How to get my girlfriend back?

[Dominick]

Let me rephrase my last comment. It's the not knowing thats unbearable and then waiting with the unbearable not know feeling on top of that, makes it much harder...

[Dominick]

Another part that's makes it unbearable, is that my heart has opened up and I feel all these strong feelings of love towards her. I'm worried she's going to say no, and the pain I will feel. But then I guess that's par for the course, because I have hurt her....

[Dominick]

Well, I tried giving flowers, because I thought it wad a good idea... they were sent to her a 1:40pm its 7pm now and I haven't heard anything... guess you were right superdave. I'm thinking since she hasn't responded to the flowers, maybe I should give her her space and let her call me now, cause I feel like I've done all I can do. What does every think?

[30yrold]

Well, I tried giving flowers, because I thought it wad a good idea... they were sent to her a 1:40pm its 7pm now and I haven't heard anything... guess you were right superdave. I'm thinking since she hasn't responded to the flowers, maybe I should give her her space and let her call me now, cause I feel like I've done all I can do. What does every think?

 

Sorry to hear that. Now all you can do is give it time. Try to focus on yourself, and find some comfort in the fact that you made an effort.

[Dominick]

I've been thinking of the flower idea for about a week now. I thought it would be a special gesture. I'm just going to back off now and like you said 30yrold, give it time. It appears that what she needs too. It's weird though, last night she called after she got off work at 11pm. It's so confusing... I appreciate everyones advice though. Thank you very much.

[Dominick]

Well she got them after she got of work and sent a txt just saying , "thank u for the flowers. while I was at work. I sent one back saying you're welcome. and her next response was shes going to bed cuase she has to wake up early for work... I tried calling her, she wouldn't answer, but then responded to my next txt... It made me feel like she's avoiding me. How would you take this?... Sorry if my post sound stupid, or if my questions appear obvious. This is just a super stressful time and although its nice to have friends to talk too, I don't always want to bother them with my problems. So i figure this site will help.

[Ms Darcy]

Well she probably is avoiding you somewhat since you aren't together anymore. Don't let it hurt your feelings.

[bungalo]

They don't call him SUPERDAVE for nothing. Time will tell Dominick. Regardless of who did the dumping, I have heard this from girls and read it quite often: gifts (flowers) when you're split up can be seen as manipulation or as a means of control. This is not a given, so I'm not saying give up or anything, but I believe it's time to back off and if she wants to reach out to you, she will..then take it from there.

[Dominick]

To make a long story short, she sent me a few txt tonight and one of them was at 9:11pm. That just happens to be the time when I first told her that I liked her and cared about her. So I told her that she sent the txt at 9:11. She replied with " lol I then said, "that's the time when I told u I liked you and care for you. That was one of the best days of my life." And she replies, " the night at the fort, after mcminamins?"... so I proceed to text about that night and the great time we had being together... she didnt respond to that. So I sent a last txt saying, "sorry, don't mean to make u feel uncomfortable, or make u feel pressured..." by her last response though, it makes me feel like there's hope....

[thekid55]

The only way to get her back?

 

Stop texting her. Let her come to you. You de-value those moments if you keep bringing them up.

 

You are only pushing her away with the texting.

[Dominick]

What if she txts first? My intention on bringing up the past, was to remind her of how great that night was and hope maybe the feelings she had then will resurface and remind her of what we had and can have again.

 

I know some people say leave her alone. Let her come to you. I understand what you guys are saying. It will make her miss me and want me more. I don't know If you guys have read all the post though. It was me who told her, I wanted to see other people and that I had another girl in mind. It was me who made her feel unwanted. So if I just leave her alone and let her come to me, won't she just feel like, oh, he doesn't want me again, or, I knew he was just full of BS when he said he wanted me back. This is my concern about the whole leaving her alone thing...

[thekid55]

If you have made your intentions clear on multiple occasions and she still says no, give her some time.

[bungalo]

If you don't leave her alone and I mean NOW you will blow any future chance with her, the only way I've ever gotten an ex to come back is by leaving her alone for a long time...read some threads. You are only pushing her further away. Do not initiate contact or reply to her for 30 days then revisit when you're not desperate

[Dominick]

This Is going to be a stupid question, but I'm going to ask anyways. If I do leave her alone, what do I tell her then when she says she hasn't heard from me and asks why I haven't tried to contact her? Because judging from our past experiences, she will ask. She'll think I'm upset with her about something. I'll even go as far as to say, she'll think I'm not contacting her because I'm upset that she didn't come back to me as soon as I would have liked her too. Which is one of the things she is worried about, that after a couple weeks or a month goes by, I'm going to get upset and want to leave her again. This is one of the things she is weighing in her mind, when shes trying to decide if she wants to get back together with me and I'm trying to show her that she doesn't have to worry and that she can trust me.

[thekid55]

If you look at what I bolded, you are WAY too concerned about what SHE is doing and what SHE thinks.

 

If she asks why you haven't talked to her, you tell her that you are busy with X,Y, and Z. You have a life too outside of her.

 

I wrote post a few days ago about putting yourself back on YOUR pedestal. Give it a read.

 

 

[Dominick]

Great post! Thanks You!

[CRCfem]

The kidd55, I agree with u to an extent.. I think Dominick's context is slightly different. He was the one to initiate the breakup an place confusion in her mind. Your post i feel applies to those that have been unvalued by their ex-partners, and so they have to learn, the way you described so articulately , in your thread. If anything, Dominick's ex should read that thread!

I

Feel in this case, Dominick has to try his chance at absolutely convincing her that he places more value than anything on her. If he realised and knows that pursuing her again is not a whim or just a result of his insecurities(eg not being alone), then I feel he has, he must do his best to show her this. Again, pestering her could alienate her. Thats why I suggested conveying her a message of calm, understanding, but determination to prove to her behind any doubt that he is serious. We all make mistakes, and I feel we should have a good go to redress this one. If Dominick just plays hard to get, eg let time decide, I feel that is only a game. Honesty is his best card here. In a way, by her replying to him texting that she's got the flowers and she's goin to sleep etc, shows that she is wanting to

Believe him. But just believing, wanting to believe , is not enough. She is looking to facts now, an she has allowed him to have an avenue with her. I * thinking from my perspective, if I was baffled and left hurt and confused by someone I put my whole trust on, I would so 2 things:

1. Either blank them completely

2. Or blank them, But also tell them to sod off or I'll cAll the police

3. Or wait on the fence to see how thy behave next, because deep down I'm longing to be understood in the hurt that they caused. I would be civil with them, even warm, but try ti be very neutral in interactions. Eg what she did , by texting him and by also letting him know where she is at this moment in time.

4. Or completely jump in their arms, in which case I'd do better to read thekid55's post asap.

 

My 2pence...

[thekid55]

I understand your thinking. But remember, relationships take two. Dominick has really started show her that he is sorry and is regretting it.

 

Sometimes, people just need space to clear their minds and maybe she needs to do that right now.

 

Just imagine if you were confused about a situation. If someone kept trying over and over to 'convince' you of something, you'd eventually become annoyed. At least I would be anyway.

 

Dom has made attempts. I think he should scale it back a little.

[CRCfem]

I agree, thekidd55. He shuldnt alienate her, as then it becomes "it's all about him and his regret". Steady does it

[Dominick]

Thanks CRCfem and thekid55. Thats makes sense about not over doing it. It will just push her away, cause she does need her space. She has been a bit neutral and after I sent the flowers she's only been txting, not calling. I appreciate all of your help. This site is awesome, I'm glad I stumbled into it.

[Dominick]

I've been thinking of what everyone is saying about giving Linsay some time to think and sort out her feeling and the question popped up, how long should I wait for her to decide? I care for her deeply and would love to be back with her, but I also know I can't just wait and let my life pass me by if it takes too long for her to decide... It's been two weeks tomorrow, since I've told her I want her back and that I deeply care for her. I know she is hurt and she's sorting out her feeling for me, but how long should I wait?

[Dominick]

Another question has popped into my mind too. Why is it that before I sent the flowers this Tuesday she was calling me, and after the flowers she only sends txt?

[thekid55]

Another question has popped into my mind too. Why is it that before I sent the flowers this Tuesday she was calling me, and after the flowers she only sends txt?

 

You are just over-analyzing. It's normal. Don't read too much into it. If she didn't reply at all, well that would tell you a lot.

 

Time is your friend in this situation. Remember 'Love is patient. Love is kind'

 

Give her time and it'll work out.

[Dominick]

I was wondering too about the whole being friends thing.... I've told her I want her to be my girlfiend and she mentioned just being friends and seeing what happens from there. I've read a lot of things that say a guy should never settle for just being friends. It that true? What do you think theKid55?

[CRCfem]

Being friends with her might relaxe u both (mostly her, it's likely it will fire u up more towards her), as se sounds like she does need the time to consider other things