My girlfriend changed on me...

[8888]

I've been with my girlfriend for about 9 months now and things have changed. I believe it's because of her behavior. I'm a pretty easy going guy, I like to laugh and I'm usually happy. I know how to treat my girlfriend very well. I'm not the typical mocho type man. I'm sensitive to her needs but I have to draw the line somewhere.

I feel like lately she complains about everything. And she get's mad at me for dumbest things. And she catches me by surprise. Sometimes I'm actually thinking "Is she serious of just with me???".. no she's serious. I never ever raise my voice cuz I'm usually chill. So I ask, what did i do? or what didn't I do, or how can i fix things cuz we're at a party and I want us to have a good time. Ridiculous. When this doesn't help, I raise my voice and this isn't the kinda man I am...But she brings is out of me. What scares me is how cute and cuddly she can be, but then when she gets mad it's like I'm the biggest * * * * * * * in the world, "don't talk to me don't touch me". Absolutely no middle ground. I'm really upset because I thought she was the one. Now i resent her and feel great when I'm alone. Really sucks.

[DrKitten]

Now i resent her and feel great when I'm alone.

 

Then you know what you need to do.

[iJester]

Yeah bud, you sound like a level headed guy and like you already realize that you need to break up with her.

[anggrace]

Maybe now that the honeymoon phase is over she's bored and is trying to create drama. What kinds of things does she get mad at you for?

[generaldiscord]

So break up with her. Or is there more to the story?

[daisy_smiles]

Question: have you made it "official"? Like actually said "i love you" and that she is your girlfriend? I think I may have been in the same shoes when my bf had not "sealed the deal" after 6 months or so.

 

Just sayin...

 

Acknowledging that you are dating exclusively does not count. She may have to hear the actual words.

[Ms Darcy]

Why don't you talk to her and tell her how you are feeling?

[8888]

So break up with her. Or is there more to the story?

 

Not really. I don't want to break up with her because I know the type of girl she can be. Kinda like the girl I fell in love with. I guess she got too comfortable and feels like she can get upset and create drama over every little thing.

[8888]

Question: have you made it "official"? Like actually said "i love you" and that she is your girlfriend? I think I may have been in the same shoes when my bf had not "sealed the deal" after 6 months or so.

 

Just sayin...

 

Acknowledging that you are dating exclusively does not count. She may have to hear the actual words.

 

Yes. It doesn't get more official than this.

[8888]

Maybe now that the honeymoon phase is over she's bored and is trying to create drama. What kinds of things does she get mad at you for?

 

All kinds of dumb things that I know she knows aren't worth starting with me for. It's annoying. I hate arguing. I just want to be myself and not have to worry all the time.

[8888]

Why don't you talk to her and tell her how you are feeling?

 

I have already. She changed for a while but not for long. She says that I'm the best thing that happened to her. She surely doesn't act like it.

[generaldiscord]

Not really. I don't want to break up with her because I know the type of girl she can be. Kinda like the girl I fell in love with. I guess she got too comfortable and feels like she can get upset and create drama over every little thing.

 

Really there's only two possibilities. Either she's being unreasonable and you should break up with her, or you're being unreasonable and you need to stop doing whatever it is that is annoying her.

[Ms Darcy]

Not really. I don't want to break up with her because I know the type of girl she can be. Kinda like the girl I fell in love with. I guess she got too comfortable and feels like she can get upset and create drama over every little thing.

 

All kinds of dumb things that I know she knows aren't worth starting with me for. It's annoying. I hate arguing. I just want to be myself and not have to worry all the time.

 

I have already. She changed for a while but not for long. She says that I'm the best thing that happened to her. She surely doesn't act like it.

 

What I see here is a lot of blaming of your gf here and very little communication on your part. You say she's getting mad about stupid stuff, but you are not giving us specifics. If you don't communicate with her in real life, I can see how she can feel frustrated and angry with you. Instead of telling her what you don't like, it might be a more productive conversation to ask her why these things come out and is there anything you are doing that she is struggling with. I'm concerned that you are dismissive of her feelings and saying she's not the girl you feel for. She is, in every moment you are with her, that girl. It's time to stop lamenting her so-called change and open up the communication.

 

Just my 2 cents.

[Lovelace]

I'm with Darcy. You're not giving us examples of the 'stupid' stuff she's complaining about, which makes me think that you're afraid we will side with her.

 

I've been with a guy before who would act like I was creating drama, when really, I was unhappy about something specific he was doing (like...standing me up to spend quality time with drunk girls), and he just didn't want to change his ways, so he called it 'drama' and acted like I was being unreasonable.

 

I'm thinking you just need to break up with her. What I'm hearing is that you want her to act only the way you want her to act, and if she's unhappy about something, or ever rejects you (and why would she want you to be all over her when she's mad at you?), then you act like it's just her making your life hell for no reason.

 

If I'm right, then heed this: A relationship is about you BOTH, not just about your needs. If she's satisfied, you'll be satisfied.

[_Asti_]

I think you're seeing the real her.

So if you love her, you gotta love all sides of her. And I think thats the real part of being in love with someone, seeing the good and bad, loving and accepting of it all.

Some people are really irrational, and can behave in very negative ways...she may be that way.

I don't think she changed, you were just in the honeymoon stage of things, and now that things are coming around and settling into the 'real' part of a relationship, you are seeing her. You say you love the way she can be, but she can also be this other way. Do you love that part of her as well?

[8888]

I don't really feal comfortable going into specifics on this website. I'm sure you can understand that. But what I could say is that she always regrets creating drama and arguments. I could tell by the way she acts or by her always asking me if I still love her. She needs constant reassurance and affection.

[AndiD]

Reminds me of a Marilyn Monroe quote: "I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."

 

It's easy to appreciate folks at their best. But you're essentially here saying that whatever feelings/behavior you're seeing from her are all about her need for drama. That's belittling of her and her feelings. The more you project that attitude, the more likely the issues will continue. If you honestly care about her and what's bothering her, don't belittle her with the sort of attitude evident in stuff like "she got too comfortable and feels like she can get upset and create drama over every little thing."

[catfeeder]

If you're not willing to walk away from her, then the best you can do is stop seeing so much of one another. She takes you for granted. Change that.

[Ms Darcy]

I don't really feal comfortable going into specifics on this website. I'm sure you can understand that. But what I could say is that she always regrets creating drama and arguments. I could tell by the way she acts or by her always asking me if I still love her. She needs constant reassurance and affection.

 

I'm not sure how telling 8888 is as an ID but whatever.

 

You say she regrets creating drama and arguments and then asks if you still love her. Knowing nothing about the situation, all I can say is if you don't want to end it you need to change your behavior. You cannot change someone else's. Address the issues she is bringing up and offer reassurance that you do love her.

[8888]

I'm not blaming her, I just wish she would chill out a little and not take things the worst possible way. We were at a party and lots of my high school friends were there. The night was going great we were having drinks and talking to friends. The music was loud, we were at the bar so i was just chilling watching my friends with my gf at my side. She went to the bathroom and while she was gone an old friend of mine pops up and hands me a shot. We all had the shot right when my gf returned. We left the bar and headed toward the dance floor. I was just standing around drinking watching everyone else and she goes back to the bathroom. She comes back and tells me, can we go to the bar or can you entertain me?? With a really sour look on her face. I asked whats wrong and shes like I'm bored and you're ignoring me. You had fun at the bar having shots but can't have fun with me.?????? At that point I knew there was nothing i could do to make things better. My fun was over, we left the party. Huge fight in the car ride home. Ruined my night! Now was that really necessary?? All because I wanted to hang with my drink and watch ppl dance for a moment. Did I really deserve that??

[Coconut Twin]

I acted quite similar years ago with one of my ex's and everytime I look back I cringe. It's not a good look. I think she has some major insecurities that she needs to sort out. It can come accross as selfish. She should be happy you're happy, you weren't doing anything wrong.

[FrenchFries]

Things are getting pretty bad when you're happier when you're alone. Better start communicating better if you want to save the relationship.

[Ms Darcy]

Do most of your miscommunication episodes occur when one or both of you is drinking?

[8888]

Do most of your miscommunication episodes occur when one or both of you is drinking?

 

No. I don't drink very often and neither does she.