He sent me an xmas text... and it gets easier everytime :)

[ImGrowing]

My ex sent me a text, and I responded back. But I responded back to everyone's xmas text. I didn't care about saying the "wrong thing." I didn't time myself to make sure I didn't text him too soon or too late. I just read his message, continued on with my day, and treated it like every other text. (I rarely text back right away.) When I had a chance to sit down and relax, I responded to his text, along with everyone else's.

 

I also realized that I am so much better off. I have saved up so much money, and I noticed that my ex wasn't responsible with his money. I probably would have been broke, if I stayed with him! But I have enough saved up for security backup. I feel better without him.

 

I finally released the grip that I had on him, and I'm letting go. Why? Because, I am happy. I have challenges in life, and always will, but I realized that I don't need him to help me through them. I can make it without him.

 

My advice to those who are still hurting:

1. Stay busy, even if it's forced.

2. Always always always look for ways to make YOU better

3. Write a list of what you want and don't want in a relationship, and what type of person you want and don't want to be with... and NEVER settle

4. When you're hurting... don't fight it. Go through the mourning process.

5. Don't rush into another relationship

6. Understand what you did wrong, and make sure you don't repeat it.

7. Understand what HE did wrong, and don't tolerate that in the next relationship

8. Realize that your ex is just one of the billions of people in this world. There's bound to be someone else for you.

9. Go through the HATE phase! Wish nothing but the worst for your ex. Hate your ex for putting you through hell and wasting your time.

10. When you've hated your ex enough, you'll calm down and eventually wish nothing but the best for them.

 

I'm at my final phase now...

forgiveness.

 

I know he didn't mean to hurt me. I know he didn't plan on leaving me, when things were great. I know he does not hate me. I've dumped people before, and I did it, because I felt like they deserved to be with someone who will love them the way they wanted to be loved. I couldn't.

 

Maybe my ex couldn't love me the way I wanted to be loved. Maybe he realized that and cared enough for me to let me go. I know for sure that I want to be with someone who will love me unconditionally, and if he can't, I don't want to lower my standards by waiting around for him. I deserve so much more out of a relationship

 

I know what I deserve, and knowing what I want and don't want, makes me a better and stronger person.

 

love yourself... always

[nihongo]

great advice. thank you for taking the time to write it!

[MasterPo]

Yes, very good advice. Similar to what I've been doing except the "hate phase". Can't seem to do it. Not moody or too emo just blah and I wonder if that phase isn't for me. I kind of jumped from disbelief to indifference to "I wonder what's gonna happen..".

 

However I'm not the slightest bit interested in searching for her on the net anymore, god that was a painful mistake. Nor are phone calls. I just don't want to know and I want to be done and actively live my life. I hate this aching nostalgic BS that rolls in every so often. It's different from the emo rollercoaster, can't say how though. Painful but it passes quicker. Thank god for endorphins.

[deepermeaning]

that's very interesting. congrats!

what did the text say?

[TidalWave]

I don't agree the 'hate' part is necessary. But as said, and as my sig says as well, love yourself, like the rest will do ;-)

[WockaWocka]

Great post! Love the steps. Congrats on your progress.