notgivingup Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 I am really tempted to call my Ex right now. Wednesday was the last day that I chatted with him on facebook chat. I had a seizure on Wednesday and now I am suffering from the after effects of it. My head hurts, my arms and legs hurt, every part of my body hurts. It is at moments like these when I want to turn to either my ex boyfriends or close guy friends of mine. I looked up his phone successfully on my cell phone, but I did not dial his number. I figured that no matter how badly I want or need someone to be there for me, someone I could turn to, that person cannot be my ex. So the questions: should I call him and will he pick up if and when I call him constantly keeps repeating itself in my mind. It is seriously driving me crazy. I have always had the urge to turn to my ex-boyfriends in times of trouble or need, of course there are exceptions. And now I am going through this constant battle between calling him to see if he would pick up or not calling him at all (for I know that is probably the best thing that I could do for the best of us). Sigh. Link to comment
engraved2008 Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 Do you still have feellings for him ? Link to comment
johnm3 Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 I'd turn to your other guy friends, family, girl friends, etc before resorting to calling an ex.. it could send mixed messages and if they have feelings for you still, it is cruel. Link to comment
notgivingup Posted January 14, 2011 Author Share Posted January 14, 2011 Hi Roxana, That is a very good question. So my answer to your question will be yes. I do not think that enough time has passed for me to actually move on over him and to completely let my feelings for him go. I still think about him, miss him, and relive the happy memories that we have in the past. Notgivingup Do you still have feellings for him ? Link to comment
Cheetarah Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 You're feeling vulnerable right now, probably craving safety and security. Except he's not the one to get it from. Not to 'just see'. What if he didn't take your call? Given how you're feeling right now, you'd probably really internalize that. Best to reach out to friends and fam who you know can be a rock for you. Link to comment
johnm3 Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 oh sorry I think I got the wrong idea.. I thought you were the dumper. If you are the dumpee, absolutely do not call. imagine calling him, him answering, you telling him how ill you feel and him acting cold and saying he has to go out with a friend? you'll amplify your pain significantly. not worth the risk. Link to comment
notgivingup Posted January 14, 2011 Author Share Posted January 14, 2011 Hi johnm3, Thanks for the advice. I have tried turning to guy friends and girl friends but they are all busy. I did call one of my many exes, he is at work right now, and will call me back during lunch break. Another one is busy right now and could not talked on the phone. Both of them wants to be with me (as my boyfriend), that I am not so sure about. I could understand where you are coming from, that it is cruel to lead somebody on. I always seem to have the problem setting boundaries and just talking everything out. I did not really see that ex of mines as my ex because we were only together for a five days. And I never really dated the other guy. I just enjoy spending my time with him. Notgivingup I'd turn to your other guy friends, family, girl friends, etc before resorting to calling an ex.. it could send mixed messages and if they have feelings for you still, it is cruel. Link to comment
notgivingup Posted January 14, 2011 Author Share Posted January 14, 2011 Hi Mintiya, Thanks for your advice. Actually I would not expect him to pick up my phone call even if I do end up calling him. But you are right though, I would really internalize it whether I expect him to pick up or not, and feel even worse afterwards. Yeah, you are so right. Friends, family and God should be my support system right now and not him. Notgivingup You're feeling vulnerable right now, probably craving safety and security. Except he's not the one to get it from. Not to 'just see'. What if he didn't take your call? Given how you're feeling right now, you'd probably really internalize that. Best to reach out to friends and fam who you know can be a rock for you. Link to comment
notgivingup Posted January 14, 2011 Author Share Posted January 14, 2011 Hi johnm3, Thanks for the advice. I have already told him that I was ill two days ago, so he knows already. I'm guessing that if he really does care about me, he would be the one to call me (just to make sure that I am okay). I am definitely not going to call him, but I can't guarantee that I will not imagine calling him, imagine him picking up the phone when I call, imagine hearing his voice on the phone, imagine him asking me how I am, etc. You are probably right, he is probably way too busy with his life to think about, and to care about my well-being. Notgivingup oh sorry I think I got the wrong idea.. I thought you were the dumper. If you are the dumpee, absolutely do not call. imagine calling him, him answering, you telling him how ill you feel and him acting cold and saying he has to go out with a friend? you'll amplify your pain significantly. not worth the risk. Link to comment
fwdthinker Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 Hey, I am so sorry you had a seizure. What a scary thing! No wonder you are seeking stability and comfort now. The thing is as the others have said; look for that stability from "sure-things." Create a win situation for yourself. Even if that means "you" just talking to "you" about how frightening and painful that experience was! Another suggestion is to call your own voicemail, and talk "as if" you were talking to the ex. Let it be recorded. Then call your vmail back and let it play. It is therapeutic! And no danger to your already fragile sense of self due to the effects of the b/up. Link to comment
Thinkingin10s Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 you will always have feelings for him. but it is just a piece of who you are. find comfort in the plutonic friendships, because furthr emotional upheavel will affect your health more. Emotions are horrid little creatures. Be rational, not emotional. Sympathy points are often looked at as pathetic by the dumpers. Link to comment
notgivingup Posted January 16, 2011 Author Share Posted January 16, 2011 Hi fwdthinker, Thank you for your advice. I know that I must look for help and stability from "sure things" and my ex definitely does not fall into that category. I have not been calling a lot of my friends to ask for help because I do not feel like asking for help from my friends. I don't know if I want to leave myself a voicemail for myself. Right now, I am really seeking stability and comfort from the enotalone forum. I feel like I could depend on the people from the enotalone forum and I could really express how I feel through the enotalone forum without worrying about what they might think about my life situation(s). I would write letters and notes to my ex as if I am going to send it to him and that he is going to read it one day when in reality, only people on enotalone forum will read (if I want someone to read what I had to say to him). Notgivingup Hey, I am so sorry you had a seizure. What a scary thing! No wonder you are seeking stability and comfort now. The thing is as the others have said; look for that stability from "sure-things." Create a win situation for yourself. Even if that means "you" just talking to "you" about how frightening and painful that experience was! Another suggestion is to call your own voicemail, and talk "as if" you were talking to the ex. Let it be recorded. Then call your vmail back and let it play. It is therapeutic! And no danger to your already fragile sense of self due to the effects of the b/up. Link to comment
notgivingup Posted January 16, 2011 Author Share Posted January 16, 2011 Hi Thinkingin10s, Thanks for the advice. You are probably right, I will probably always have feelings for him. I am trying my very best to seek comfort from my real life friends and fellow ENAers as well. I have been really open and honest about my relationship with my ex on the enotalone forum and have gotten a lot of advice because of that. I have become really comfortable telling ENAers about my life. There are some things that fellow ENAers know about my life that my friends in real life does not. Oh yeah, my birthday is coming up in two days. I really hate the fact that my ex broke up with me a week before my birthday and during the week that one of my aunties on my mother's side is about to die in the hospital. It is really hard for me to stop myself from waving that sympathy card in front of my ex, because I really need him to be there for me right now. Sigh. Notgivingup you will always have feelings for him. but it is just a piece of who you are. find comfort in the plutonic friendships, because furthr emotional upheavel will affect your health more. Emotions are horrid little creatures. Be rational, not emotional. Sympathy points are often looked at as pathetic by the dumpers. Link to comment
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