Girl I'm dating, hanging out with ex (in group)

[ny guy]

This is more of a slight vent thread. I'm not really mad, just expressing myself I guess.

 

I've been dating a girl for about two months. Things are really good. She actually got out of a relationship about two months ago, guy cheated on her. She said she's over it, and she seems pretty genuine about it. She's been very up front, and so have I. Also, I broke up with my ex about 4 months ago, it was a long time coming, so it was quick for me to move on.

 

So, we've both decided to take it pretty slow with things. We have really great chemistry, right from the start, and the attraction between us is pretty electric. She is a really fun girl, and she has a LOT of things I've been looking for. And, she's got a good head on her shoulders and we both have a lot of the same values. Plus, she's so gorgeous to me. I really like her because it wasn't so much like a super attraction at first sight, but more once I got to know her, I really started to like her.

 

 

First thing. She asked one day about whether I wanted to be exclusive. Reason being was because one of her good friends had expressed interest in her (she did not previously date this guy). She said she's not interested, and I trust her in that respect. So she asked about exclusivity, and frankly, I thought it was too soon, only a few dates, and considering our situations, I thought it was best if we take things slow. I wanted her to take her time especially since she came out of rel'ship two months ago, same with me as well. She agreed.

 

We both find it hard to hold back sexually. We actually haven't done anything sexual other than great makeout sesh's and some heavy touching, but we both know that we want to take it further, but sex will wait.

 

 

 

Soooo, she said that one of her exes, a good guy friend, and girl friend came over. Actually she didn't ex say it right away, but she wrote I wish you were here. So I responded haha good =)...and she asked if I was worried, and I was like no, aren't they your good friends? Then she said that one of the guys was an ex. So, I was half joking and wrote 'should i be worried?' and of course she was said no and that she thought that I was bothered that she was hanging with the guys. I said that I just mean that it was good to hear that she wanted to be with me....

 

 

So, then she told me she was making some drinks at her house. I'm sure there were a bunch of people there, including the ex probably (I don't know). Then i got a text saying that she was on her third one.

 

 

It just kinda bothered me that she's drinking with this dude around. We've spoken about our exes, and I do know that she likes me a lot. We also both know that we aren't exactly exclusive at the moment. I know that I can't really say anything about this, but I guess my insecurities are kinda bubbling up at the moment. She was recently cheated on in her most recent relationship, so I'm sure she knows what it feels like. I guess I'm more just venting.

 

So, I should quit being a baby right? I do feel like I can trust this girl, but just having the alcohol in this situation bothered me, and knowing that she's a relative lightweight when it comes to alcohol. I have no intentions of making an issue or even a question out of this, but I just wanted to write and get it off my chest.

 

The thing is, I'm really starting to like this girl. I'm trying to hold back from exclusivity due to our situations for the time being. I really don't have any intention of dating anyone else at the moment.

 

 

 

EDIT: I guess my insecurity is due to the fact that I recently tried to date someone with a re-emerging ex and that went nowhere. I don't see this being an issue here, she actually told me that I'm so much different from the other guys that she's dated, diff in a good way. But, alas....insecurities...

[Glowguy]

You're doing the right thing. Just keep talking it slow and watch out for any heavy involvement with these friends. You haven't been dating that long and it seems like shes being up front with you. I do find it a bit weird that she asked for exclusivity so quickly. She did ask you if it bothered you and may have been willing to compromise with you about that situation but you shrugged it off. I would have done the same. I think time will tell if you have anything to worry about.

[arcadefire]

I personally would feel uncomfortable dating someone whose ex is still involved in her circle, and it seems relatively recent. I would be afraid that you are a rebound.

[ny guy]

Thanks, yea, I think I'm doing the right thing. I thought it was weird as well to ask so early, but I didn't make a big deal of it. Obviously a main reason for going slow is so we're both not rebounds for each other, which I said to her when that came up.

 

You're right, time will tell. I guess what makes it tougher is that she does live a decent distance away (40 mins), that coupled with work during the week, we haven't actually been out on many dates. Although we haven't been on many dates, from the beginning, it was like I knew her for a long time. Lot of chemistry and very comfortable, and a lot in common.

 

I guess that was an easy question, haha.

[ny guy]

I personally would feel uncomfortable dating someone whose ex is still involved in her circle, and it seems relatively recent. I would be afraid that you are a rebound.

 

haha, i literally just mentioned reboud before I saw your response.

 

That is why I'm taking it slow. She said that I have absolutely nothign to worry about with her exes previously. I know anything can happen when it comes down to it though. I'm pretty sure that this particular dude is just a guy that she's dated a long time ago, but I think I'll ask to make sure. I think that would be VERY telling. What do you think?

 

Hmmm...haha thx for the input.

[TidalWave]

Interesting. If it's that great between you two, why take it slow? Life's too short and time's running out. If you're not enjoying it fully now, you're missing out. And you're being fool. For if your relationship is bound to fail at some point, it will inevitably, sooner or later, do so.

 

Also, you don't have to trust people by default. Trust and respect have to be earned first. And she put herself in a very good situation to earn it, or not.

[ny guy]

Interesting. If it's that great between you two, why take it slow? Life's too short and time's running out. If you're not enjoying it fully now, you're missing out. And you're being fool. For if your relationship is bound to fail at some point, it will inevitably, sooner or later, do so.

 

Also, you don't have to trust people by default. Trust and respect have to be earned first. And she put herself in a very good situation to earn it, or not.

 

True, I just don't wanna invest too much just in case she does a 180 and goes back to her most recent dude. It happened to me before, so I just wanna try to protect myself a bit.

[FreedomRing]

I dunno and don't want to put ideas in your head, but my first reaction from reading that post was that she was trying to make you feel insecure or jealous. Why ask if you would be "worried" bc her ex was there? The idea wasn't even in your head - until she mentioned it. Why the play by play on making drinks, and how many she had? I would hope that anyone dating someone who is not present at the given time, MIGHT be concerned if they knew the person they are dating is hanging out not only with an ex, but also getting tipsy, thus, what would she hope to gain by TELLING you that, unless to make you feel jealous? Surely, she would know that would make you uncomfortable...

[ny guy]

I dunno and don't want to put ideas in your head, but my first reaction from reading that post was that she was trying to make you feel insecure or jealous. Why ask if you would be "worried" bc her ex was there? The idea wasn't even in your head - until she mentioned it. Why the play by play on making drinks, and how many she had? I would hope that anyone dating someone who is not present at the given time, MIGHT be concerned if they knew the person they are dating is hanging out not only with an ex, but also getting tipsy, thus, what would she hope to gain by TELLING you that, unless to make you feel jealous? Surely, she would know that would make you uncomfortable...

 

Dude, my thoughts exactly.

 

I called up my friend and was * * * * * in about this. We both figured since we're not really an item yet that it is what it is and I don't really have any right to complain about it.

 

I just spoke to her a little while ago. She said it was someone that she dated a long time ago, briefly after highschool into beginning of college. But it was a group of people, with her sister included in that group that she was drinking with. I told her I asked because I've been in situations where the ex came back into the picture.

 

Whatever, I'll file it away for now, see how things go.