How can i make myself stop loving my mom?

[frail]

My mother is a manic-depressive and an alcoholic She was never there for me when I needed her the most. She had put me through vary bad experiences. I blame her for my emotional problems. I blame her for inability to have relationships. And I can go on and on with the things she had put my brother and I through but I'll save you from that. Him and I and been trying to take care of my mother since I could remember. It's backwards. She was never there and never supported me, emotional, financially, since I was born until now. I'm lucky to have the father I have. But anyway, I remember when I was little my mother had a boyfriend who would beat her. Those days she drank all day every day. She was always sleeping on the couch. The weekends I visited her, I stayed with her by her side every minute because I knew her boyfriend didn't ever beat my mom in front of me. Back then I was taking care of my mom the only way I knew how. I tried to always be there for her but she always seemed to be depressed. Even now when she lives with my grandmother whom lets her live at the house for free and pays for her car insurance and other bills, she's always depressed. She starts drinking and disappears. My mom's car broke down months ago and my brother and I pitched in together to buy her a junker so she could get to work. She's in her 50's and she can't take care of herself and she just makes my life a living hell. She makes me depressed, and she makes me cry and exhausted. She cause conflicts between other members of the family and she had caused a problem between my brother and I. But I love her. I had lost a best-friend 2 years ago. The day my friend died I had called my mom but my grandmother said she had been missing for 3 days, which means she was on another drinking binge. I still don't forgive her for not being there for me.

 

A couple months ago I decided to no longer talk to my mother. She cried and begged and asked me to be there for her when she tries to get sober. Well she never will. And I've always been there. Apparently I don't help things at all. So I decided to do what's best for me and to stop talking to her. My mother went on another drinking binge again and had an accident. She's in rehab now. And my brother is talking about putting her in a home and he isn't really interested in what I think because he's angry I won't talk to her. But I think about her all the time. And I still cry. And I still love her dearly. Not having her in my life isn't easy when I love her. How do I force myself to stop loving my mother? How can I make myself not care anymore? How can I rid this baggage off my shoulders because I'm trying to get on with my own life now, which is hard enough as it is?

 

I know that's a lot to read but I always got to explain. I blab too much about my problems. I guess that all I need to ask is how to stop loving my mom.

 

Thank you for listening

[StarBrite]

It sounds like your mother has alot of problems, and most are self inflicted. You ask how to stop loving your mother and i really don't think thats possible. No matter what shes your mother and always will be, BUT, you also do not have to pay for her mistakes. She is a grown adult who is lazy and depressed and takes it out on the people around her. Getting her in rehab is a start. She obviously does not care about you or your brothers feelings otherwise she'd be acting more like the mother instead of a child, which gives you every right to not have contact with her. You need to worry about what best for you and your life. If she wants to screw up hers, theres nothing you can do. Do not let her ruin yours. Perhaps if she does better in rehab consider family counseling.

[samdog31]

you won't ever stop loving her, she is your mother. But you can not like her as a person. I came from a very abusive childhood and althought I do not hate my parents I do not like them as the persons they are. And I choose not to accept their values or lack their of. Find a role model someone you truly admire and mirror them.

[piscesprincess]

I sympathize with you totally. Coming from a broken home myself & falling in love with a binge drinker (read my posts). My mother was bi-polar. As a kid all I knew is she had bad mood swings. I havn't lived with her since I was 7 years old, but we have recently began talking ont he phone. At least you have a good father. Mine was a degenerate alcoholic who flirted with other women in front of me- who i blame for my 'guy issues' ontop of the abuse he inflicted upon my mother and me.

 

I guess we learn to forgve. But, never forget. I do not hate my mother, in fact, I resmble her alot in appearance. However. we are not two peas in a pod. Dad can go to the for all I care...no man should ever lay a hand on a woman- nuff said.

[ShySoul]

"Love the sinner, hate the sin."

 

You don't have to like the things she's done or continues to do but you should always try to love her. My mother has issues and my father's an alcoholic. They can drive me crazy but I know that I'll always love them. If anything, I think its those people who need love the most. I know that if I stop loving my parents and reaching out to them, they'll just get worse. At least if I'm showing support, there is hope that things will get better. It's especially bad with my father. Sometimes I feel like I hate and despise him, but deep down I know I love him. Deep down, you'll always love your mother.

[stolenshadow]

Having a relative who is an alcoholic is not only horrible but dangerous.

 

You don't need to stop loving your mother to make your life better, I think you are doing the right thing by not talking to her, when a person is alcoholic they blame the ones near them from their problem, and the ones near the alcoholic blame the alcoholic itself for all their problems, it's a co-dependency.

 

You can (if you want) tell your mother that you'll help her by going with her to theraphy and that sort of thing, but don't allow her to drag you down, if she quits you are over with her, that simple, otherwise the guilt will be directed to you and taken off her.

 

Let her know you care, even if she's not mature enough to care about you, people with alcohol problems are very miserable, they suffer a lot and that's why they become addicts, but you're not the addict, you know that won't solve anything, keep making your life better and hope that your mom will "see the light" one day.

 

It doesn't matter how many times she tries to recover or how many times you can try to help her, sure it's not nice to see how everything goes down the drain over and over again, but one day she might actually be able to get out and everything would have been worth it, believe me, simply because seeing an alcoholic die is too much to handle.