Tried to tell the ex off, completely backfired.

[justaglimmer]

He is 27, I'm just turning 22

[Daisy11]

I have to constantly watch my words, and then he still takes things the wrong way and misinterprets everything I say. I have really been trying with this guy, I never belittle him like that.. and I never nag him or talk down to him. The only time I ever speak up is when he starts lashing out at me and I make an effort to stand up for myself. I'm not perfect but there is no good reason for him to be so angry at me all the time. Sure, there were things I would have done differently in the beginning when we first met, but I can't continuously be punished for all that.

 

 

Wow, I just can't get over how alike our situations are. I know you have responded to one of my posts as well and thank you for your support. I am here for you too. What you wrote above about having to constantly watch your words and how he misinterprets everything then acts irrationally and hurts you could have come out of my own mouth. My Ex does the exact same thing to me. I can't win for trying. I fully admit that I had made some mistakes in the beginning but I realize them and have tried to change them. The fact is that men like this cannot look past the past. They can not accept that people can change and learn from their mistakes because they do not want to change or recognize their own mistakes. If we stay in contact with our ex's treating us like this then we are going to prolong this feeling of guilt, anxiety and sadness.

 

Let's do it together, let's block them and go no contact to head towards a better, healthier and happier life for ourselves. It's one thing to be in the situation and feel the pain myself but its almost worse to know there are other women out there also experincing this type of abuse. I would never wish this upon anyone!

 

I think I read that you are 22, I'm 26 and he is 24.... we are still young enough to find someone that will treat us right that we can start a better life with.

[justaglimmer]

Wow daisy, our situations are so similar its almost spooky! Especially about how they can't get over stuff and accept that we were actually trying for them. The guilt gets awful sometimes, all the stuff he holds against me... But then I look at how hard I've been trying for him, and how he has no right to judge me. I couldn't believe my ears last night when he told me that he would blame me 100% for the failed relationship. I swear I'd like to have seen my own facial expression on that one. How can someone be so unfair? It baffles me. Right when I get to feeling strong and stand up for myself, he knows just what to say to rip me apart. So you're right, going NC would help us so much. That way, they dont have the chance to tear us apart.

 

I'd give anything if he'd see what he's doing wrong, but the sad truth is that people like this are only out for themselves... and they wouldn't DARE bring themselves down a notch or 2.

[justaglimmer]

And you know what else I thought of? If he thinks I'm soo horrible of a girlfriend, he may very well be looking elsewhere! And I'll just be damned if I'm going to wait around for him to cheat on top of everything else.

[FootofGod]

So, what I gathered:

-ex is emotionally abusive

-you say "you were emotionally abusive"

-he emotionally abuses you

 

Yep, seems like a pretty cut-and-dry case. I know we all say things after breakups we'd rather not, but this sounds like exactly what an emotionally abusive person would say. It's the equivalent of when a woman gets sick of her man hitting her and he hits her and says he wouldn't if she wasn't such a bad partner. It's ugly. Don't buy into it. I know you keep wishing that he'd magically change his ways, but what's happening is the more you try, the more he is persistent in showing you that that's actually the type of person he is. As they say "when someone shows you who they are, believe them." Take his advice and start to write him out of your life. Go NC and never look back.

[Daisy11]

And you know what else I thought of? If he thinks I'm soo horrible of a girlfriend, he may very well be looking elsewhere! And I'll just be damned if I'm going to wait around for him to cheat on top of everything else.

 

Yup. Sorry your guy might not be 100% just like mine so it could be different, but my Ex treated me badly with this whole push/pull scenario for 3 months post break-up until he finally met someone else and started dating her. That's when he got extremely bad towards me and went from telling me he loved me one day and then telling me to leave him alone the next. He had met her that night before. They dated for two months, I went NC and started moving on with my life. And believe it or not I was doing alright.... then a month later, he started e-mailing me, sent me a handwritten letter and stopped by my house to tell me how sorry he was for ever thinking he could replace me and he was very apologetic about all of the past hurtful things he had done towards me and basically begged for me back. Like an idiot, I let him back into my life and things were great for about three weeks until the same patterens started. And you know how the rest of my story goes..... out of the blue again, without my causing an argument or provoking him, he is pushing me out of his life and has started bringing up my past mistakes and putting blame on me again.

 

I'm not sure if he found another girlfriend again or if he is just abusing me because he knows he can and that (from my past actions) I wouldn't leave and will wait for him to come back and treat me nicely again. Let my story be a lesson to you that even if they come back trying to be nice and claim to want to work things out, abusers like this will never change unfortunately. Not unless they admit they have a problem and seek professional help.... and from what I can tell, neither of our Ex's are willing to accept their problems and most definitly aren't willing to get help for them either.

 

Hang in there.