GrowingUp Posted January 10, 2011 Author Share Posted January 10, 2011 I read all of this and I agree with you BUT I didn't get upset about my ex getting a tattoo just to control him. He claimed he was broke and had no money and he owed me money and he went and spent 300 dollars on that crap. I hate that guy. Link to comment
hers Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 I read all of this and I agree with you BUT I didn't get upset about my ex getting a tattoo just to control him. He claimed he was broke and had no money and he owed me money and he went and spent 300 dollars on that crap. I hate that guy. Well, regardless, I think big uproars are started for nothing, it seems. I do'nt recall the thread about the tattoo completely, so I may have been out of line to even bring it up as an example, but I don't remember the part about the money, just about how angry you were that he got one. But my point is that your feelings on things they do are your feeligns and what others do doesn't always have to do with you. And I'm glad to finally see you say you hate that guy Link to comment
GrowingUp Posted January 10, 2011 Author Share Posted January 10, 2011 Its okay I know what you were trying to say. I just feel upset because I feel like this guy is just wanting to have his cake and eat it too. I could be wrong it just upsets me...thats all. I REALLY want to give him a chance...I just don't want him thinking he can flirt and all this extra stuff. Link to comment
hers Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 And what happens if you find out you're wrong? What if he DOESNT cheat on you? What will happen? Will you continue to look for ways to be upset with him? And what will happen if he doesn't want to deal with your insecurities? He'll leave you. Either way, you're not making him happy and you're continuing to make yourself unhappy. GIVE HIM A CHANCE. Hobbies do not equal cheating and flirting. What if he was in a book club? Would you consider that cheating if he talks tot he women in that book club? You have to realize that he had a life before you and he can continue to have a life with you. Would you want anyone telling you you couldn't do something b/c it made them uncomfotable? Link to comment
capuccino83 Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 Its okay I know what you were trying to say. I just feel upset because I feel like this guy is just wanting to have his cake and eat it too. I could be wrong it just upsets me...thats all. I REALLY want to give him a chance...I just don't want him thinking he can flirt and all this extra stuff. I agree with hers. he's not wanting his cake and eating it too. That's what you are trying to do. He's not trying to flirt and stuff - he hasn't even gone out yet. And even if he did flirt with a few girls.. so what? As long as he's not bringing them home and cheating on you, it's fine. I don't know if you plan on being in a long term relationship, but it's a pretty tall (and impossible order) to tell someone that they can't have a friendly conversation with someone of the opposite sex for the rest of their life. Imagine the guy being like - I don't want you to talk to any guy ever again as long as we are together. And even past that, how do you define flirting? Like, I naturally like to compliment people - so I compliment everyone including guys. My ex thought this was flirting. I, in a million years, thought that I was flirting with the guys I was talking to, I was just trying to make people feel better about themselves. I mean, you really need to get a hold of yourself. Link to comment
Mercurial Girl Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 I personally do not think that most woman would put up with their man going to dance the bachata, meet new woman, and be friends with them afterwards. Maybe in a fairytale story, but not in real life! I would have no issue if my boyfriend wanted to dance and meet other women to form friendships with, in any club. Hell he could grind with a pretty girl for all I care. I wouldn't have been okay with it in the past, due to both my insecurities AND knowing in the back of my mind that I didn't have a boyfriend who I could trust. Now? He could be a regular at the strip club for all I care. Link to comment
LostLeo42 Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 Hobbies do not equal cheating and flirting, but hobbies that involve hanging out drinking in clubs with girls who are half dressed and drunk does lead to cheating and flirting. I don't expect my BF to be with me all the time, he has hobbies that don't involve me and I have hobbies that don't involve him. But be realistic here, there are healthy hobbies and there are hobbies that lead to problems. Years ago I had a BF that liked to go out with his friends on Friday nights. They used to go out drinking. I had a job as a waitress and was usually working. He swore it was innocent and that he never cheated. Well, one night I got out of work early and decided to see what he was up to - I caught him making out with someone, right on the dance floor! I had other BF's over the years that went clubbing with their friends and guess what - they all cheated eventually. I think OP is justified to be worried about this "hobby". Link to comment
hers Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 The clubs he's going to are not the typical dance club where people are grinding on each other and making out. The bigger issue here is not his hobby but her insecurities. Link to comment
Cheetarah Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 Let's face it. If a person is going to cheat, they're going to do it. All a club has the capacity to be is JUST another portal, IF that's the alleged cheater's goal. So is facebook. The grocery store. The gas station. The library. Anything is, when you get down to it. Link to comment
capuccino83 Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 I've had boyfriend that went clubbing that never cheated. And I've known guys that did not drink and did not go clubbing, that spent their weekends playing war of warcraft, that did cheat on their girlfriends. A large percent of the population cheats, but I think that the OP and anyone for that matter, is better of trying to develop a strong relationship with a guy so that he'll have less incentives to cheat and trying to get to know him as a person (they've only been dating for two months) rather than judge him on superficial activities that might or might not lead to cheating and that apparently, he's doesn't even engage in that often. It's not like he goes out every weekend. He hasn't been out in two months! Link to comment
LostLeo42 Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 Yes, people can cheat where ever, when ever. But the type of guys that continue to go clubbing when they are in a committed relationship are usually players - at least all the ones I know. Based on my over 20 years of dating experience, all the guys that I dated that were clubbers - I had problems with - not just cheating but one BF stood me up a few times, I found him at bars drinking. My current BF never ever goes to a bar without me - or drinks without me - its his choice. I don't care if he goes out. I am a woman with a lot of insecurities - and personally I have found that dating a guy that doesn't like to go out without me has made things much easier. We now have dated for so long that I built up a great trust in him and I really don't have any more insecurities regarding the relationship. Link to comment
capuccino83 Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 But the OP's boyfriend hasn't gone out yet. He was just saying that he does like to go out and she's freaking out about what will happen when he does and is planning on breaking up with him because he might go out in the future. Link to comment
bulletproof Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 Please end this relationship. There is no way this can be healthy. Even if you decide to work on your insecurities, it's not going to happen in the context of a relationship. It's not fair to him and it's probably not going to work that way. The majority of posters on this thread and others have agreed that he is going to a club to dance and that you don't really have a right to tell him to do otherwise. But you continue to cling to the opinions of a minority of people who say he should not be doing this. Just please let it end. Link to comment
GrowingUp Posted January 10, 2011 Author Share Posted January 10, 2011 If I recall correctly he says he mainly goes in the summer time. soo yeah summer will be the time Link to comment
capuccino83 Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 So you are fighting with a guy that you've been dating for two months and has done nothing wrong because in five months he's going to go out dancing? Do you see anything wrong with that perspective? Link to comment
GrowingUp Posted January 10, 2011 Author Share Posted January 10, 2011 The clubs he's going to are not the typical dance club where people are grinding on each other and making out. The bigger issue here is not his hobby but her insecurities. they pretty much are regular clubs...they just play a specific type of music I think. but they are clubs Link to comment
GrowingUp Posted January 10, 2011 Author Share Posted January 10, 2011 I would have no issue if my boyfriend wanted to dance and meet other women to form friendships with, in any club. Hell he could grind with a pretty girl for all I care. I wouldn't have been okay with it in the past, due to both my insecurities AND knowing in the back of my mind that I didn't have a boyfriend who I could trust. Now? He could be a regular at the strip club for all I care. You sure you're not saying that just because you're not in the situation? Would you really date a guy who went to strip clubs everyday? omg Link to comment
GrowingUp Posted January 10, 2011 Author Share Posted January 10, 2011 So you are fighting with a guy that you've been dating for two months and has done nothing wrong because in five months he's going to go out dancing? Do you see anything wrong with that perspective? When you put it like that it sounds ridiculous but thats not exactly whats happening here... Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 they pretty much are regular clubs...they just play a specific type of music I think. but they are clubs Go with him and check it out. Link to comment
GrowingUp Posted January 10, 2011 Author Share Posted January 10, 2011 You know whats funny? He told me he wanted to take me on our first date but I declined because I wanted to get to know him better and talk to him in a more quiet environment. Thats crazy..I forgot all about that. I can and will go check it out with him one day but it doesn't matter because I wont' be there a lot of the times.... Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 You just need to see what kind of places and people they are so you can ease your mind. Who knows, you might like it and want to go more often, without him. Link to comment
GrowingUp Posted January 10, 2011 Author Share Posted January 10, 2011 I'm not a club person so I doubt that. haha Link to comment
-Sanguine- Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 Why are you worried about this right now?? I think that says there is really a deeper issue here. If he was going out this weekend.. I could see why you'd be worried. But it's in months! A lot can happen in that time. I think you should get out of this relationship and do some work on yourself if you can't stop worrying about this. I'm not saying he's perfect, but I don't think you've given yourself enough time to heal and be happy being single. I went to see a counsellor 2 days after my break up. It was free and it helped immensely. I suggest you do the same.. it really does help! Link to comment
bulletproof Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 When you put it like that it sounds ridiculous but thats not exactly whats happening here... No, that is what's happening. You are going around in circles trying to get people to agree with you. Just end it and take care of your emotional issues. Link to comment
GrowingUp Posted January 10, 2011 Author Share Posted January 10, 2011 I'm not trying to get people to agree with me, I just sometimes feel like I'm overreacting. Link to comment
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