Quick Poll: Would you date someone with an STD?

[Meow18]

I don't think anyone really meant to make std jokes.. or maybe I missed it. People have a right to not want to catch any stds & I think its very reasonable. Yes stds are common these days, but that doesn't mean that everyone should just go out & get one just cause of that. As I have said before, I would not have sex with someone with AIDS or HIV, just because those are deadly & I don't want to put my life in that kind of danger. I want to live a healthy life & not worry about being sick just for sex. I would also not have sex with a person with an std if I knew we would not be together forever. I in no way against people with an std. One of my close friends has an std & I can see all that she goes through with it. Its not a pleasant thing, which is why I wouldn't risk my life like that. I can't even imagine what it must be like & I feel so sorry for those people. Now if I loved that person & knew we would be together forever, then I would have sex with them as long as they didn't have anything deadly.

Its hard to answer "what if" questions because you might have a different opinion or view when it actually happens.

[mikeyc77]

this is a very interesting subject.

Should a partner put him/herself at risk? My current partner has told me she has genital warts and I have accepted that. I am not sure if I will stay with her the rest of my life but I also understand that it is not necessarily her fault that she has the disease and the warts can be treated.

[PavPPZ1]

Everyone in here is saying their opinion on the subject, in reality it is all going to play out quite differently. Did you know that you can catch HIV through kissing, or genetal herpies just from touching. Now did you know what 90% of all stds dont show any symptoms for the majority of the time. If anyone has had sex in here without having their partner and themselves being tested for every possible std out there you have to realize that, there is a chance you could have already contracted one, though beit a small one. Now, if you look at it from the perspective of chance, that means that everyone stands an equal chance of catching an std based on weather you are going to be sexually active and so on. So in reality weather you will choose to sleep with someone or not, you will unknowingly catch an std at some point in your life at least some people will. Thats just life, your best bet is to simply use protection, and in some cases ask if the person has stds... I guess thats the best advice

[Santa]

No! I would never sleep with someone with a STD... 1. Because i odnt want it too, 2. It looks disgusting usually.

[Amethyst]

There's a lot more to this than it would seem on the surface. I really think it depends on the individual and on the situation. In fact, this is a question that you probably can't answer until you're placed in the situation.

 

For example: Imagine marrying the love of your life. You spend 18 wonderful years together, but tragedy strikes -- the love of your life is raped and given some sort of STD. How likely are you to divorce the love of your life; or, at least, refrain from physical contact with the love of your life? (Sheds things in a different light, don't you think?)

 

So, my answer is that I don't know. I can't say I would, but I can't say I wouldn't, either.

 

Edit: I should also add that the variables given in the original post do not effect me. I am one who is saving sex until marriage, so I don't face the question of 'should I sleep with my bf' even if he's disease free...that's just the way I choose to live my life.

 

Would I initially date someone knowing they had a disease? Probably not. Would I end the relationship if they later found they had it? I don't know.

[PavPPZ1]

Are you serious? Can you tell me more of what its like to save your virginity until 27 yrs old? Plz explain to me how you do it, or at least what goes through your mind, how do the guys react?

[PavPPZ1]

have you ever dated anyone?

[PavPPZ1]

the unspoken rule about sex before marriage is as long as you are not over 21, cuz if you have sex for the first time when you are 40 you will have missed all of your prime years, I would hate to see a beautiful woman miss out on the natural pleasures of life while she is in ample fruitfullness.

 

Mind boggeling i didnt know this rule was still in effect. you must be very religious

[youngin]

OK, ive recently taken a course on this and 1 in 4 people DONT get an STD every year. If that were true, than within 4 years EVERYONE would have an STD. Maybe 1 in four people have an STD. That is believable. I know that one in four adults have herpes (HSV 2). And a whole lot of people have Herpes HSV1. However, 95% of people who have herpes aren't contaigous all of the time. They are only contagious when they actually have an open sore. (about 5% of people with herpes shed all of the time though).

 

Furthermore, AIDS can be surpressed, but its expensive as heck (about 100 grand per year).

 

Personally, no i would not marry someone with an std (other than something curable ie syphalis). THe only other exception would be Herpes HSV 1 (in the mouth). Most people have it in their mouths anyway. I would just have to avoid oral intercourse because you can get mouth herpes down there too (although you are much less likely to get HSV1 in the genital area if you already have it in your mouth). Yes, my views could be viewed as cruel and simpleminded. But come on, you CANT get 99% of std's by kissing, touching, etc (and i highly doubt that you can get AIDS by kissing (unless of course both of you had open wounds in your mouth). Interestingly enough, though, AIDS can be caried in tears. Most of the time, if someone has an STD (well, excluding maybe Herpes HSV 1 and HIV/AIDS, there are other ways to get that that dont involve heroine/sex) then they had sex with someone with an STD.

 

If my wife of 18 years was raped and got a std, then no, i doubt i would divorce. If i had a gf who i found out had herpes (especially at my age ) then i doubt i would ever marry her. Sorry.

[Amethyst]

I'm glad I piqued your curiosity; though, I'm not sure why you find it quite so odd. I realize that it's not the "norm" according to society's standards, but it's hardly rare, either. I know a LOT of singles my age (and OLDER) who are virgins.

 

the unspoken rule about sex before marriage is as long as you are not over 21,

 

Not to be rude, but I have no idea what you're talking about. I've never heard of some kind of rule that you can't have pre-marital sex before age 21 (or that you *should* have it after that age). There are many devoutly religious people who go through their lives NEVER having sex because they never marry. (And, I'm not just talking about clergy or nuns.)

 

I'm not a virgin because of some "unspoken rule"; I do not even live this way simply because it's what my God wants. I live this way because it's what *I* want.

 

Yes, I've had boyfriends and dated guys. I'm very upfront about my beliefs and the guys I date generally share those values. The ones who don't must respect that decision or the relationship is over. Sounds harsh, I suppose, but if he can't respect me on that front; then, there are bigger problems with our relationship.

 

As for how I made it this far, all it takes is will-power and strength. I am still a virgin because I refuse to accept anything else from myself. The teen years are the hardest, as so many high school / college-aged people believe there is something wrong with you if you've never had sex. During my school years, I had a support system, however -- other friends who shared my beliefs and we helped pull each other through. I had the will-power not to bow to peer pressure, and the [God-given] strength within myself not to put myself in tempting situations or bow to temptation when I was unintentionally placed in one.

 

Honestly, I don't feel my choice presents any complications because I'm unwilling to have premarital sex. In fact, in my opinion (and only *my* opinion), *having* premarital sex is the issue that complicates things.

 

Edit: If you (or anyone) would like to know more, feel free to pm me. (I don't mind talking about it, but I hate to take up more room on this board when this really has nothing to do with the origin of the thread.)

[Lizziebird]

Just to throw in a different perspective here, I am the person with the STD (Low-risk HPV).

 

First of all, my vagina doesn't look disgusting, thank you. In fact, I often receive compliments on my vagina (my gynecologist said I had a "virginal opening." Weird, right?) Don't assume that just because someone has an STD like genital warts or herpes, that their crotch looks rotten and gangrenous. Some people never experience outbreaks at all, and most that do treat them quickly and efficiently. Those scary pictures of nasty crotches with a million lesions that you saw in Sex Ed are generally from people who, for any of several reasons, didn't take care of it properly, or possibly had a REALLY SEVERE outbreak. And then quickly treated it.

 

Anyone who is honest and confident enough to tell you they have an STD before any action, will be intelligent enough to fall under the first category and get it taken care of. Anyone who isn't, well, you'll be able to tell if they have a gross crotch once the pants are off, at which point you can scream and run away.

 

From this point on, I'm mostly going to write about HPV, because I have it, so I'm very familiar with it, and because it is the most common STD. I literally know ten friends, just off the top of my head, who have it. And no, I did not give it to them.

 

Remember that there are a lot of people who carry HPV and have no idea that they have it. It could be that they're negligent and don't get tested, but more likely it's because it hasn't even shown up in their bloodstream. Men, for example, have no way to determine that they have HPV, unless, in rare cases, they have an outbreak. In other cases, it might decide to show up years after you've contracted it. In my case, I got down with a guy had been tested as clean right before we started dating, and then a year down the road it showed up in my pap test. He didn't know he had it, because there was no way for him to.

 

From my perspective, yes, it's somewhat difficult to live with, purely because I'm single now and trying to date with an STD, even a relatively minor one, is ridiculously difficult. I've never had an outbreak, and I've never had an abnormal pap smear, but it's my obligation to tell guys that I have it. The worst part is that most people respond with "What's HPV?" At which point I go into teacher mode and have to give them an hour lecture. I blame * * * *ty sexual education and puritanical values.

 

Of course it's your decision what course of action you take. I never resent guys that don't want to date me because of my STD, especially because condoms do not protect against it. Sometimes I resent them because they're too retarded to know what it is, but never because of their decision. I completely agree that with a life threatening disease such as HIV/AIDS, I would not sleep with that person; Herpes, probably not; but it truly depends on who you are, who they are, and what disease they have. The majority of men when I tell them that I have HPV, tell me that if it were a long-term, road-to-marriage relationship, it wouldn't be a problem. But that's also only because HPV is a relatively low-risk for them.

 

The main point that I would like to emphasize here is, don't be prejudice, and don't live your life in rabid fear of STDs. Not that I'm saying you should run out and get one on purpose, but there may come a time when you're in the position I was, and your partner tests clean and clear, but there's something hiding in there that's not showing up in the tests. I can tell you from personal experience that the majority of cases of HPV are not devastating, or hard to live with at all. Anyone who is sexually active should research and educate yourself about all the STDs out there. It's ridiculous to have sex without understanding the potential consequences of it. If you're ignorant to it, and you do happen to get something, you will be that much more devastated and freaked out when you find out. If you're educated, you have a better foundation to understand what's going on, and what you need to do.

 

I could go on to describe all the fundamental problems with sexual education in the United States, but I think I've written enough for now.

[matius]

A bit dated, but the source is accurate.

 

link removed

[Luke Skywalker]

It seems that unless you are marrying a complete virgin with hymen intact, or a guy who claims to be a virgin and obviously has no experience with women, then there is always going to be a risk of contracting an STD.

 

In my right mind, I would not date anyone who claimed to have an STD, or was a single mother or some other red-flag like that. In times that I was not in my right mind, my parent's have successfully (with my cooperation) protected me from making foolish actions.

 

It's difficult when a virgin male or female, loses their virginity to experience how sex feels like, and ends up with STD's, which they have to pass on to someone they truly care about or who may care about them.

 

You see, before reading this thread, I thought condoms would provide adequate protection and were a barrier of choice. Learning that condoms dont work for other minor STD's, or other STDs, or even learning that testing for STD's is not even accurate (false negative tests), has got me really thinking.

 

I think I'd have to be in a suicidal depression to want to date or have sex with someone who has STD's.

[Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll]

no chance of me doing it

[Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll]

the unspoken rule about sex before marriage is as long as you are not over 21, cuz if you have sex for the first time when you are 40 you will have missed all of your prime years, I would hate to see a beautiful woman miss out on the natural pleasures of life while she is in ample fruitfullness.

 

Mind boggeling i didnt know this rule was still in effect. you must be very religious

 

you lose your virginity when you please there are no rules, except man made artificial rules that dont amount to a hill of beans at the end of the day

[kimiko_mi]

you lose your virginity when you please there are no rules, except man made artificial rules that dont amount to a hill of beans at the end of the day

I totally agree!

[ghost69]

simple. nope on any.