NOTHING is EVER GOOD

[MissJBug]

I need to vent...

 

Things have been going so bad latley. As my teen years go by. It seems like things just keep getting worse. I had such a great time as a kid, but now that Im older I am starting to realize how bad things are. My dad was a firefighter, come to find out 25 years later that he has a very bad case of Hepatitis C. We went all over the freaking globe to get him a liver, just to get screwd over by doctors. As we still wait for one my dad seems to loose his memory more and more, and its like he is 3 years old. My mom doesnt like her life, she has to watch my dad all the time so that he doesnt burn the house down. She never liked herself and she had a very bad childhood and theres NOTHING that I can do to help it. ANother thing is, my grandmother (dads mom) is such a b!tch, (long family story) lets just say she called my mom one day saying "shes going to put her in a body bag if she ever blah blah" whatever... but, now were all talking and being good to eachother, and my gram yells at her for no reason, But the only reason my dad talks to her is because shes really rich and buys my dads love. (theres nothing we can do to change that).

 

Ive been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years now. We went through a really rough time acouple years ago, in which he hurt me very bad, only to realize that he loves me very much and sometimes he shows it. Lately hes been very busy with the Academy (police). And now hes a police man. He also works on the side, because hes a very motivated person and likes to get money. I dont work yet because Im waiting for him to give me his car so that I can get a job and so on. Anyway.... what Im saying is. He always does things for his mom and dad and everyone. He never gets a break. Hes always going places and doing things for everyone else. HE finally gets a chance to hang out and what does he do... He joins a club for fitness (hes a builder)... and is starting to work out. When he could be hanging out with me.

 

Dont bother telling me to talk to him about it, because we do hang out. I would just like to hang with him a whole day once... instead of 2 hours of taking his mom somewhere... than hanging with me, than going to HIS BANK, than DRIVING HIS BROTHER SOMEWHERE. Than he has to go to work. I dont get it!!

 

ANother thing, I talked to him about "looking at other girls", he tells me that I am to stressed out and that he doesnt look. And I told him that, It makes me feel like sh!T. (im insecure). I guess its because he never reall told me out of the blue one day "u look nice jess"... And all the sudden hes starting to say it 3 years later and Im like "yeah ok". We were suppose to go to Mexico a month ago but now hes a cop and cant take off... ANd he said He promises we will go to Florida...NOW WE CANT! (i hate those little things)

 

I dont know, Im just.... on the breaking point. He is one in a million, and Im a b!tch to him most of the time, but everytime hes somewhere with this one kid I always think hes doing something bad. When he is with any other of his friends I dont care, but just this one kid that ahh.

 

I dont know, Im sorry to blab on like this, its just not looking good for me right now in my life. My boyfriend tells me I look for the worste in everything.

 

WHy...BECAUSE nothing has ever turned out good for me and my family. No body knows how truly bad my familys life is, until they live there. My boyfriend is my strength, but sometimes. I just... want to crawl in a hole and never come out.

[johnagent1911]

My mom killed herself, and my father is no where to be found. True story.

 

.

[talo]

Hi Jess,

 

You end your post by wanting to be in a hole and never coming out, and yet your post appears to be about being in a hole and never coming out.

[MissJBug]

meaning?

[guitarman]

You are right .... no one will ever understand your situation and you don't expect anyone else will. And your boyfriend is right .... based on what you shared, you ARE seeing the worse in everything. And if this carries on ... you will find everthing else taken away from you.

 

There are 2 kinds of problem in this world. One is the kind that is solvable, another is the kind that is unsolvable. The way to solve a solvable problem is ... as you expected ... to SOLVE IT! And if the problem is unsolvable .... then the only thing you can do is to ... LET GO! The worse and i repeat the worse situation you can bring yourself into is a situation that you have a problem that is unsolvable and you refuse to let go!! Which I presume is exactly the situation you are in now.

 

There are a couple of things you can't change. Firstly, your Family History and background, secondly, your Family themselves!! To let go doesn't mean you don't care!! But it means that you have to stop looking into self, stop expecting something from them!

 

I don't exactly understand your background, but I come from a poverty cursed family too. Although I admit I don't come from a situation as bad as yours, but i do believe there are many people who's situation are far more worse than yours. And when you get to know that ... it's when you get to see how fortunate you are to have a what you have around you.

 

Now in your situation .... it seemed to me that all you see is a problem. Problem problem and more problems ..... You have written yourself a list of expectations from your Family, grandma, Boyfriend, Boyfriend's friends, etc. But have you ever thought of what they expect from you? Have you ever thought of what they would say if they discuss about you over dinner?

 

If you want money .... work for it. You want a car ... buy it. You want respect ... earn it. You want happiness .... laugh it out. I think it's time you re-evaluate your life and start to think about how useful you are to the people around you.

 

Expectation results in Disappointment ....

 

A merry heart does good like Medicine ....

 

Give and don't expect .... just be happy ...

[Celadon]

There are a couple of things you can't change. Firstly, your Family History and background, secondly, your Family themselves!! To let go doesn't mean you don't care!! But it means that you have to stop looking into self, stop expecting something from them!

 

MissJBug, wow, you really are going through some tough stuff in your life, and I'm sorry to hear about your dad. I hope he gets the liver he needs.

 

I think guitarman is giving really good advice, about letting go of things that are a constant disappointment. When we keep expecting things of others, and they're not giving them (or can't give them because of their own limitations), it's like trying to get blood from a turnip. What we want just isn't there.

 

It does seem unfair. It's unfair that people around us are selfish and not more loving. It's unfair your grandma is lashing out at your mom. For me, it's unfair that I spent so many years caring about my ex but he took me for granted and chased after someone else.

 

Focusing on unfairness is a never ending cycle. People who focus on unfairness will never be happy. Never. They just find something else to pick on because life and people will never be perfect. That's not a life you want to choose, is it? It's not what I want, even though I'm tempted to think that way.

 

There is the saying, "When life hands you lemons, make lemonade." Forget that!! Throw away the lemon and reach for the orange. Let go of what you don't want. The only thing is, don't expect someone else to hand you the orange. You have to accept the fact that you will go after it yourself. That may sounds like too much work, but if you can adopt that attitude, you'll feel freer and happier in the end.

 

Take care.

[talo]

meaning?

 

 

 

 

 

You have what you want.

If you want something else, change your mind.

What is 'out there' is not separate from what is 'in here'.

The view is the mindset.

 

We live in a magic world.

The setting of the mind is the setting of the stage.

Is the staged setting a hovel or mansion?

It is all the setting of mind.

[MissJBug]

But have you ever thought of what they expect from you? Have you ever thought of what they would say if they discuss about you over dinner?

 

They discuss nothing about me, because unlike everyone else in my family. I dont drink. Do any drugs what so ever. Or do anything to hurt anyone. I admite sometimes I want to sit around and drink a beer, but I have much more self respect to find another way to vent my problems.

 

I dont want to critisize anyones thoughts but, dont tell me to "FORGET IT"... when every day I wake up and have to show my dad - a 52 year old man - to go to the bathroom the right way. Feed him his food, and get him dipers. Unfair, yes! But It seems as if you are all calling me selfish, when I am nothing but good to everyone else.

[talo]

...every day I wake up and have to show my dad - a 52 year old man - to go to the bathroom the right way. Feed him his food, and get him dipers.

 

Dear Jess,

Are you and your mother the sole caregivers for your father? Is there no government paid assistance with this where you live?

[MissJBug]

First, my mom fought for them to pay for the pills he has to take etc. Than they said we have to go to CHicago because he is ready for a liver transplant. We went there... NOTHING HAPPENED. Than acouple months later they said in Milwakee that they had a liver for him. WE went up there for 2 months. (nothing happened). Our doctor (which we are switching because he is just a bad doctor) Has made us go to so many different places. I want my mom to sue so bad because he promised my father a liver transplant. But there is no written proof that he said those words. The government said they would pay for it, I guess because they thought he would never get one. Than it came time to do it, and it took them so long to pay.

 

If you dont know how the government is now. Than your missing out on a lot.

 

They had us driving all over the world. Getting our hopes up for a new turn in life. A new liver. My dad can finally be human.

 

And nothing happened.

 

THATS why i have no faith anymore. No one really cares. No one cares about anyone but themselves. Those doctors could care less if my dad was dead or alive!

 

Its SICK but its the TRUTH, and theres nothing I will believe to change that!

[Celadon]

It seems as if you are all calling me selfish, when I am nothing but good to everyone else.

 

Naw, MissJBug, I don't think you're selfish. I'm sorry you took my thoughts that way. I won't bother to reply to your posts anymore, though, since it seems to upset you. Peace.

[talo]

Dear Jess,

 

I take your answer to mean that the day to day care of your father is solely up to you and your mother. Between you both you earn all the income for the household and run it without any respite.

 

What would happen if you left home (even just to give you a break)? I am wondering if there is any government agency that would send a government paid caregiver into the household for a prescribed time each day to assist in the day to day caring for your father. This is what could happen in New Zealand (where I live) in a similar situation.

[MissJBug]

Oh man, just when i think things cant get any worse....

 

My dad was never there, He was always drinking, at work (firefighter) or at camp. Sometimes he even got my sister and I's name mixed up. He's here with us now because he has to be, because hes sick. My mom wants to get away so bad, but doesnt want to leave him alone, because If she does... He will die indefinitally. I found a long time ago that he cheated on my mom many times. But until this year *i turned 18* my mother told me something this week that would change my view of him forever.

 

She told me this "jessica if something ever happens to your father, if he ever dies, I need you to know this because, these people will be at the funeral"... I said ok. And she broke the news to me that the times he cheated on her... He had 2 kids by 2 different girls. So I have a brother and sister.

 

I asked her where they were and how come they dont come around. And she said "he doesnt want anything to do with them. His son called a week ago and told him he had a grandson, and your father just said "im glad for you" and said goodbye and hung up.

 

Im upset at his actions. What if I was one of those kids he left behind. I use to watch shows that rtry to reunite family and when the other person wouldnt want to reunite, I use to feel so bad. That there only mother/father doesnt want anything to do with them. Now, everytime I am around my dad. I feel this big wall around us. (he doesnt even know I know, and my mom told my sister when she turned 18, and my told him that my sister knew...and all he said was "ok")

 

LIKE HE DIDNT EVEN CARE!

 

I dont know if things will be different when he finds out I know. But I know from this moment on, I will never feel the same about my father again.

 

This is just something that is added on to all the things in my life.

 

And when I thought things couldnt get worse.................

[guitarman]

I'm truly sorry for the situation you are in .... if I could be there right now .... I'll give you a big Hug ... .*Hugz*

 

But I believe if you know the right thing to do .... just press on and don't give up ... you will not stay in desolation forever!! @@)

[spiderman_56]

You wanna know the truth that I learned ... life sucks ! , nothin works the way you want them to work out , I wish certain things but the truth is that they r some of them I can't have , I wish some of my folks think , be nice and that people care about each other , but it's not the case ....

 

The only thing about life is that you will get opportunites to make good things happen , get something good going on for you and around you and be at peace with yourself ..and those things you are the only one that can get them for you and no-one else will ...

 

Life is like a desert ..everybody wish that they live in an oasis with everything at hand reach but that's not how it is ... so be ready to face the desert , 'dress lightly' , get yourself some water and the proper attitude and soon you will realise that even in the hottest desert ..there are wonderful things about it...

 

peace... 0X