What do you think about a long-distance relationship? Help Please!

[Teachergurl28]

Please help with this difficult situation!

:sad:

I have never written on one of these forums, but I decided to do so because I feel like I can't talk about this with my friends or family.

 

I recently just returned from South America where I taught for a few years. I met my wonderful boyfriend there, and we had a great relationship. We have been together for two years. He is very handsome, sweet, and loyal. There is just one problem... the sex. I feel horrible saying this, but he is on the small side. This should not be a problem, I know, but for me it is. I feel like I should be more open-minded, but I don't really like oral sex. I like just plain old sex! I have never spoken with him about this, but I only orgasmed a couple times when we were together. I faked the rest of the time. I feel like a very superficial person for thinking this, though! I really just keep telling myself that it is not important and I should get past it. He is a great guy!

 

I just returned back to the states because of my job situation, I missed my family, and frankly I just was not sure how I felt about the relationship with my boyfriend. He was not able to get a visa to come. We did not break up, however, because I still love him. I am very afraid of losing my best friend. We have been talking on the phone every night because he is going through a rough time with me being gone. And I miss him, too. Recently, he said that he is going to apply again for another visa to the states, buy I have mixed feelings about that.

 

Here is where the big problem comes in. I went out the other night with coworkers and friends to go dancing. I met a very cute, funny guy. We danced together a lot and he asked me for my number. I kind of froze up but I finally gave it to him. Later in the night, he told my friend how much he liked me and my friend replied: That may be a bit of a problem because she has a boyfriend. His mouth dropped open and he asked me if it was true and I said yes. He told me that he was still going to call me and we could be facebook friends. Well, he hasn't called me and I doubt he will. I think he was very much scared off(and rightfully so) by the fact that I have a boyfriend...

 

I talked to my boyfriend last night and I didn't tell him about giving my number to someone, and I'm thinking I should just forget the whole matter. However, I am ashamed of myself for talking/ flirting with other guys and being deceptive. And the worst part of it all is I am still secretly hoping this random guy will call!

 

Is this definite grounds for breaking up with my boyfriend? I am unsure what to do!!

 

Any ideas would be really appreciated!!

[savignon]

The fact that you're not fully satisfied with your relationship, he's so far away and you're already into checking out other options is DEFINITELY reason to call off things with the bf. Don't have him waste him time trying to get a visa b/c that can be a very painful process (I have a lot of friends in SA and they pin a lot of hopes on that sometimes and are devastated when it doesn't happen and they have to try again).

Not only will breaking up be more fair to your bf, but you'll also be single and if/when the new guy friends you on facebook you can let him know you're now available.

[Teachergurl28]

Hi Savignon,

 

Thanks for your sound advice! I really appreciate it. Yes, you are right. I should definitely talk to him before he goes through the visa process again. I just am so sad that he will probably be out of my life forever...I am unfortunately very unsure about the decision.

Probably some of my feelings come from the fact that my sister just got engaged and best friend just got engaged. Everyone seems to be moving in the direction of marriage. I feel sad that I will be ending something just as they are starting their marriages.

 

Thanks again...

[Pegasus]

This should not be a problem, I know, but for me it is. I feel like I should be more open-minded, but I don't really like oral sex.... I really just keep telling myself that it is not important and I should get past it. He is a great guy!

 

Yup, you are superficial. Guess what? We all are - some just hide it better than others.

 

...and frankly I just was not sure how I felt about the relationship with my boyfriend.

 

Well, this is just plain female red-herring. You ARE sure how you feel because if you weren't and you had any integrity you would not do this:

 

I met a very cute, funny guy. We danced together a lot and he asked me for my number. I kind of froze up but I finally gave it to him.

 

See? So in fact you do know how you "feel" about your current relationship. No mix-up here.

 

I talked to my boyfriend last night and I didn't tell him about giving my number to someone, and I'm thinking I should just forget the whole matter.

 

Well you won't forget it. Trust me. Your south-American boy will be single pretty soon.

 

However, I am ashamed of myself for talking/ flirting with other guys and being deceptive. And the worst part of it all is I am still secretly hoping this random guy will call!

 

What exactly you are ashamed of? Is it really because of what you did or because you think people will call you names over it?

 

See, the best course of action for both of you is to break up with current bf - so he would avoid costs for visa, potential travel and all that hassle. You obviously decided what you want but you just don't allow yourself to accept it.

 

Remember - other people have feelings too and do not deserve to be played. Be straight and do what you have to do.

[hrtlsngl7]

LDRs are STOOPID.