Can someone tell me why girls are like this?

[newwave]

I agree. I am so tired of men thinking women are playing games and all of that. They don't get it that it plain stinks when we love and want someone and they don't want us, while the guys who want us we don't want. There's a guy I desperately want though right now he doesn't want me (or anyone else). Maybe in time he will want me, but he may not, then what? Should I just date guys I have zero attraction to? Forget that, I'm not giving any guy the chance that I'm not interested in.

[randomgirl59]

I agree. I am so tired of men thinking women are playing games and all of that. They don't get it that it plain stinks when we love and want someone and they don't want us, while the guys who want us we don't want. There's a guy I desperately want though right now he doesn't want me (or anyone else). Maybe in time he will want me, but he may not, then what? Should I just date guys I have zero attraction to? Forget that, I'm not giving any guy the chance that I'm not interested in.

 

I think a lot of men even nowadays still have this notion that all women have some stupid Disney-esque views of relationships, and that she'll bend over backwards for any man that gives her attention or affection. The minute a woman shows any aggressiveness or resolve, or is vocal about what she wants and doesn't settle for something less, there will always be a handful of butthurt men who will say she's a b***h.

 

Luckily not all men are like this, and I'm definitely not accusing anyone on here of it, but those guys need to get their head out of the ground and realize that women dont have to stick around and chase you like a lovesick puppy, especially when the men themselves dont even make an effort to show they're interested, or take a really long time in making their feelings (if any) known.

 

Of course no one would expect a man to settle, no one bats an eye when a man picks and chooses from many women until he finds the right one for him, but oh no, God forbid women do the same. Just another double standard that has me fed up with this whole dating crap.

 

I'm not condoning game playing either, or leading people on, I just think we need to be more realistic about things and the nature of people nowadays. And honestly, there is no harm in knowing what you want and being with people that benefit you, and whom can also benefit from being with you. As long as you are polite and diplomatic about it, there's nothing wrong with changing your mind either. I'm not going to be guilted into being with someone who isn't the right person for me, as I dont expect anyone to stick around if I'm not the right person for them.

[newwave]

I hate the double standard when it comes to women dating. I once had a relative tell me I was being picky for not dating dads, while she told another cousin (male) that she could understand him not dating single moms. When I asked why she said because men have better selections and can be picky. I couldn't believe it but have seen the standards a long time. I cringe thinking of some of the guys people wanted me to date. I get disgusted when I see guys truly being picky that shouldn't be but if I'm picky, that's wrong. If I'm not interested in a guy, no wooing me will change that. In fact if a guy gets too obsessive I get scared.

[randomgirl59]

I hate the double standard when it comes to women dating. I once had a relative tell me I was being picky for not dating dads, while she told another cousin (male) that she could understand him not dating single moms. When I asked why she said because men have better selections and can be picky. I couldn't believe it but have seen the standards a long time. I cringe thinking of some of the guys people wanted me to date. I get disgusted when I see guys truly being picky that shouldn't be but if I'm picky, that's wrong. If I'm not interested in a guy, no wooing me will change that. In fact if a guy gets too obsessive I get scared.

 

yep that's decades of social conditioning for you. Woman are basically told to shut up and be gracious for the affections of some slob (because women must always be nice even if its not in their best interest) yet men are continuously encouraged to get what they want. Those people who choose to have that mindset are a waste of time and their "advice" should be taken with a grain of salt.

 

Be kind and respectful of people, but dont let this psychological manipulation guilt you into thinking you should settle for less. I mean, I made a thread awhile back clearly stating that I could care less if a man had little money as I never expect men to pay for me, I dont even care if he's newly graduated and still living at home and some people STILL told me I was being too picky. Give me a bloody break.

[t3nder_v1ttl3s]

What you are saying makes sense and I totally agree with it. I have no problem with a woman not wanting me. I have no problem with her making a decision to date someone other than me. Sure I’ll be disappointed but I won’t think she’s a b*****. In fact if she is honest with me and shows respect for my feelings I have no problem being her friend. If I waited too long to express interest so be it. In many cases though I know I expressed interest and it was her that held back on expressing the full measure of her interest back. Instead she’d give just enough attention to keep me from losing interest. She’d flirt just enough and say just the right thing at the right moment but never actually let it go further. I find that disrespectful.

 

My problem is the women who don’t seem to make up their mind about what they want. Sure they decided to date this other guy or get back with their bf or whatever but still want to lead you by the nose, flirt with you all the time, whisper sweet nothings in your ear, pay tons of attention to you, call and text you all the time and basically cause you to fall for them and deceive you into thinking they have fallen for you. This can and has carried on for months. Then it turns into a hot/cold game of back and forth where when you turn on she turns off and when you try to turn off and back off she turns on because she doesn’t want to lose your attention for whatever reason. It’s almost as if she sees you as a back up plan and wants to string you along until she feels she doesn’t need that kind of insurance anymore. This behavior continues up to the very moment you try to cross some imaginary line where she now knows you are truly interested and are not willing to settle for the status quo any longer. Up to this point she has done nothing to show that her interest has changed and all clues suggest she is still interested. Once things are in danger of taking on a more serious tone or she at least thinks the danger is there then she finds some way to push you away or reject you. Suddenly she’s calling you out on your behavior with no mention of her own. Or she’s telling you she never was interested and doesn’t know how she gave you that impression. Or she just starts ignoring you and any type of conversation that might lead to the truth about your feelings for each other. Or she does turn into a mean spirited [individual] who treats you like garbage now that she doesn’t want your attention anymore.

 

If a woman truly made her mind up then I would expect her to back off from me or have an honest talk with me about how she sees me. Either would communicate the message that this has moved from a possible dating situation into a friendship situation. I expect her to settle the issue once and for all that we are nothing more than friends and then I expect her to behave as a friend and not as a girl who wants to date me or get my pants off. I can respect that. But to suddenly try to make me feel bad for liking her, or stupid that I fell for her, or insult my intelligence by pretending she has no idea how I got the idea she liked me, or simply offer me no explanation at all, that shows no respect for me, my feelings or any actual friendship we may have. The least I feel someone owes me is honesty and I am usually willing to give that in return.

 

Now they don’t have to be honest with me. But it certainly shouldn’t come as a surprise that I will be hurt, angry and probably won’t want to be friends afterwards. As a person I think I deserve some measure of respect and if a woman can’t give me that then obviously things are going to change between us.

[newwave]

People told you that was being picky? Wow. Then again I'm not surprised. I've mentioned many times I don't date dads yet people have said that was way too picky. However, when men say they don't date moms, very few of the same say he's being picky. I've also been told I'm too picky because I don't date obese men either, yet if reversed, guys would say they can understand not dating a fat girl. In both cases it's not even me being mean, just saying people with those lifestyles wouldn't fit with mine. To me being picky would be if I said I only date Latin lawyers who drive Ferraris. Now that would be picky. If people only saw the guy I want to be with, they'd lose the idea that I'm picky very fast. What guys look like, what he makes, his job, means nothing to me. In fact the guy I want is a nerd, doesn't make much, lives at home and by most people isn't cute.

[courtney06]

Ha. If a girl is constantly calling/texting/fliting/ whatever... with a guy and she feels that he is not interested... or not interested enough she will start playing hard to get only because she doesn't want to seem desperate. Women LOVE to be chased sometimes, even though it is the 21st century most women aren't comfortable in being the one chasing the guy instead of vice verse, not yet at least. The girl you talked about she told you she liked you and wanted to go out with you 50 times... well why didn't you ask her out after.. I don't know the 14th time she said that? She probably wants to get back at you. Just my thoughts,

 

This is hilarious.

[randomgirl59]

Yea I do agree, it sucks that there are women who do that, but there could be many reason why a woman or man might do it. I also doubt that they would intentionally choose to do something malicious, they just dont realize that it is hurtful behavior. They could also genuinely be really indecisive. Its very hard to know if someone is the right person for you, even to gauge your own attraction to a person. And if 2 people are just flirting and aren't actively dating to find answers to these questions, then things will become even more complicated.

 

Your comment about a back up plan was interesting. It wouldn't surprise me if she'd try to keep you around in case another date fizzles out or something, but I think this is something most men and women do when dating anyway. I guess some are better at hiding it that others.

 

Anyway, I do agree with you, but I also think that people who are being strung along need to take matters into their own hands as well, rather than play the blame game. We can't control other people, so if a woman is playing cat and mouse, either be upfront about it, ask her out for coffee or something...if she still flakes then cut contact, it will be a load off your shoulders.

 

Sometimes I also wonder if people play these games because they just dont like confrontation, or dont know how to properly communicate their feelings. I think this has a lot to do with it as well.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I have a couple of guy friends who have done this to women they dislike.

 

One has a girl labeled as 'ignore!!!' on his cell phone to prevent him from drunk dialing her or accepting her phone calls. But, he still texts her up whenever he wants an ego boost. I could tell you 10 more stories just like this.

 

OP, if you were a woman, your post would be focused on men. Selfishness is not a trait that is owned by a certain gender. But, it seems like only women because you've never been in the position to have head games with a man. There are a lot of crappy people in this world, focus on the good ones.

[DreamerGirl27]

Quote Originally Posted by amiami19 View Post

Ha. If a girl is constantly calling/texting/fliting/ whatever... with a guy and she feels that he is not interested... or not interested enough she will start playing hard to get only because she doesn't want to seem desperate. Women LOVE to be chased sometimes, even though it is the 21st century most women aren't comfortable in being the one chasing the guy instead of vice verse, not yet at least. The girl you talked about she told you she liked you and wanted to go out with you 50 times... well why didn't you ask her out after.. I don't know the 14th time she said that? She probably wants to get back at you. Just my thoughts,

 

This is hilarious.

 

 

This is true.

 

Why must people who don't believe conservatively like this, make fun of the ones who do? You don't see us saying, "This is hilarious" when someone says, "men and women are exactly the same..." or something like that.

 

courtney, YOU are hilariously mean in saying her post was hilarious. Because it wasn't. There was absolutely nothing funny about it. It's her view and mine as well. There is nothing funny in what she said, not to mention, by saying it is hilarious, you are implying that it is somehow wrong. You are not right. Nobody is. We all have different views.

 

I agree with amiami19.

[timlondon]

I don't think any of the things you're after are "being picky." Who would want to go out with someone they don't think is attractive?

 

However when someone has an incredibly detailed description of what they want it screams to me that they're trying to replicate someone they already know but can't have.

[newwave]

I don't think any of the things you're after are "being picky." Who would want to go out with someone they don't think is attractive?

 

However when someone has an incredibly detailed description of what they want it screams to me that they're trying to replicate someone they already know but can't have.

 

I have friends who have a detailed list of requirements and it's ridiculous. Mine are simple, never married, no kids and not obese. A friend of mine has this list: dark hair (no balding), blue eyes, over 6 feet tall (she's 5'2), no more than 200 pounds, college graduate, white collar (prefer lawyer), drives a sports car, etc. I've told her she's being way too picky and she said that's what she wants. Of course she's not much to look at or has much to offer which makes it weird.

[Lamour detruit]

I have friends who have a detailed list of requirements and it's ridiculous. Mine are simple, never married, no kids and not obese. A friend of mine has this list: dark hair (no balding), blue eyes, over 6 feet tall (she's 5'2), no more than 200 pounds, college graduate, white collar (prefer lawyer), drives a sports car, etc. I've told her she's being way too picky and she said that's what she wants. Of course she's not much to look at or has much to offer which makes it weird.

 

Your friend will be lonely for a very long time.