Very Upset...preferably need a guys point of view but open to all...please!

[EchoEcho]

"Thank you for your honesty. I apologize if I gave you the impression that I wanted to be in a serious relationship. That's not something I usually decide until I really get to know someone. I was having fun, enjoying your company and taking it one day at a time. I must admit, I'm a little confused b/c you said you were happy with the way things were going and excited as to where they were headed. Not sure what changed, but if you need your space, I understand

 

I like this and I think you should keep it as is. Adding something to the end about whether he wants to continue will only hurt you in the long run. If he does want to keep seeing you, he'll contact you. If he doesn't, he isn't worth the time. Stay strong.

[DylanNotorious]

I think he was letting you down gently.

 

I think he does like you, but does not want a relationship with you. I think he's keeping his options open and wants to play the field. Just my opinion.

[Smile1607308089]

I think he was letting you down gently.

 

I think he does like you, but does not want a relationship with you. I think he's keeping his options open and wants to play the field. Just my opinion.

 

What could've changed? He was like a smitten 16 year old in the beginning...so excited and happy and totally acting as if he wanted a relationship. What I don't understand is that I let him have his space, I was cool around his friends, I did not push it or try to prevent him from hanging with his friends. He could've had time for his friends, time for me, and had the best of both worlds. The last thing I wanted to do was make him feel pressured. He is 32 years old and I know he wants a relationship and to settle down at heart. He thought I was a great catch and then...boom...he decided he no longer wants a "serious relationship"...WITH ME.

What could I have done or said to make him change his mind? I honestly believe the ex is not involved in this.

[annie24]

I don't know. But I've seen this happen a lot. Maybe the thrill of the chase was gone for him? He knew he could have you, thus he lost interest? Maybe inviting him to the wedding wasn't a great idea. Personally, I don't believe in taking a man to a wedding unless he is a long term bf. Otherwise, I think it puts too much pressure.

 

Anyways, I think time and space will help here.

[professorplum]

Smile

I would definitely send it as it is and then do nothing. You sound like me - I am constantly thinking of what ifs and about this woman who dumped me in October. We still have contact because we email and we also work together. I am limiting my contact and trying to remain aloof and it does make a difference. When we do see each other she is much more interested in me , asking how I am etc and asking questions. There are so many relationship questions I have for her still but people have said not to dwell on this. If you do meet someone else then great but I now realise you give yourself the best chance by being mysterious and getting them wondering.

He will come looking if he wants to. I once had a girlfriend contact me for a meal 2.5 years later [when I was living with another woman]. This was after she said there was no chance it would ever happen and I had sent her many letters asking for another chance when we first split - then she just ignored them. There is always hope but you have to remain realistic and get on with your life. You sound as if you have done nothing wrong. So send the text and then do nothing. Let us know what happens.

[annie24]

Ps- you said in your text to him "not sure what changed.". He might explain it to you.

[diamond78]

I'm pretty late to this, but you have received some pretty solid advice. And no way do I think you are being ungrateful here.

 

Truth be told, the text he sent is what he should have said to you in the very beginning before all the dates started to happen, so you could have decided for yourself if this is someone you wanted to date and get involved with...

 

Now all of a sudden it's become complicated.

 

I think the initial text is fine but do not ask him if he still wants to see you on a slower basis. Frankly, from this point forward he's going to have to show you that he wants to spend time with you and develop a relationship with you if he ever reaches that point.

 

I would back off completely unless he started to step up his and game and show that he wanted ME.

 

And at this point in time, I would not think about sleeping with this man anytime soon, if at all.

[Smile1607308089]

I cannot express how thankful I am to have this forum and all of your sound advice. When I am reading and writing on here, it gives me a few moments of peace...an escape.

 

Please bear with me...I spoke to my dad today...everyone else I've spoken to outside of cyberspace has been female. My dad's advice was to keep my response to this guy short and sweet. He said that the text he sent to me was pretty clear he doesn't want a relationship with me...even if he seemed like he did in the beginning. He said to say something along the lines of "I enjoy your company too and wish you nothing but the best".

I never sent the other text, I was waiting it out to make sure I chose my words wisely.

 

I am dying to know what changed with the guy...and also want him to know that I wasn't necessarily diving head first into a relationship...and I want to remind him that he was the one who was all "relationshipy" in the beginning.

 

SO...before I finally respond to this guy, what do you think of what my dad said? Keep it simple and vaigue, or write what I wrote yesterday?

 

Thanks...

[professorplum]

I would stick with the original text. You are not losing face or sounding needy by sending that but it enables you to say something more than 'all the best' and it leaves the door open for him to pursue you if he wants to.

[annie24]

I like the original text as well, because it it still short and sweet, but it leaves the door open to continue dating and for him to explain what has changed. your dad's version i think closes the door.

[professorplum]

PS You may never know what changed with this guy - he may choose not to tell you ever or he may not know himself. Peoples attitudes and feelings change unfortunately and sometimes it is not possible to analyse why. I genuinely think if you can play it cool that you will hear from him again. I hope you do but try not to rely on this too much otherwise there is this tendency to put your life on hold. This is what I have done and it sucks.

[diamond78]

Actually after re-reading you guy's initial text again, I believe your father's advice would be the best move here.

 

If this guy wants you, he will pursue. However, his text is basically saying "I want to have fun, but without any real attachment." I would not be cool with that.

 

Also, your dad's text will clearly illustrate that you weren't diving head first into a relationship and he knows he was the one who was all gone-ho about dating because that's made clear in his text to you.

As far as knowing what changed, I doubt he will tell you the real reason behind it all.

[ImNotYourBabe]

I wouldn't even respond to the text, it seems like he is trying to let you down easily.

[bostonbruins44]

I don't think you should respond to the text.Unfortunately he can't or isn't willing to provide what you are looking for ..Time to focus on someone who is legitimitely interested and stop wasting your time on this guy.

[FreakAndUnique]

 

Totally right. Remember you have done nothing wrong; he is the one that needs to explain himself. Be strong.

 

Maybe a polite telling that you are not interested in a casual fling while he gets over his alleged "problem".

[Smile1607308089]

Totally right. Remember you have done nothing wrong; he is the one that needs to explain himself. Be strong.

 

Maybe a polite telling that you are not interested in a casual fling while he gets over his alleged "problem".

 

 

Thanks. Day 3 and still have not replied. Probably will do today. Unfortunately, I've been stressing about what to reply all this time...it is unhealthy; I know.

 

The problem is that I am not 100% sure what his text means. Does it mean he does not want to see me anymore at all? Or is he feeling scared and was he letting me know his true feelings to see my reaction and perhaps he wants to still see me, but slow it down based on how I react.

 

I was thinking of now saying "No problem, I have a great time with you too. If you want to hang out again, no pressure."

 

Or..."Hey no problem, I wasn't looking to rush into anything. I have a great time with you too. If you want to hang out again, give me a buzz." Or something to that effect.

 

My brother in law told me not to show defeat and to keep it cool and make him wonder. My problem is that, like I said earlier, the guy is the one that was saying all those relationship things. I want to know what changed his mind and I am wondering if I should say..."You were the one who said all those things in the beginning...I am confused as to what changed"...but I'm not sure if that will make him think I'm pathetic or push him away. If I say No Problem, it's like nothing the guy said in the beginning meant anything to me. I am torn between being nice and leaving the door open for communication, or being strong and vaigue.

In all honesty, I am really angry that he lead me on like that because he was so caught up in the moment and then did this to me. Should I tell him how I feel or no? If there's any chance this could work, I don't want to scare him off.

 

Man oh man, I am tiring myself! ](*,)