Does he care for me in a more than coworker way?

[rose35]

My coworker actually wound up making out one night . We went to his place which i have been at before but with other coworkers. He would have slept with me if i wanted to take things further but i just can't do a one night stand thing. It would make me feel worse. So it was basically alot of kissing and i would say pg13 maybe a little nc17..nothing completely major in my opinion.

 

He came over to me the next day asking if we were cool which i said yea and we dropped it.

 

I know it wont go anywhere because it is work and maybe he just doesnt like me like that..but i guess i like the feeling that he may think of me in a romantic sense at times. I was able to let it go and now i feel distracted again by it

 

Is it meaningless?

[WockaWocka]

It's difficult to tell. He probably has some level of interest or attraction but he's not actively pursuing you. The makeout session sounds really sweet but you say it was obvious it wasn't going to be pursued more. Can you clarify what you mean?

 

Workplace crushes can be fun but you are right to be hesitant--if things end badly or if it's just a one-night stand it can be incredibly awkward. Which is not to say there aren't a lot of successful romances that start out at the workplace, but you have to be careful. I'd keep playing it cool, maybe pursue some people outside the office. And stand up for yourself more! It's ok to start being more actively social with people at the office.

 

Cheers.

[rose35]

yea..so i guess these little things don't really mean much right? i know actions speak louder and he can't be too interested if he didnt ask me out..do you think he cares and has somewhat of a crush on me?

[rose35]

well it seemed obvious because it is not like we were discussing doing this again..and it seems somewhat clear i must have some feelings for him or like him, or attracted etc and not much else has happened but it seems like he still looks out for me, looks at me the same way.

 

He could probably tell i felt uncomfortable afterwards and he didn't ignore me..if i was walking by he would still say goodnight..one time i was leaving and he has two people who were high up in the company there in his office and i passed by and he still said goodnight and my name.

[Rosee]

Well the fact that he kissed you indicates some interest of course, but I think he would have asked you out by now if he was intending to date you, and I don't think hooking up would be a good idea because it sounds like you would get hurt (understandably) and it would make working with him awkward and messy. So I guess my advice is to try and move on. I have had sort of a similar situation and I realise that it's hard.

[rose35]

i guess i would rather it be because of work he isn't pursuing than the fact he isn't interested in me like that lol i guess it is both it seems like? probably with us kissing, it was just a moment type thing and going along with it..seizing the opportunity..

 

i love those storylines on shows where two people meet and they really don't want to like each other but they still develop feelings for each other etc etc..those looks, moments etc LOL

[WockaWocka]

i guess i would rather it be because of work he isn't pursuing than the fact he isn't interested in me like that lol i guess it is both it seems like? probably with us kissing, it was just a moment type thing and going along with it..seizing the opportunity..

 

i love those storylines on shows where two people meet and they really don't want to like each other but they still develop feelings for each other etc etc..those looks, moments etc LOL

 

Well he definitely cares about you and feels some attraction, but for whatever reason (work, personalities, etc) has decided not to pursue it right now. Which isn't to say that you couldn't keep being social and see where things lead. You don't mention an age difference but my sense is that he's slightly older and more experienced? Workplace romances can be quite tricky, especially if he's in a more senior position in the company than you are.

[rose35]

he is slightly older but really not by much at all..but probably more experienced..i was in a long term serious relationship for a few years..but he was the only guy i slept with and my coworker knows this actually.

 

Last year at an outing we were talking and somehow it got brought up and i said him and i are on a break etc. and it came up how he was the only guy and he even questioned like one guy your whole life? and i said yea, you think i am weird don't you? and he said something like i am a little turned on by that

 

And he said don't be like so and so who sleeps with anything.

 

So he kind of knows i am innocent in that sense..I had alot of experience with that one person but it was only one person..so maybe it is even a turn off for someone his age? maybe he thinks i am sooo shy i wouldn't even be good with the physical stuff?

 

or is it an endearing quality in some sense?

[rose35]

bump...........

[WockaWocka]

Sure it's endearing. He even said it was a turn-on. It's rather rare too for someone your age (early 20s I'm guessing?)

 

I think it's something that also may give a guy pause because he realizes you don't really do (or haven't yet done) casual sex, only in the context of a serious relationship. He's certainly attracted to you but maybe doesn't want anything serious right now. And there's kind of a fear among guys about a woman who would get clingy after sex if he's not interested in a serious relationship.

 

I know you feel attracted to him, and so why not make a move - ask him out to lunch sometime. Or else why not start dating other guys? It'll take your mind off him. If you're not big into bars you could try some online dating. It just sounds like you have tunnel vision and are overly invested in his opinion of you -- I've been there, and it's not fun! -- but it kind of keeps you "stuck" if you don't either make a move or else start actively pursuing other opportunities.

[rose35]

Well its a few months short of a year since this incident occurred..nothing developed which is fine of course..i don't really dwell on it at work..of course there are moments you know when i still think about what happened b/c i see him everyday

 

We basically say hi and sometimes he will say something funny when walking by..i am pretty introverted and shy around him so it's not so easy to make conversation between us anyway

 

i feel like we still glance at each other with a look but he could be giving someone else that exact same look you know

 

We are a small place and once a month or so there is a general meeting with the founder..not everyone goes to due to the area they are working in but i am invited on the email as well..i am basically an assistant and I know it really really doesn't matter too much if i miss this meeting especially when my boss is out and others who arent even there..the owner is really old and doesn't interact with us either so he definitely doesnt notice.

 

I have skipped the past couple of times (i am looking for a new job anyway so basically just concentrate on that)..he came over once and quietly said good idea skipping those lately. And i just sorta looked at him and smiled a little b/c i have no idea what else to say to that and then he continued to say puts me right to sleep.

 

I still didn't say anything and just smiled a little. Of course being the analytical person that i am read into it and thought maybe he is showing he noticed i wasn't there (although we are a small place, we can figure out who is missing if we try)..maybe it was a hint i belong there too.

 

I just really had no idea what to say that..maybe it was just convo?