Why cant love be enough??

[InaDaze87]

My ex and I just spent the entire weekend in New Orleans. We haven't spent any time like this together since August of last year, nor have we been able to communicate as effectively about how we feel since our break up in October.

 

This weekend was the happiest, saddest, most hurtful, confused time of my life. We both ended up having to be completely honest with one another about everything that has happened the past 4 months. She admitted to having sex with someone else and so did I. She also admitted to lying about certain things and so did I. She also confessed that she still loves me deeply but doesnt want to hurt me because she's afraid of falling in love seeing that she came from a broken abusive home. She also said that she had to learn to love herself before she can accept true love from anyone, which I completely agree with 100%.

 

The problem is I feel like why are we going through all this by hurting each other back and forward having sex with others, lying, and holding back cause we are both so afraid. We both want to be together soo badly that even after all the hurting we still couldnt be upset with each other. We both cried almost all night last night while holding each other just because we realize that love is just not enough to make us work. We both have to work on ourselves separately and we know that. Plus we both are trying to stay focused on finishing college and professional school. You would think that if two people love, care, and want each other so much then what is there holding them back??? We cant figure out what to do or even where to start....any advice from you guys??

[faithful14]

Judging from what you wrote, it sounds like she needs to work on herself.

 

If you both want to be with each other again, talk to each other and find out what you both want from this relationship. It seems as though you both are scared of hurting one another and want the time to improve.

 

You just have to talk to each other about what's holding you back and what you're expectations are if you want to move forward together.

 

Communicate.

[thejigsup]

It takes a whole lot more than love to make it work. Love is just one component, there are many others and they all have to be there. Maybe in the future you two can make a go of it. I truly hope so.

[KeepMe]

Only advice I can give is that you both have to be willing, and serious. Take very little steps at a time, and make a difference in yourselves and make them prominent so that the other can see that you really have changed for the better. Communication is key, keep communicating, and letting each other know where the both of you stand. Start by taking a step back, go back to the past and see what exactly went wrong. It's a painful part of the relationship, and rather you want to relive it or not, you can't just brush it under the carpet. Instead you have to come out with it, and you both have to know what went wrong, and what each of you think about all of your problems. Then once you have addressed the problems start trying to fix them one by one. Give yourselves some time to breathe, and work on building yourselves back up. Really, sometimes a break is all you need. I was amazed at everything I was able to learn, and the things I was able to feel, and the things I was able to see that I couldn't see whilst in the relationship after taking a long several month break from my ex. You would "think" love would be enough, but if neither of you are free, and cleared of all past things, and personal things at that, then love is just a minor ingredient. However, from the sounds of things it seems like if you guys just stay true to each other, work things out, and get back on track, things will look up for the both of you, and quickly, if I might say.

I wish the two of you the best of luck,

I hope you can pull through this.

I think you can. =)

-Keep

[Ms Darcy]

Cheating on each other? That's nowhere near love.

[InaDaze87]

Cheating on each other? That's nowhere near love.

 

We arent cheating on each other Darcy...if you would have read the original post closely you would have noticed that I stated we have been broken up since October of last year. And by broken up I mean not together in any form or fashion. And we live about 2 hours away from each other.....The sex and lying took place after that. Pay closer attention before you comment next time please!!