Not doing so well right now...

[hellohello1]

Well I'm pretty upset right now. My ex boyfriend of 2.5 years broke up with me 4 months ago, saying he was confused, cold feet, didnt know what he wanted, scared, type of thing. Anyhow after a couple of weeks of begging i stopped and was only contacting him when he would initiate it. i was very indifferent to him and it got to the point where he asked me to come over about 2 months ago and i did and he confessed his feelings for me that he still loved me, thought i was the one, wanted to be with me one day, still needs to figure out what he wants. anyhow after he confessed this i started to initiate contact and i think i was pressuring him too much. i completely backed off after a week or so of this and decided to go no contact. i ignored some of his messages. anyhow nothing was moving forward so i decided to delete him from facebook about 2 weeks ago.

 

he asked me about it a few days later and i told him that since things didnt seem to be moving forward i needed to move on and that having him on facebook was not helping me heal. i told him we could no longer be in contact, he seemed pretty sad. that was 10 days ago. anyhow through a friend of a friend on facebook i saw a picture of him added today by some girl and he has his arm around her and theyre sitting really close like touching eacho ther basically on the couch, so im assuming he is seeing her or something.

 

i realize it has been 4 months since the breakup but i think it is a rebound..as after the breakup i was still giving him attention, basically he was having his cake and eating it too. when i decided i would no longer put up with this i think he is trying to fill that void. last time we spoke (10 days ago) he told me he was not happy with life and i am absolutely sure he is not over me considering conversations we've had not too long ago. but it absolutely is heartbreaking seeing him in a picture with some girl. or knowing that hes with some girl. i dont think he is happy, and i dont think it will last. she is quite a bit younger than him. i think part of the reason he broke up wtih me is because being with me meant being mature and having responsibilities. ever since we broke up hes done a lot of partying and drinking and hanging out wtih 18-19 year olds (hes 24)..when we first met he was immature, and then i helped him go back to school and really excel. i do think he will realize that being with this girl who is 18 is obvioulsy not the best thing for him.

 

it just hurts so so bad thinking about him wtih someone else. we often talked about marriage and children one day. it just breaks my heart.

[arwen]

For most of us, hearing or seeing things that suggest the ex is involved someone else is one of the most painful things that can happen after a breakup. Therefore, I think it's useful to avoid that as much as possible- this is where full NC comes in. In the time I was going through a breakup, there was no facebook. But I asked mutual friends to not talk about him and for some time I even avoided going into town because he lived and studied right in the center.

 

Do yourself a favor and stop figuring him out. It's not your worry anymore how mature he is or who he hangs out with. Worrying about that, and making sense of it (i.e. 'it must be a rebound' or 'he will soon realize ...' ) may give you a sense of control, but in reality it just distracts you from your main job, which is focusing on your own happiness.

 

It will get better, I promise.

[hellohello1]

thank you for your reply. right now i feel like i did within the first few weeks of the breakup. i feel physically ill. it just breaks my heart thinking about him with some girl.