Am I a guy who should be hated?

[ltensail]

I've been through 2 love relationships. I like the feeling of courting a girl but not becoming bf and gf. Sometimes, after i'm sure the girl likes me(e.g. by telling me) and that she is willing to be my gf, my love towards her will decrease. Somehow, I know it. I'd stop doing romantic things for her, not trying to commit to the relationship or even "repel" her. However, sometimes we will be bf and gf but we don't last long. Could someone explain why is this happening to me? I don't even know what's happening in me. I've read books concerning Personal Well-Being and think that I'm a romantic perfectionist. I'm not very sure though. Could some relationship expert help me? I can never go into a close relationship.

[Gilgamesh]

I think there is a deeper issue here, beside just a commitment problem which it also is. it could be any number of things. the real hurdle is finding out what it is, and that could take a little time, see if you can find some local relationship counseling. I could speculate all night and not get it right. Aa counseler will ask you a whole lot of questions about your past and how you do other things, and from all that should be able to find the root of the problem.

[JonnyG]

How old are you?

 

It simply sounds like a commitment problem. U just don't want to have the pressure of fully going out with the girl.

[ggm]

What is your age? If you are young (under 25) that can be considered the major root of the problem. However, if you are older than that and still have this problem, seek counseling. I have been involved the past two years with a 47 yr old man who told me he doesn't know why, but he can't be with me anymore. He told me he doesn't want to break up, but he feels he must, as he can't have a relationship. The pain he has caused me is unbearable. The guilt he has caused himself must be awful, as his family and friends are very angry over his decision to drop me.

If you don't get over this you will just cause a wake of pain to women who touch your life and a lifetime of guilt for causing such pain. Don't do that to yourself and others. Get help.

[ltensail]

my age is below 25. yeah, i always feel that i don't wanna lose her but on the other hand, don't wanna become bf and gf. i don't why and i'm starting to feel guilty because of breaking their hearts.

[cp4200]

Aside from the usual afraid of commitment issue statements, there could be more underlying all this as several posters suggested, and age would give us a better clue here. However, over the years, I've noted that there are a lot of men who enjoy the chase, and once the fox is caught, the thrill is over and they want out to chase again.

 

There could also be personal issues such as not wanting to confront your own personal emotions. As long as we don't have to confront them, we can deny or overlook them, be they favorable or flawed.

 

You mention the word perfectionist, and there could be something to that just in the fact that you brought it up. We all seem to want the perfect woman, perfect relationship, perfect situation. That is human nature, idealistic and petty. Yet, reality slaps us in the face and says, it can't all be perfect. You have to focus on what is really important to you, and then compromise that perfectionist attitude.

 

You're not perfect, so why should you expect the woman you date or marry to be perfect and live together in a perfect world, when both of you have flaws?

 

So get some counseling, there is nothing wrong with that. At the least it gives you an objective opinion. However, find a counselor that fits, that is more intuitive, not regimented. There are two types, degreed and intuitive. If you can find one that is both, you will find a very successful and busy counselor, because they are good. They use their intuitive abilities as an aid to their education.

 

A note about counselors. Some of the best life counselors I have met have been psychics. They tell you what they see, not what they were taught. In fact, that is the true way a psychic (life counselor) should be consulted. Not to learn about the future, but about yourself and relationships. Don't go for the the ones that need birthdates, charts and other paraphenalia to interpret you. Seek out the ones who can talk with you, not chart you. You'll know the difference after a few visits to different ones. Many use cards to help prompt the client to define or develop questions, and many don't really need them. Ask them how they practice their ability.

 

The future is fleeting, and what can be predicted, can also be changed just by knowing of that possibility. It is often better not to know the "future", than to know. The saying ignorance is bliss, is very apt in fortune telling. You can get messed up looking/waiting for predictions to happen.

 

In the meantime, while you are looking forward, or in front of you for that prediction, something else happens. Life passes you by, for it comes knocking on the side and back door of life more often than the front door. What anyone sees into the future is symbolic more than anything else, and is interpreted according to experience. So it is not as simple as opening the book of your life and seeing it in black and white on the future pages of your life.

 

Didn't mean to get off topic, but the counseling issue is an important one. Knowing that we have alternatives and how to understand those differences has taken me over twenty years of experience, knowledge and mistakes with both types of counelors. I'm not perfect, nor is anyone else.....or a counselor for that matter. Hey, we're only human.

 

CP

[brokenpogostick]

My bf seems an awful lot like you in the aspect that he courted me briefly (about a month or two at the most) & during that time we fell in love and all that, but since then (about 5 months have past) it's like the honeymoon is over. No more romance, no more going out, no nothing.

 

I'm inclined to believe that he too, is one of those "chasers" that kind of gives up on all that romantic stuff after he realized that i was his.

 

Kind of sucks, would like to understand it better.

[cp4200]

Hey, Joshs badkitty

 

Perhaps you're right, but does he want out of the relationship? The honeymoon period is just what it says it is, a honeymoon. After that it's up to both of you to make a relationship work and continue the romance. Do you go out to romantic dinners, go dancing (and I don't mean just head banging rock n roll), attempt to do special things.

 

It is a two way street.............and relationships, like marriage are hard work. As one old saying goes, - honey, passion is highly over rated....it's what you can do with what's left over that counts.

 

CP

[Liquid Dream]

I think you may have problems with your insecurities .

I mean, maybe you just need to know that you have what it takes to have somebody fall in love/like with you,

It may make you feel more masculine to make girls go (gah-gah) over you.

Not trying to be mean, I'm sure plenty of guys are like this.

Good luck