Does sending flowers help when I'm the dumper?

[byates5637]

Full backstory here:

 

 

Basically, I dumped my gf of 2+ years 3 weeks ago due to constant fighting for the past couple months. I now regret my decision and really want to work it out. We had our first real post-breakup talk last wednesday, and I apologized for everything and said I really want to work it out. She was very emotional, but said she doesn't want to get back in the relationship now. She says she needs time to figure herself out and become a happier person or she fears the same problems will just repeat. She also said she would have a hard time trusting that I wouldn't break up with her again. She said she needs to be single for a couple months. We exchanged i love you's and kissed for a while, then I wished her the best of luck and said I hope she gets happy.

 

I haven't contacted her since then. Initially my plan was to go NC for a couple months or longer to give her the space she requested. But now I'm wondering if maybe I should pursue her a little more and show I really do care and am serious about this. I'm not going to beg or smother her, I just want to throw a little bit more out there. Still not sure if this is the best idea.

 

So I'm thinking maybe sending roses to her house next week with a short heartfelt note that says something like:

 

"I hope you are finding what you are looking for.You're still in my thoughts. Love, me"

 

Good idea, bad?

[SapphireNoir10]

No. Give her space. Respect her wishes.

[byates5637]

No. Give her space. Respect her wishes.

 

Maybe this is best. I just want to make sure she knows how much I care and that I am serious about this. I haven't done any begging or pleading...only really one heartfelt conversation where I set it all out on the line. Not sure if that is enough for her to know how serious I am.

[SapphireNoir10]

She knows you care. You said your piece. She knows. The balls in her court. You'll come accross as pleading and desperate and thats not attractive.

 

Be strong, give her time and space to miss you.

[suzexxx]

Personally if my ex sent me flowers now in the hope of getting me back i'd be over the moon.

 

But i've also made it clear that because he's hurt me so much i wouldnt want things to go back to normal over-night because i wouldnt be able to just forget the hurt. Its only been 3 weeks since we split though....

 

I think the flowers are a nice idea! Its better than just saying words which could be empty promises. But just take it slowly....

[ny guy]

I read through the other thread a bit just now. I don't know. I still feel like three weeks after this type of breakup, theemotions could be clouding your thinking.

 

I see where your dad is coming from. He doesn't want to see you sad, I totally understand that. The first time I broke up with my g/f, my mom gave me the courage to go back to her. Ultimately, it didn't work out, a few months later, I broke up with her again.

 

 

If you're seriously considering getting back together, give it some real thought. Take a look at it with out so much emotion, like, make a pro and con list. It takes some emotion out of the equation, and can help you think clearer. Otherwise, as hard as it is, you gotta get your mind on other things. I totally understand how it just feels like it's the only thing that matters, it just feels weird. The thing is, it's so easy to give this advice, but doing it sometimes feels impossible. The best thing you can do is give her the space she wants. Trust me, she is thinking about you. I don't know how much weight I'd put in to her 'wanting to be single'. Although it may be harder, giving her the space she wants will show that you respect her wishes, and at this point, it's probably in your best interest to be accomodating to her, if you really do want it to work out.

 

I hope you feel better man.

[byates5637]

Thanks guys. I guess I'll nix the flowers idea and give her space.

[QtPie]

I wish my ex would send me flowers and say that. I think its a nice gesture if you want her back, but don't put I hope you are finding what you are looking for because it sounds like she told you she was looking for another guy. She just wants space. Send the flowers in 2 weeks or so, and just put thinking of you - love me - sometimes less is more. She might be playing a little game now because you hurt her. You were the dumper - keep that in mind.

[Cognitive_Canine]

What she has said is true and will make it the most difficult part of getting back together.

 

You should get back together as fresh people. You wouldn't start a new relationship with your heart in shatters, consider this the same rule. For the first few months, she won't trust you. She won't have forgiven you either. It'll be a lot of crying and fighting. This is what happened when my boyfriend and I got back together. It was the hardest time of our entire relationship thus far.

 

So, it's best to start it off when you are more healed and have a stronger foundation.

[byates5637]

thanks qtpie. Maybe it is a bit too early for the flowers and they will be more meaningful after a couple weeks of NC. I'll stick to a shorter note. I was also thinking about putting this in the note...tell me if this is corny or a bad idea.

 

"These might not last as long as the glass rose, but hopefully they smell better."

 

Basically I gave her a nice glass rose for our first V-day when everything was wonderful. I'm trying to get her to remember how good we were. Bad idea?

[ForumGuy]

Send the flowers in 2 weeks or so, and just put thinking of you - love me - sometimes less is more.

I agree with this. She needs more space to miss you and a couple of weeks on top of the 3 she has already had should be good. If she loves you, she will not find anyone else in that time. This is assuming she didn't tell you something like "I'll be in contact when I am ready".

[The_Seeker]

To the OP, this song reminded me of you.

 

 

 

 

When people break up, I believe it's better to have a longer time apart to figure things out what went wrong, and what we can do better.

 

I'm pretty sure she will appreciate the flowers as long you didn't cheat on her or abuse her, which I don't think you did.

 

Hopefully, you two will sort out your issues and be back together again.

[byates5637]

To the OP, this song reminded me of you.

 

 

 

 

When people break up, I believe it's better to have a longer time apart to figure things out what went wrong, and what we can do better.

 

I'm pretty sure she will appreciate the flowers as long you didn't cheat on her or abuse her, which I don't think you did.

 

Hopefully, you two will sort out your issues and be back together again.

 

Thank you seeker, that's very sweet of you. I will give her some more time to figure things out. I never cheated or abused her. My worst crime was maybe being a bit distant at times in the last couple months.

[byates5637]

ForumGuy, She never said to not contact her. We left it on fairly good terms. Some tears, hugging, and little kissing before a painful goodbye. I will wait two weeks and then reconsider the flowers. THanks for taking the time to respond to another one of my posts. It really means a lot to me in this hard time.

[The_Seeker]

Thank you seeker, that's very sweet of you. I will give her some more time to figure things out. I have some stuff to figure out too. I need to get my emotions together a bit. I guess I reconsider the flowers in 2 weeks.

 

LOL What girl doesn't love flowers?

 

You're welcome, bud.

 

Yes, definitely sort out of your emotions.

 

Sometimes when we are stress out, our senses go crazy. Hence I believe sometimes we can't trust the heart, nor the mind, or our senses because it can be deceiving at times.

 

Hence why we need to find something that makes us happy and feel better again in order to continue a friendship or a relationship.

 

Good luck! Keep us up to date!

[Ms Darcy]

There is nothing wrong with flowers, but just do it without expecting reconciliation.

 

You two had a talk well after the breakup where she said that she did not want to get back together in no uncertain terms.

[bubbletoes9]

I think flowers would definitely help... after a little bit more space. From your last thread it looks like she was having insecurities about you loving her, so that would be a good way of showing that you do really love her/think about her/ want to make it work, after a bit of time to let the raw emotions die down.

 

I'm in the same position except I'm a girl trying to get my ex back. I know when I broke up with him it was because of a lot of miscommunication...I also didn't see how fragile and insecure he is until after the breakup, because he often puts on a front that he is strong and has it together (which also came accross as not caring, which is the reason I broke up with him because I believed he didn't care). It really broke him and he is so mad at me for breaking his heart. I want to fix it, but what is the guy's equivalent of 'flowers'??

[byates5637]

I want to fix it, but what is the guy's equivalent of 'flowers'??

 

Blowjobs? lol...I bet he would love some flowers too. Let us know how it goes, and best of luck.

[msotaku]

Whatever you decide to do, don't send them to her work. At least if you send them to her at home, she doesn't have to explain to all of her co-workers why she got them or if she's not thrilled she won't feel guilty for not having the happy face.