Feeling pretty sad right now....

[hellohello1]

Its been about 4 months since the end of my 2.5 year relationship with my boyfriend. I am slowly but finally beginning to accept that its over and come to terms with it. It's very sad. I'm extremely upset right now. It's so hard to get all of the memories out of my head. Thinking about all of our loving, amazing times and it seems that still, just about everything reminds me of him. I don't think of him in a negative light. I think about him as the guy I fell in love with, and it is such a deep loss. I don't know how to change my thinking or to not relive the memories in my head. It's very painful and heartbreaking. There is some relief that I no longer have this false hope that he was putting me through, as in telling me he still believed I was the one for him, that its not over forever and that he still loved me. I told him I was initiating no contact nearly 2 weeks ago. It's still very painful. I'm not 100% but pretty sure he is "seeing" someone else now, and the thoughts of them together (i know who she is somewhat) absolutely breaks my heart.

 

I cant stop thinking about them being together, and him doing the romantic things he did for me for her. It sounds bad, but I hope they don't last. I know I will feel better relatively soon, and that I will be over this one day. But the pain righ now is just excruciating and I just need some support. Thanks.

[Snowy]

We're all here for you. Hang in there.

 

You will discover that he is really not needed in your life. You can move on and live an even better life without him. (:

[mistrall]

HEY, i understand how your feeling.

im at 4 months myself out of a 2.5 year - sounds like a drug habit eh ?

 

i still have down days about it but i have up days too, and im shure you have some good moments - just try to thing of those right now.

sometimes things are ment to be, and sometimes there not. mabe if we knew what was around the corner things wouldnt seem so bad eh? but then were would the fun be.

 

remember that all that you miss, those feelings and emotions come from within you, not from him, and that means you have the capasity to feel those feelings again in the future, its a gift. - you have a big heart.

just remember you are a special person, unique and that is why you have these memories, for without you there would be none.

 

try not to think of what hes doing now, it never helps although i know its hard and we all do it.

 

just be rest ashured that things will feel better, new horizons will come and you will cherish them, eaven if you cant see them right now. posibly feelings that you never knew existed eh? thats how i look at it.

 

all i can say is (((huggs))) keep going 1 step at a time X M

[Hell_On_Heels]

I'm sorry you are hurting so much. It's so awful, these breakups.

 

It's easy to remember the good times, and miss him. To stop missing him, you'll need to remember the annoying times, too. I'm not saying turn him into a monster, but just balance the good memories with the bad ones, too. We all have them, especially after 2-3 years.

 

I can think of one for you. Any guy who breaks up with you and then leaves you hanging on while he says, "You're still the one," and "Maybe somedayyyy," is being a selfish jerk. If he felt breaking up was the right thing to do, then he ought to have some backbone and stick with it. He shouldn't be running back to you, hurting you even more so that it's easier for him. Bonk that! If he loves you so much, then he can be a stand up guy, and quit hurting you over and over.

 

I know you're probably tormenting yourself with thoughts of him repeating his romantic behaviors with her. Just remember that he'll repeat his hurtful behaviors, too. Kinda makes you feel bad for her, when you think about it.

 

Do something good for yourself today. Or tomorrow if it's too late where ever you are. One nice thing. Make yourself feel a little better, even for 5 minutes. And come back and tell me about what you did.

[AutumnBorn]

Hello, when I was going through my personal hell, the thing that helped me the most was transforming myself. I changed a lot in order to become my ex's wet dream of a middle-aged woman. I worked on myself inside and out. In the end, I gained super-sized confidence and self-esteem. I now know, without a doubt, my ex could never get a woman like me now, and he actually said so a few weeks ago. I'm out of his league. I think it might help you, too. It will give you something to concentrate on instead of how sad you're feeling.

 

What and who do you want your ex to see when he runs into you? You know it'll happen one day. Prepare for it now. What personal changes would you like to make? What would you like to learn? How would you like to look?

 

Hopefully, by the time you get from "before" (the rejected former gf) to "after" (the girl who got away), you'll have forgotten all about him.

[hellohello1]

Thank you all so much for your responses. They all made me feel a bit better and its nice having the support from you all here, I appreciate it immensely.

 

Hell_on_Heels - yes, exactly. I try to think about that. How not even 2 months ago he was telling me that we will probably get back together, its far from impossible, he still loves me, has thought many times about getting back together, blah blah. Well, if he wanted to be with me he would be with me.

 

Thanks all for the support.

[hellohello1]

Autumnborn - unfortunately i run into my ex about once a week (saw him yesterday) as we go to the same university and work in the same building (opposite ends). however, i like the questions you propose. i definitely want to be the one who got away. im not trying to sound cruel but i hope one day he realizes how good he had it with me, and how he made the choice to end things. i will think about your questions and see what i would like to improve in myself. thanks for the ideas

[sweety74]

hellohello Ive got to agree with Autumn Born - I did the same thing after a breakup of a 3.5 year relationship - At first I just wanted to get in great shape, look my best, dress in nice clothes and hopefully my ex would see me looking stunning, and realise what he had lost and just kick himself if not come begging for me to take him back........

 

As a result I was looking the best I ever had and feeling like quite a hottie. Lots of guys were interested in me but unfortunately I mucked them around as I wasn't honest with them or myself that I wasn't over my ex.

 

I had got myself in a situation of having two guys interested in me at once, having them both at the same nightclub, feeling so bad as Id rejected the one that had invited me out in the first place, ran outside crying, yes my body looked great, but I had mascara running down my face just as I bumped into my ex, who asked me what I was doing when I said "oh just making a mess of my life" He said "yeah that would be about right!" And that's the last time I saw him. Its funny looking back on it now.

 

So yeah, you can get yourself looking great etc... but you need to also work on getting yourself strong and together mentally as well.

 

But as for the new me - I was better, stronger, I worked at my job so well just to keep my mind off the break up and ended up getting TWO promotions that year.

 

And now, facing a second break up Im already starting to focus on what I need to do for myself. Start working out again, walking, taking better care of myself and my appearance and figuring out how to get a better career and better future prospects, and just being a great mum to my son. This time it won't be to try and make him see what he's lost. Im actually realising how much Ive let myself go and how unmotivated ive become in this marriage and time to start making some changes.

 

So I fully support you in just focusing on yourself for now and trying to forget about this ex of yours. Do something great for yourself.

[stay_positive]

He's not worth your time. Eventually you will heal. It's been almost 5 months since my breakup and I'm quite over it. What helped me was I stepped back and looked at my relationship from an actual unbiased point of view. That was when I realized my relationship never would have worked and I'm glad it's over. Just keep your chin up... You can do this!

[dancingcolors]

I am finally getting way over my 2 year relationship after 1 1/2 years. What actually helped the most, even though it was awful was finally seeing him with the woman he left me for. It made it more of a reality. Not that I suggest you run out and do this. He just showed up one day with her.

 

I was the most heartbroken, saddest person there ever was. Last winter I cried every night. I was so sad. I am doing much better. Lately I have hardly been thinking about him at all, and hardly ever cry about him. If I can do this, anyone can. It was the hardest, most tramatic experience of my life. I was madly in love, and he left for another woman, and never even bothered to break up with me. And then NEVER talked to me ever again, until a year later, he shows up where I am working with her. Then NEVER a word out of him again.

 

If I lived through it, you will too. It is sooo hard, and I am sorry you have to go through it.

 

I guess what I learned from it is to never be a doormat again, not let people take advantage of me anymore.

[hellohello1]

Thank you for your responses. I've learned so much from this break up. And this as well for me has been the worst four months of my life. While I've learned a lot, I've never been in so much pain either. Everyone, my entire family and his family and friends was shocked that he was the one who broke up with me. Everyone thought if there was anyway we would break up it would be me breaking up with him. Needless to say, I was shocked. I think its a classic "GIGS" case. Well, good luck with that.

 

About a month or so ago I asked him: "so let me get this straight, you want freedom, but you also want the relationship?" and he said yes. At least he was honest. Thats when I decided enough of this limbo crap, hes not going to be able to have his cake and eat it too. So I eventaully deleted him and went NC and told him no more contacting. Well, shortly after that hes "seeing" someone. I dont even know for sure if he is, just saw a picture that makes it seem that way. Well, if anything it looks like hes trying to fill a void because i cut the cord and will no longer be there for him whenever he feels like it without any committment.

 

Sorry for my rant..I hope him and this new girl doesnt last. I know its selfish but thats how I feel. Shes quite a bit younger than him, and they're at two differnet places in their lives, you would think anyhow. Him being 24 and her not even quite 19. Maybe he just likes her attention. Who the hell knows. I just cant stop thinking about the two of them together and it kills.