Contemplating everything, and setting things straight

[Sweets4u42]

Suicide..people ask questions and contemplate suicide; when people respond to them though, they say something like ''think about all the people you will be hurting, think about the people who care about you and will miss you''

well..bluntly.. people who are contemplating suicide do NOT really care about who they will be hurting...they DONT realize how many people love them..some of them DONT care about what will happen after theyre gone..they just dont want to deal with it anymore..and they wouldnt have to. and i'll back it up:

i was depressed, i cut myself..and i sat down and had a long hard look at my life. yeah, suicide was looking pretty good to me. heck, i had all the options right in front of me to do it too.

and i talked to my best friend about it, and of course there was the whole ''everyone loves you, youre such a doll, you'll be hurting a lot of people'' line. i thought, i dont really care.. who cares who will be hurting after i go..if anyone will be at all? i wouldnt have to deal with it, i wouldnt have to care about it at all.. my mess would be cleaned up.

and it still looks pretty good right now. All i'm saying is that it doesnt work...when you look at it hard enough...suicide is a permanent escape from all youre problems...

[Gilgamesh]

I understand your point, and you do have some reason, I was different though, when I had those thoughts in my mind, I did think about those that did love me, and how it would hurt them.

 

At 14 you have your whole life ahead of you, and I am not sure exactly what has brought on these feelings on you, but what you think is very important now, may be insegnificant when you look back on them years later.

 

I have to ask you, are the reasons for your pain an ongoing condition (family abuse, lonliness etc) or is it from something that happened in the past? In other words, If you were to bump your head and forget everything you know right now, would you have reason to feel this way? think about that a bit. the past can never hurt us unless we allow it to, the past doesnt exist, they are just memories, only thing real is right now.

 

If your going through an ongoing condition, is there other ways to remove yourself from its effects? do you think these effects will be with you forever?

[Meow18]

But its also very selfish as well. You don't care who you hurt, as long as you just don't have to deal with it. Thats so selfish. Don't you love these people? If you really love them, you would care about hurting them this way.

I understand what you mean though, you don't have to deal with it, so why should you care? The thing is, these people are important to your life, whether they are making it so depressing for you or not. I don't know your whole story, but there has to be people around you that do love you & who need you. Take your best friend who gave you that whole talk. Are you telling me that you wouldn't care if you hurt her? She's your friend & as much as you might not believe this, she needs you. She needs you to talk to & be there for her, why else do we have friends? She's your friend for a reason & she cares for you.

Everyone goes through obstacles in life & some are harder. Life goes on though & it does get better. You just need to get yourself through the tough obstacles. Think of all the things you will miss out on if you choose to end your life early. New friends, new experiences, wedding, friends weddings, possibly children, grandchildren, college, becoming what you want to become. Those are all things that you will miss out on. Isn't it worth it to stay alive just so you can see if tomorrow is a brighter day? You never know when that day will come. What if it was meant to come the day after you decided to commit suicide?

[ShroudedSorrow24]

I agree 100% with maggie

 

When I was your age I was contemplating the same thing. I moved to Pennsylvania from Iowa (I had lived in Iowa for 8 years). I left all my friends behind and had to go into high school by myself not knowing anyone. I was depressed and shy so I got picked on by the other kids mentally and physically. I just wanted to end it all so I made a noose from some of my belts and was about to do it. Right before I did it I decided to say goodbye to my best friend that I have EVER had I got on AOL instant messenger (thank god he was online) and told him what I was about to do. We talked for about 2 hours and he talked me out of it. We talked about all the great memories we had together and all the things we had taught each other. He promised me that my life would get better and it has. You just need to have hope that the days will get better, because if you have a positive attitude they WILL get better. I'm not saying that BOOM after my convo with im it just was all happy and dandy, its a slow process and it took my about 7 months after that until I was all the way better.

 

I realize now that what I almost did that day was one of the stupidest and biggest mistakes I have ever made.

 

Like gilgamesh and maggie said earlier... your whole life is ahead of you, don't you at least want to know how it will unfold?

[Tex1907]

since we are in this topic...this free phone service is great....1800suicide

they talk to you for free 24 hours a day...its like having someone to talk to whenever you need them....I just called yesterday when I was thinking about ending my life and although it didnt make me feel that muc better I decided to not go through with it and wait and see what happens for a little bit....after all there is really nothing to lose.

[Sweets4u42]

But its also very selfish as well. You don't care who you hurt, as long as you just don't have to deal with it. Thats so selfish. Don't you love these people? If you really love them, you would care about hurting them this way.

 

Why would you call it selfish? Just because I don't care what happens? It's not like I'm trying to keep them from something, I'm not holding them back, making them listen to me, in fact, I would be taking away THEIR problem: ME.

 

I'm in England right now, on vacation from the states with my dad. I would NEVER think of killing myself here. But the thing is, when i'm actually at home, I think about doing it all the time. It would be so easy. And I can't tell anyone. I have a boyfriend who ''loves'' me and I know he would do anything for me, and I don't want to hurt him. I guess that is the main reason why I stop myself all the time. I am going to see a psychologist for another reason, my mom sent me against my wishes.

 

I've tried telling her that i want to stop going, that it isn't helping anything and we're not talking about anything important. My mom yelled back at me and said ''well then maybe the problem is with you, that YOURE not talking. you should start some of the conversations more and bring up YOURE problems'' I just kinda felt like saying..''thats not MY job'' the lady is nice and everything, but i'm not a very good speaker about what i'm thinking and feeling, and i constantly lie to my boyfriend when he asks me what i think, how i feel, etc.

 

I don't know what to do... Can anyone help?

[Meow18]

Its selfish because you are thinking only about you here. You don't care about how others feel, just because you won't be here to worry. Thats what selfish is. Selfish is caring only about yourself & not considering other's feelings. Thats why what you said is selfish--you don't care what others will have to go through once your gone because you won't be here to deal with their pain any way.

 

I've never understood suicide. No one really knows what happens to us after death. I mean, we all have our beliefs & any one of them could be true. Why would you want to kill yourself now just because things are bad, when you don't know how much worse it could be after death?? Things will get better, you just have to believe they will & always look to the positive side of things.

[fallenwhitelighter]

how do i start, you are just 14 year old, you by far have your whole life ahead of you and dispite whatever has caused these feelings of sadness to such an extreme, i can not contemplate....because whatever it is you have the strenght to pull through you just have to find it.... because nothing that has happened you such a young person, no matter how deterimental or devastating should define you life....

 

welll, and truly if you did suicide, people would missing you..... and feel pain....

 

If anything think not about the people you could hurt, but think about the life you could live and all the future happiness you could have....

 

I hope you find the strength to conquer your inner-demons and your painful feelings.