Question about online dating: what to do when you see them online?

[jenna-is-here]

Hi All -

 

Ive been doing the online dating thing for a bout a month or two now and have a question/comment.

 

There is one person that I have seen numerous times over the past month. If he wanted it to get more serious, I would be interested.

 

But in the mean time, it is really hard to see him online when we are apart or possibly out on dates in between us dating.

 

I get it that is why it is called "dating" but how do you all handle that?

 

Jenna

[Eclipse11]

Can't you hide yourself or something, so he doesn't know you are there? Edit: sorry I mean, can you not hide him from view?! Eclipse x

[jenna-is-here]

Oh, yes Eclipse, I dont have to look at all but I do. He can not tell I am looking but I can not help myself. It is just really awkward dating someone, knowing they are searching and dating others. Argh. Dating.

[Eclipse11]

I see...! So the man you have been dating is out dating? I don't know if I could bear that!

However it's different in the UK to the US...in the US it's considered acceptable to date multiple people whereas here it is frowned upon and not really done...;-)

Maybe block him permanently and look for somebody who wants you and you alone...Eclipse x

[Eclipse11]

And I agree with you there! Argh. Dating!

[jenna-is-here]

Yeah, here it's just "dating" (aka, anything goes) until two people decide they are "exclusive"...granted, anything goes could drive one person away before you get to the exclusive phase....ug. I liked him I guess he just doesnt take it seriously enough. oh well.

[jenna-is-here]

Im moving to the UK then! ;-)

[Eclipse11]

Weird how it's so different...! I'd hide him I think but see him when you please and when YOU feel like it and just not take it too seriously...I'll be interested to see what other answers you get...best of luck to you! x

[Eclipse11]

Hmmm...I don't know if it's any easier here though, other people might think so! Lol...

[Eclipse11]

I think the dating game is always a bit weird, but I find it's even weirder when one dates multiple people...but I think if you stick with it you will get somewhere and find a diamond in the rough ;-) x

[oldenoughtoknow]

Dating, especially online, takes some pretty thick skin. If I were you, I would certainly continue to see other people. That will keep your mind off of what he's been doing. Don't put all of your eggs in his basket - you're not there yet.

[jenna-is-here]

Thanks for that. You are right. It is what it is. I just got back online and started searching for more people. He will be lucky if I am still available when he comes back!

[Batya33]

The only difference is that you see him being active on line - otherwise, he would be out meeting/dating people but you wouldn't "see it". I used to hate seeing those people on line too but until we were exclusive of course he was allowed. Usually the men who wanted to get serious with me asked me to be exclusive within about a month of dating. If I had to ask, sometimes it "worked" but in my experience it never ended up becoming serious. Did work for friends of mine though so you may want to ask him what his intentions are.

[MrRight]

Welcome to the new wave.

 

Thats why I think I will just delete my profile. In my experience so far, people are out there to try multiple people. Thats why chances to succeed finding someone decent is minimal.

 

In my view, if i meet someone in person after chatting, i can if the person is presentable and relationship material in my first merting. If we accept each other to go for a second date, in my view right there the profile should be disabled. By seeing someone browsing after we agree to go out and we are kissing, etc simply tells me one thing individual is a big joker, time waster and lost soul in online activity.

 

Who is doing that multidating thing? 95% of good looking candidates. That happens especially with women, because they have the misperception they can get hundreds of men to choose from.

 

Simply,in my opinion the vast majority of desirable online daters cannot be taken seriously.

 

 

 

Hi All -

 

Ive been doing the online dating thing for a bout a month or two now and have a question/comment.

 

There is one person that I have seen numerous times over the past month. If he wanted it to get more serious, I would be interested.

 

But in the mean time, it is really hard to see him online when we are apart or possibly out on dates in between us dating.

 

I get it that is why it is called "dating" but how do you all handle that?

 

Jenna

[Stay_home]

Depends on how long you two have been dating as to whether you should go forward with the initating and going further with the relationship. Talk to him and also get a feel for what he's thinking and where exactly he is on this.

[somegirl30]

The thing that bothers me with online dating is so many people are looking for something better when maybe there's something good right in front of thei face...

[jenna-is-here]

Thanks everyone, you are all right. It is a catch 22. Because without the tool (online dating), I probably would not be meeting as many people. But with it, I have to deal with the time wasters, etc.

 

I guess if it I met the right person who wasnt wasting my time, we would not be having this thread. Sigh. ;-)

[Batya33]

Thanks everyone, you are all right. It is a catch 22. Because without the tool (online dating), I probably would not be meeting as many people. But with it, I have to deal with the time wasters, etc.

 

I guess if it I met the right person who wasnt wasting my time, we would not be having this thread. Sigh. ;-)

 

Many dating "tools" have the risk of time wasters - consider what it's like to meet someone at a club or a bar, or to meet someone randomly and not know what they are looking for after investing lots of time in the person (at least with a profile, if it is honest, you know a lot more about that issue right up front).

[adamt]

free dating websites are a waste of time. stick to ones you pay on, at least then most people are taking it seriously.

 

some websites are better than others, also depends what area you live in.

 

i think people are trying to meet someone who would normally be out of their range in the real world.

 

The problem is that you dont know how many other people the other person is talking to.

 

people expect instant chemistry. the first time you go on a date with someone is more like a screening process. it's a very fickle and frustratiing place. you have to be thick skinned and dont get too emotionally attached to someone. peope can suddenly stop replying or just disappear. after exchanging a few emails i would then look to move it onto meeting up. dont waste too much time talking online

[Batya33]

free dating websites are a waste of time. stick to ones you pay on, at least then most people are taking it seriously.

 

some websites are better than others, also depends what area you live in.

 

i think people are trying to meet someone who would normally be out of their range in the real world.

 

The problem is that you dont know how many other people the other person is talking to.

 

people expect instant chemistry. the first time you go on a date with someone is more like a screening process. it's a very fickle and frustratiing place. you have to be thick skinned and dont get too emotionally attached to someone. peope can suddenly stop replying or just disappear. after exchanging a few emails i would then look to move it onto meeting up. dont waste too much time talking online

 

This description sounds no different than most bars, singles gatherings, singles parties, etc. I dated pre-internet for many years and if you went to bars or singles scenes or if you went on a first date with someone you met (at a singles event or otherwise - someone you didn't yet know well) it was typically like that). I never felt that I had to reply to an invitation for a second date if I wasn't interested (sometimes I did, depended on the circumstances)- just like I wasn't offended if a man didn't ask me out for a second date - silence was the way to convey disinterest. The advice of not getting emotionally attached early on is good advice but has nothing in particular to do with meeting someone through a web site as opposed to any other way.