication? WTTTTTTTTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF i'm seriously pulling my hair out right now. It's like a psychological warfare for her and she's FFFing up with my mind. I was fine after the series of angry texts, the bill incident and whatnot that needed to be fixed. i moved on and despite it me bothering me, i don't hold any anger towards her that lasts more than an afternoon, and she is just milking it. dragging it longer, i feel! It makes me feel like i should be doing something... something to appease her, confront her aout why the F she's still mad. But i won't. there's no point. there's simply nothing i can do. she can be mad, destructive, anything! but i personally cannot do anything to change her outlook towards me even when i'm doing nothing like chase her or show her i still want her back. am i the only one who thinks she's doing this on purpose? Link to comment
MakeItCount Posted April 9, 2011 Share Posted April 9, 2011 Of course she's doing it on purpose. Dude, I'm telling you over and over again and so is Real. This is exactly what was expected. You have a choice here, in how you react. Stop letting it bug you. She's being petty, and you're constantly giving her reassurance with your reactions. Stop it or I'm flyin down to SF and chaining you to a post. Link to comment
sfindependent Posted April 9, 2011 Author Share Posted April 9, 2011 HAHAHAHA well, i was doing my taxes today and I discovered I've not received a couple of the documents I was supposed to get. I need to contact her to see if she has it. Damnit. I changed my address 1st or 2nd week of feb. ugh. Link to comment
Real Deal Posted April 10, 2011 Share Posted April 10, 2011 HAHAHAHA well, i was doing my taxes today and I discovered I've not received a couple of the documents I was supposed to get. I need to contact her to see if she has it. Damnit. I changed my address 1st or 2nd week of feb. ugh. Nope, you are looking for a reason. Contact whoever sent the docs and have them send it again (Unless a W-2 I understand). I mean seriously, not to be a di#k but what could it be that you MUST have? You don't have a mortgage and even if you did you can get that and any investment statements online. I can't see what it is that is so important that you must but by the time you read this you likely already have contacted her..... Link to comment
gallop30 Posted April 10, 2011 Share Posted April 10, 2011 HAHAHAHA well, i was doing my taxes today and I discovered I've not received a couple of the documents I was supposed to get. I need to contact her to see if she has it. Damnit. I changed my address 1st or 2nd week of feb. ugh. i'm sure you do find plenty of excuses to do so Link to comment
sfindependent Posted April 10, 2011 Author Share Posted April 10, 2011 taxes are due on april 15th. I only have two of the 4 tax documents that were mailed to me. One is from the government and the other is from a former job that she took a pic of and sent to me. the gov't documents are not at my place (i only have a room and a bathroom in my new place) so if i can't find it here, there's no other place it would be other than hers. i'm really not trying to make excuses to contact her. All 95% of the contact that has been made thus far has been her initiating it. In weeks i've only asked her to call me if it's really important when it comes to money and my personal belongings. i've since stopped doing the idle chit chat since it wasn't helping neither of us get through each other and was just not helping me get over her. when i do initiate contact, it's to finish an issue that she initiated contact in the first place. I really don't want to contact her, at all. there's no point. I don't like how i feel after speaking with her and i know each contact that is made drives her even further from me, making future reconnection (as friends) and healing impossible. all the contact that has been made has been negative. there's nothing to talk about. there's nothing "positive" that we can talk about. there's nothing I'd really like to know about her and even if there is, it would not really benefit my life. if there's one significant contact that i would to accept, it would be her apologizing for how she's been treating me, and that she wants me back. but that's not gonna happen. As far as i'm concerned, i just do my own thing and keep to myself and my life here in the city. I even try to avoid going back home because of the chances of her and me seeing each other. I maybe feeling upset and still a bit sad about us breaking up, but i'm not pining for her anymore. i'm not as bad as i was when i first started. However, i have to admit, that every little "taunt" that she makes (with or without intent to do so) pushes me back into that hole that i've just crawled out of and i hate it. why would i want to keep hurting myself? if i can, there's nothing more that i want than make our contact be pleasant and meaningful but obviously, its not. So i don't. I am still weak because i'm easily sucked into her negativity, i know that. I still react to her when she provokes me as MIC has made mention. even noncalance doesn't work because in the end i still get upset and just become snarky towards her. a reaction she obviously wants to get from me. i've been better,but of course i only post the bad thigs that happen in my life here. thus making me look weaker than how i really am. Link to comment
ferna3069 Posted April 11, 2011 Share Posted April 11, 2011 hey sf independent. i read some of your post in this thread. how long did it take you to stop holding on? im trying to let go but it seems so hard at times. its been a month and ten days since the break up. ten days ago i talked to my ex and told her that i need space. because every time we would talk she would get deffensive over the most random things. and pretty much i feel kinda like you at times. it makes me feel worse to talk to her Link to comment
Real Deal Posted April 11, 2011 Share Posted April 11, 2011 If anyone gets emotionally high or low from talking to an ex that means they ex still has "power" of them. If you get to a point where you are centered and have your own life it will not matter. Until one reaches that state everything else is BS. Link to comment
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