Back to business: 20, single, virgin

[warnerbro1]

Yep Kakster, I can relate quite a bit on the whole social anxiety bit.

I've been trying to work on it for a while now. I had the problem pretty much my whole life, but it has only become more apparent to me since the end of high school. High school was pretty much a waste of time and pretty lousy experience. I was extremely shy and overweight, that's pretty much what cause my problem. I started going to a community college about a year ago to finish my high school credits and go towards some sort of degree. Even though it was a little easier environment going to the college, I still had problems relating and opening up to people. People that don't know you think that you are cold, aloof, stuck up, weird, etc. The one thing I definitely needed to work on was getting over my insecurities and working on my self-esteem. As you know, pretty much for a lot of people, social anxiety and depression go hand in hand. It does for me anyway. The one thing I had control over, for the most part, was my health. I had been trying to lose the weight for the last year or so, with no long term success. I would lose some, then go back to my old ways. Finally, January of this year, I vowed to stick to consistent exercise and eating healthy. I've stuck with it and have lost over 60 lbs. since. It's definitely made my depression not so severe as it used to be. I used to cry my freakin' brains out before. No one would guess lookin' at me that I could have emotions like that. Well, I plan on going back to college this month, but I still feel kinda lost and depressed.

 

What's holding me back is having no job. The social anxiety is still controlling me quite a bit. Some days I feel real depressed and some days I think I have the courage to go collect apps. But then my irrational negative thinking starts up again. So I want to know, Kakster, how you have improved in the last 3 months and how did you overcome the fear of applying for jobs? Or did you ever have that fear? I've had a job before (courtesy clerk for a year at a grocery store, and a couple paper routes when I was younger), so I don't know why I'm having a problem this time around.

 

Anyway, congrats on improving your life!! It sounds like you are very optimistic about what the future holds for you!!

 

P.S. I too am 20, a virgin, etc...

And also, another problem I have is when you have social anxiety: When you tell people that you have it and explain it to them, they just say to get over it. People that haven't had social anxiety have no idea how screwed up it is for you mentally.

Ok, I'm done rambling.

[Shinobie]

[Read trying to give a good weakness on pills that help depression]

 

 

I have a feeling i found out how these pills dont work sometimes i think its caused by overwhelming stress and things that liek to trigger your depression.Like last night it was just a regular closing night at my restaurant.Like usual i was busting my butt to pick up for the slack of the others.

 

 

I gave him a perfect setup to do the dishes fast but he didnt....My boss was freaken out that day iono why hes usually really nice but he was treating me super strict and getting mad at me and im probably his best dishwasher.Then that night my friend said he would sleep the front when i did cooks line i did the cooks line really fast he said he was done with it and there was still food on the floor!!!!!!!!

 

 

It pisses me off seeing slackers.Then the stupid brother of my friend came in with his gf and he just started sitting down and he knocked cups over on the floor and everything was lame that night.He is the one that pushes sex on to his gf's and slacks himself at working and it was just making me so stressed out and mad because he has a gf and i dont and i do so much more then him!!! that is good.....

 

 

I just started wigging out cause i have had so much stress put on me that day and i have been doing everything.Things such as girls,work,and friends were just racing through my mind putting a lot of stress on myself.So i clocked out later and told them to do the rest their damn selves and then i ran down town for like 20 minutes because that is one of my stress relievers then i called to get a ride home came home really depressed went to sleep immediately and then woke up a lil bit better.

[Batman2004]

Hi Shinobe:

 

Don't let your brother get to you like that..I'm in the same boat as you are man 20 no gf nothing and I hate it just as much as you..

 

I read some of your previous posts within this topic and try to keep this phrase in mind with regards to your bro: "What goes around comes around"...See it as eventually all these girls that he's running around with and pressuring to have sex its going to catch up to him one day and the revenge will be sweet..those girls won't be hangin around him at all!..and he'll be sorry then

 

But bein single and all try not to let it get to you see the advantages..Like me for example bein single and working I save up all my $$ to pay my bills and for when I wanna buy things...You don't have to call someone and talk to them for hours runnin up minutes on a cell phone..Plus it gives you time to do whatever you want, I have all the time in the world now to myself I watch tv, read books, workout alot more cuz I am tryin real hard and lost alot of weight too!..

 

Do I have my days where I get real down? Yea you bet I think we all do but I try to get through it and I think you can too if you trust that medication your taking will work..I think if you take that with the mindset of its going to make you feel better you actually will feel alot better about everything thats going on..

 

Hope that helped you some feel free to PM me whenever to talk

[Kakster]

We all have those days Shinobie, it's harder for people like us though. But even people like us can get through them. My only suggestion, after reading all your posts is to learn to love yourself. How can anyone love you, respect you, want you, if you don't do so yourself already?

Also, I don't like working with people my age either. I like working with older people, because most of the time they have greater responsabilities.

 

Warnerbro- I decided to take the risks. Not big risks, but risks none the less. One thing (for me) was listening to different types of music. I think music saved my sanity in high school. It also helped me get over that certain lady (don't want to write her name again). The one risk that I took about 3 months ago was asking out a girl i had just met(basically a stranger). I knew that my chances were very slim, but took it anyways. I simply stated that I would like to get to know her better. Of course because of those odds she replied she had a boyfriend . Even though I was sad, I was also very proud. I walked out of the restaurant with a smile on my face. I didn't expect anything so there was nothing to be depressed about. Well... about a month and half after that I did it again. This time it was someone from work. She had told my friend that she was a lesbian. So once again, I didn't expect anything. But she said yes. I was terrified. To make a long story short, I initially fell for her (because she said yes) but later realized that she was not for me.

 

Took me a long time to find a job. Not because no one would hire me, but because I wouldn't turn in the applications. I would suggest you apply to a large store like Wal-Mart or Target. Not because they're great employers , but because they have those electronic application thingies, and i think target interviews you riht after you fill it out. You'll probably be able to find good friends there too. That's where I met my best friend. He's helped me out quite a bit, he used to be like me. Infact, he just recently got married, he was a 'german' until 28.

 

Oh and nice job on them 60lbs! I'm short and scrawny, so i'm having a hard time getting some muscle. Infact, at my old job, people used to mistake me for a girl (i had long hair at the time).

[Cassie]

Hi guys,

 

For those suffering from SAD (Social Anxiety Disorder), there is an excellent support network online. The community forums and chats have been invaluable for me, and perhaps might be something for you as well.

 

{{{{hugs to everyone this evening}}}}

 

link removed

[Kakster]

Thanks cassie!

 

Damn I missed that hug . I knew I should've been on yesterday.

[Shinobie]

Im gonna go for it guys i have been feeling so much better lately and i think im gonna actually try to instigate some conversation with a girl.She is pretty shy it seems like and she is actually pretty attractive.She glances over at me when im walkign into my class every morning and seems to give me that look like she might want to talk.

 

 

Plus she seems like the type of girl that has never had a bf and wh ha focused her time on school instead but shes seems to give me glances.Im gonna use some things Ated has told me to try to use when first talking with girls she has been a lot of help to me and plus with many otehr people like u padreamer and computerguy

 

 

Dont worry guys ill just monitor for like a couple of days if shes staring over still and stuff and seems interested.Then ill try to go up and talk to her and hopefully all goes great i might be nervous though but o well have to get that out of me.I feeel pretty enthusiatic about it and want to try it and i feel confident bout it.Wish me luck and ill try my hardest to do what u guys have been trying to get me to do.

[Outlaw2747]

There ya go homie! I have faith in you Shinobi, you are a man of morals and you seem to have defeated your fears and are very ambitious. I wish you well on your journey to happiness dude. I hope all the talking we did on MSN has finally paid off. And if this isn't the girl for you, don't worry about it, I am sure there are other girls like her out there. But as far as things seem, I am guessing you will develop some type of relationship with this girl which will be one you won't forget. Drive on my brotha'!

[Shinobie]

And thanks you outlaw for all ur help mang

[PAdreamer]

Shinobie I still have to stress your need for regular counseling if you're not already getting it. You "feel so much better" so often, and then you hit a rough patch and you have to start all over again! This is a very unhealthy way to live your life. Get the full medical and mental attention you need so you can fully recover faster without so much backsliding!

[Shinobie]

Ya i know im just an up and down moron lol good thing is that for like the last 2 weeks since school started i ahve been feeling great and hopefully it stays that way.Ive been seeming to get plenty of attention from girls lately for some reason this girl at work has been flirting a lot and smiling a lot but o well.And this one girl i wanna try to get to know and tlak to at school i think keeps looking at me.So hopefully things go just fine this school year with girls and stuff and ill give it a go and tell u guys how things r going and maybe hopefully if i get a gf then i can ask for advice but o well iono what will happen.And like many times i have said u guys have been such great help and i ty very much for helping me with myself u guys r awesome!

[PAdreamer]

I'm glad that you've been feeling better! But remember, life isn't only about chicks! Hahaha! Okay maybe it is! I can't say I mind being the center of attention where my man is concerned! Anyway, hope things continue to go well for you!

[johnagent1911]

Sorry guys I was kicked off the forum for a while... Anyhow I'm back. =)

[PAdreamer]

YAY! Welcome back John! How goes it?

[Shinobie]

Ya hey john! long time no see

[Outlaw2747]

I been talking to John while he was absent, we had some pretty interesting conversations. Hey bro, you didn't miss much but we got new guys joining one of the most popular forums here. But glad you have been "resurrected" so to speak. What's on your mind bro?

[johnagent1911]

Nothing too much... Just got done with my show and it went awesome. Blah blah blah. =) Anyhow I hope everyone is doing well I'll talk to you all soon.

[PAdreamer]

Hey! There's no "blah blah blahing" here pal! REALLY! How did it go?!

[Caldus]

LOL you guys should make your own forum.

[PAdreamer]

Yeah, but WHERE would we put it, eh? Hmm? Tell me that one, pal!

[Batman2004]

Hey just to chime in here how about under Finding Love and Soulmate just have them put another one up titled 20 , Nvr had a GF..will probaby be the most popular forum on the board

[johnagent1911]

Well PA it ran in the local news here... So I was on the news. =)

 

But anyhow it started like any other show. With me in the bathroom puking. I was so amazed at the turn out, and that I was actually be able to see the show come a live. I didn't get any photos per se' but I did get a news paper article (It was in the paper too. Maybe I can find some photos.) about it maybe I can scan it or something... Heh you guys might be able to see me for the first time. We'll see. =)

 

Um... We had great reviews and all that junk. The people loved us. (Who wouldn't?) The theatre looked bigger than it usually does. My dancing kind of sucked but the girl I was doing it with was awesome, so it kind of covered for it. I was HELLA funny. Most of the nights I had the show to myself. I like it that way. =) We as a cast worked wonderfully. If I can think of anything else I'll post it. I really worked the audience. I felt like a dirty street walker.

 

-John

[PAdreamer]

Very cool! LOL! How do people get so nervous before a show that they puke? I have never been nervous during auditions or performances. I just don't get it. *shrug*

[Caldus]

Stage fright...

[johnagent1911]

Well when you have so much riding on the show to be good. (Remember we wrote it.) The thoughts kind of get to you. Not stage fright but something else... Who knows. I don't puke all the time but some of the time I do. =)