Do you REALLY want them back...

[trying2Bbrave]

I have good days and bad days, good moments and bad moments. Usually when I'm out with friends and busy I feel OK. I also think about what would happen if we were to work things out. My family would be disappointed in me, I would be going out of my mind with distrust. But I do think about our good moments, our inside jokes, funny or special memories from taking a trip together, etc. etc. etc. I know it sounds stupid given everything he's done but I worry about him, too. I think he is hurting, doesn't have many people in his life, can't really talk about it to anyone about it truthfully because he is ashamed. I feel like the good times outweighed the bad and I'm scared to throw that away. I'm scared of being alone, but that's not nearly as scary as thinking about starting over with someone else. I'm scared to have to get to know someone's habits, personality, etc. and have them get to know mine all over again. And to think about trying another relationship and not having it work out yet again also freaks me out. He was my best friend and losing that is what hurts the most.

 

So do I REALLY want him back? If he could show me he is a good person who made some dumb mistakes and he was willing to fight tooth and nail for this relationship and I had a crystal ball that could show me the future and I knew this would NEVER happen again, then of course I would. But I don't have any guarantees so it's hard to say. I can forgive the past, but I don't know if I can live my life always worrying about the future.

 

How do you know the difference between a good person who makes stupid mistakes and truly learned their lesson after they lost you and a person who is inherently selfish, evil, and wants to hurt you?

[The_Seeker]

Good question. My father told me people are good actors like water. I didn't understand it until I was pouring water to drink and for the rose garden.

 

Anyway, I realize what he meant. So I asked him how do you know if the person is good and has change or is good just for now and never change?

 

He says their attitude. LOL I'm like what? I told him how I don't understand how he lets my mom yell at him like a dog and still can handle her calmly. When he treats her like a dog and she can't handle him calmly. I don't understand why they did bother married or why on he purposed to her. He told me because he didn't look for a woman who has all great qualities because everyone has that. He was looking for bad qualities he can put up with. Also he told me to never request anyone that is perfect, request someone you can work with in a long-run. That's how you know.

 

My parents are trying to make things better and change for the better. Good team effort. Even though at times they box each other out in the same ring. LOL

[hairybda]

At times yes. I miss my x-wife (and best friend). But day by day, I'm getting better and miss her less and less. I don't know about anyone else, but after she left I and I found out she cheated on me... I felt totally worthless. Its taken a long time.. but I am feeling better about myself. I notice women checking me out now..

 

After what she did... part of me wants her back. But if I took her back.. I'd forever be wondering, would she cheat on me again.

 

Breakups happen. Life goes on.

[lia86]

If were my ex somehow able to get over her guilt/shame issues and inability to handle conflict and stop obsessing over being a perfectionist and learn how to communicate, then she'd be a perfect match for me.

 

Exactly. (Do we have the same ex?) And like everyone here has mentioned, I'd be a nervous wreck thinking it was all going to happen again. Heck, it's been that way the last three times we reconciled, why would this time would be any different?

 

Like trying2Bbrave said, it's hard to tell when someone is sincere. Not to mention, the possibility of him coming back at all, changed or not, just seems so unlikely (almost comically unlikely) that it makes the thought of whether or not I'd take him seem kind of insignificant.

[BlackBirdy]

Well now I really don't want him back.

 

He's in a relationship. It hasn't even been a month since he ended it. Wow. That was quick.

[miss bear]

The moment he said "I am not in love with you anymore" I knew I could never get back together with him.

Of course I still have moments when I wonder about if we could ever get back together.

I know the reality is, we will not be getting back together.

[Chandra]

Exactly. (Do we have the same ex?) And like everyone here has mentioned, I'd be a nervous wreck thinking it was all going to happen again. Heck, it's been that way the last three times we reconciled, why would this time would be any different?

 

Maybe? haha I hope not. i don't remember her reconciling with any of her previous boyfriends! They were kind of losers. You probably are not a loser.

 

Guess I should have seen the red flags there... sigh.

[The_Seeker]

The moment he said "I am not in love with you anymore" I knew I could never get back together with him.

Of course I still have moments when I wonder about if we could ever get back together.

I know the reality is, we will not be getting back together.

 

How funny would it be if he did come back and say "I realize I am in love with you."

 

You would respond "In love with me? By me falling off the Earth? Whoooaaa you're so romantic." [Runs] LOL

[90_hour_sleep]

i like to entertain the thought...although it's been a very long time. the funny thing is...when you reach the point where you've gained the necessary skills to thrive in a long-term relationship, sometimes the first place you may feel inclined to drop a line is with someone who you were highly compatible with in the past. perhaps they've come to a similar place. lots of potential matches out there. i think new relationships with people from our pasts are far more common than most of us suspect.