Just found out....

[needsomelove]

After much pressure and constant questioning, my wife finally confessed to a 1 year, full blown, 'screwing in the grass', etc. affair. She's moving out soon. I have an email to a divorce attorney and plan to meet asap. This will crush my boys and her family. NO one suspected anything , but me. She's the model Mom and wife. Totally out of character.

 

I need her to tell my boys and her immediate family in the next few days. I'm not going to attend her family functions and pretend this sh*t didn't happen. At what point , is it OK to inform her coworkers, extended friend list and her lover's wife and kids ? I am a Very cool and calm person , but feel an overwhelming to lash out and be mean. Any insight and 'heads up' are appreciated. Thanks for listening.

[intolerable]

Wait, you lost me. What exactly are you planning to tell her coworkers, extended friend list and her lover's wife and kids? The divorce or her infidelity?

 

Stay strong.

[Live-N-Learn]

I am really sorry for your pain but I would not do anything until you calm down emotionally. There is no good that can come from telling the world that she has cheated on you. This is personal matter and should be on a need to know basis. How old are the kids? I hope they are old enough to handle that information. If not, please don't tell them.

[ForumGuy]

I agree, why do you need to tell them? I guess it would be to justify your actions which of course is understandable. Be careful with others feelings. What a downer

[gallop30]

i'm so so sorry to hear that.

if your kids aren't old enough to understand ,please don't tell them.wait a few more days to calm down.

 

i would tell her lover's wife about the cheating,she doesn't deserve such a scum in her life.

all the others leave alone for now,down the road they'll find out or you can tell them.

 

i understand that it's very hard to keep your composure in moments like this,but don't go berserk with the news,other people wouldn't understand it right away and they'll be weirded out by you.

 

who knows,she might make up her own stories that your pressuring her just made her tell you some lie so you'll leave her alone,and then you'll be the "psycho" husband in everybody else eyes. women are very good manipulators.

 

keep us posted my friend

[MuscleSpasm]

Wow, I'm so sorry to hear that.

 

I agree with the rest of the posters that you shouldn't go around announcing what happened to everyone. If it comes up, then go ahead and say it, but to go out of your way might make you look a bit unhinged (understandably so) and put others in an uncomfortable position.

I totally understand the need for revenge and totally demolish her reputation, but hey, at least you can tell her family!

 

Also, keep in mind that though she might have been a horrible wife, your boys still need their mother, so don't involve them.

[needsomelove]

kids are 23 to 28 YO............. a sleepless night, but doing OK. Thanks for the support.

[Calblee]

hi op,

 

i am sorry that you are going through this tough time.

 

it is normal to feel anger and that trust is already broken, you may want to get a divorce. but i believe you should give each other time to assess the situation and the actions. more importantly, find out the reasons for her doing it.

 

you also have a part to play in your wife actions so figure that out and if possible, talk it out with her.

 

i know this might be hard to hear at this moment but i believe it is for the best.

 

who knows, you may reconsider your decision after having a calm period away from each other and having a serious heart to heart talk.

 

if both of you are religious, use that as a helping aid to start the healing process.

 

i wish you the very best and god bless.

[needsomelove]

New news .... worse than I thought: Affair is full blown 2 x per week in his work office. For over a year. Seems half hearted about leaving him. Has continued to excercise with him each morning since this started. Say they'll not run together for two weeks. I'm pretty sure when you're having knock down wild sex twice per week, you can't just shut it off.

We'll see how this goes....

[HeartGoesOn]

I'm sorry to hear this. Have you consulted an Attorney yet?

[needsomelove]

today .. I see an attorney.. Any advice? i.e. retain only , then file later? Trying to get through the holidays for my adult boys sake. Then, make a move.

[needsomelove]

she's moving out in the next few days.... so much hurt and pain. I'm looking forward to healing and some hot love'n again some day. ;-)

[needsomelove]

final chapter...... after 6 months of ' trying to salvage' our marriage... it has ended. My wife is still madly in love with her married BF. His wife tossed his butt out a few weeks ago. And, he moved in with my wife. Signed the divorce papers last week. Thanks for listening and for all of the insight. I have my 3 boys and my life is starting to look good again................

[deavyin]

Jesus man, just read the whole thing. Thanks for keeping us posted on this. I can't even imagine how painful that must have been. These two people broke up 2 marriages for their own selfish needs. I know she was your wife, mother of your kids and someone you loved but F her...that is some really messed up stuff to do to someone.

 

I can't believe the audacity of some people. To go behind peoples backs and do something so horrible...especially when you have children. Have you told your kids yet about the infidelity. I wonder if I could ever forgive my own mother for something like that.

[needsomelove]

My boys know....not happy, but are dealing with it. I'm not bitter and I'mb feeling the anger / pain leaving my body a little each day.

 

Life will be good again!

[LP90]

Man, to me cheaters are the most lowlife people there are. The extreme disrespect you must have towards someone to cheat on them and for so long just makes me furious. If you arent happy with the relationship, break it off and do whatever you want after. But lying to your partner and for over a year makes me sick to say the least. Im extremely sorry you had to go through that, i know the feeling. Seems like you are staying strong though and will make it through just fine. You are right, life WILL be good again!

[Oneironaut]

I'll go one step further and say cheaters who have CHILDREN are even more lowlife. They don't give an airborne rodent's rear-end about the fact that their selfishness is going to cause lifelong emotional damage to their children...nope, screw the kids, I want to get LAID.

 

I am so sorry, but glad to hear you are starting to heal. Good luck to you and your boys.